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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Both my husband and I come from emotionally, physiologically

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Both my husband and I come from emotionally, physiologically and physically abusive families. We have minimal contact with both to protect our now teenage kids from the abusive cycles. We have been married for 19 years. The last 4 have been tough because of economic factors. I feel like I have given emotionally everything I can to my husband and children. I feel empty, sucked dry and need my husband to invest emotionally in me. I tried to explain this to him and his response "I can't tell you I love you" - and then he went out and spend money on things I "need" for the house (his words), while forgetting it was my birthday - my kids had to remind him. On the outside we have a comfortable life, but on the inside it is emotionally empty. I suggested counseling - he will not go. At what point do I give up on this relationship?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are very clearly approaching the end of your tolerance for this relationship. You clearly want to find an alternative to giving up, but your husband is not cooperative.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I agree with you that attending sessions together with a marriage and family therapist would be the most beneficial, if he were willing to go, and if he was actually willing to listen and pay attention and stick with it. You do paint a very positive or hopeful picture of his willingness or ability or dedication to doing so.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Here is my suggestion.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Find yourself a good marriage and family counselor and begin sessions by yourself

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will get guidance on how to relate to him and can possibly then bring him into the sessions.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can also get guidance on how to leave the relationship if he is not willing to make the commitment to to work on it in order to save it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can find LMFTs in your area by going to

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


www.psychologytoday.com

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


and entering your state and city, and then entering marriage and family issues.

Customer:

Basically what you are saying is see someone - if he does not go then I have to decide if I put up and shut up, or leave.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Basically, yes. You need to give it your best try in good faith. Do your best to do your share to make it work and then you can take the other option. What do you think about this approach?

Customer:

Frankly - I have already done more than my share. He's stuck in the emotionally shut down state he created as a child to survive his parents. I was an emotional mess when we married but I have moved on and dealt with it, he never tried to understand what I was doing and would refer to my efforts by spitting out the word "psycho-babble". He has ticked all the right boxes as a husband and father and has provided physically for his family, but I have always been the one who did the emotional stuff. I guess if he's not able to change and grow then I'll need to create my own life without him. I am exhausted.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you so much. May God bless you and give you peace. Elliott

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