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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5334
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Im having relationship problems that, I think, are strongly

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I'm having relationship problems that, I think, are strongly related to me not being able to feel much emotion about anything anymore. I have learned a bit about myself and talking it through with other people. I feel guilty about several events in my life. My father's unexpected death, at which I hesitated to perform CPR and feel as if I could have done more. Especially since he appeared to be having heart trouble before he died. Another event is an ex-girlfriend of mine who became pregnant, and we discussed at length about abortion and how against it I was due to my faith. She eventually had one anyone, and I feel I should have done more to stop it. Another time, I got involved with a best friend (girl) of mine that I shouldn't have because I didn't like her, and I knew our relationship was one of a therapist/patient type as most of our conversations were problems of her and her asking me for advice. Consistently, in my relationship currently, I feel guilty when I feel like someone is spending time doing something for me. I know I have a very low sense of self-worth and entitlement. I do generally feel uncomfortable when people give me any sort of compliment or do anything nice for me. No relationship I have been in in the past has been fully healthy or successful. Almost all of them involved me being treated very unfairly, yet I remained in the relationship to try to make them work. All in all, I have come to today where I feel very detached from even my own relationship with my girlfriend who I intend to marry. I know I love her. I can feel the sadness whenever I'm not with her and whenever we argue about stuff. However, I don't feel joy very much anymore after times when I feel guilty. I do have brief periods when I'm with her where I am just absolutely happy and I know it. I want to know where I should begin to search for help? Should I speak to a therapist about what? Where would I begin to talk to them about in my story? What should I start with? What might be wrong with me?

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating and distressing this situation must be for you. You have incredibly good insight into yourself and your behaviors. This is very important and you need to build on it as you begin therapy. And indeed, psychodynamic therapy would be very useful to you as it is based on building your sense of wholeness in your self through insight into your past.

There is a very powerful sense of opposing forces in your description of yourself. Your self seems to want to give so much of yourself to others, yet you are very held back. There is also a powerful sense of you needing to feel in control. And that seems to be at the root of a number of disparate themes in your life.

When faced with emergency situations where you would need to give up any sense of control of yourself and the situation and just be able to give of yourself spontaneously, you could not do that. And this has led to a sense of self doubt and loss of self worth. Being able to give oneself emotionally to one's feelings and to loving another person is a similar sense of letting go, even though it is different than the above example.

So for you, therapy is an opportunity to gain insight and a more positive relationship within yourself toward yourself and toward others. Let me give you two directories to look at that are good. You should focus on finding a psychologist or psychotherapist in your area who practices in a psychodynamic orientation. That's for gaining insight into yourself and your behavior.

Here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (you can see a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list psychodynamic therapy in their orientations.

Good Therapy is a non profit directory. Same idea as the one above:

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Let me get your insight on this before continuing with the rating. It seems at times that I do feel all the emotions I want to feel, then if I feel I've wronged someone, I try hard to recover and address this with whoever I've wronged, but when I start to feel guilty, I withdraw emotionally. After these occurrences, I feel very detached emotionally. I feel very detached from myself; I have suicidal thoughts; and a general apathy towards life, in general. How do I go about beginning to reconcile these issues in my mind or with a therapist?

I will say, I've read some of your answers already, and though they are somewhat personalized. They are not personalized to the extent I expected when I selected High detail. Your response here will directly relate to what I rate. If you feel like you need information from me to know more, please ask. I did want to know where to go, since I know I will need to see someone regularly about this, but I can find that information for myself with some research. I am coming to with this for the purpose of mental insight.

Hi. I am going to opt out because I do not wish to work under a cloud of the rating being used against me. You know, when I wrote about the need to control, I was wondering about this and whether I should write to you or not. As you clearly recognize, our ratings are important to us. However, I feel most comfortable when it is a free flowing exchange between people. I answered you because I do sincerely XXXXX XXXXX are a good man and are trying very hard. So, before I go and open it to someone else to answer you, I wish you the very best and hope that you are able to use this experience with me to recognize that when you do go to therapy, you will need to let go of that need to control the therapy relationship and to just experience it. All the best to you, Dr. Mark
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