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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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My wife and i have marriage problems due to the fact that

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My wife and i have marriage problems due to the fact that she says she feels no emoition. She would rather pretend because she says it is easier. She doesnt want to be intamate. She says if other people are happy than she is happy. We have been married 8 years and she said that it has always been this way for her. What can i do to help ?
Thanks for your question,

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through with your wife. If she has always been like this, it sounds like this is a personal problem that she needs to work through, and inevitably that affects your relationship. There may be things that you can do to support her, but in order for her to work on some of these emotional issues she is going to have to be willing to explore why this has become a problem for her in the first place. Often times people who don't feel emotion have been through some emotionally traumatic experiences which can affect their ability to feel emotion and feel happy for themselves. If that's the case this may be a difficult issue for her to face.

In order for you to help her and in order for her to get through this the most important thing right now is to get to the bottom of this issue and understand why she is not feeling emotion. This may mean that she goes to counseling in order to explore some of these issues with a professional who is experienced in helping people with these types of problems. If she doesn't know how to start solving this problem, that would be one of the best ways to get some direction. Sometimes starting with marriage counseling is a little less intimidating because you will be there with her, but it does sound like this will eventually take some individual work on her behalf too.

Sometimes just being there to support her and showing her that her happiness is important to you is enough to generate some positive momentum. Right now she has to decide that she wants to work on these issues for the sake of her own happiness and your relationship together. As long as she reaches that point then it will start to become easier to identify ways to help her as she is better able to identify what will help. Right now just talking to her and finding out how you can support her efforts to overcome this problem may be the best place to start, and if she is willing to consider seeing a therapist then anything you can do to help make that easy for her would benefit both of you in the long run.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this and if there is anything else I can do to help please let me know.

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