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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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My new husband has LT 108 is his number, normal is 110+, he

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My new husband has LT 108 is his number, normal is 110+, he doesn't handle any business in bedroom and has no interest. If I try to fondle him he will block my hand, he pulls himself in his sleep, and I have caught him with his hands in pants, he was unaware he does it, he says he likes the sensation.

He has had insomia for years, and can't sleep through the night, very mild sleep apnea we had checked out, the doctor sent him to a therapist for insomia he didn't go.

He comes home on time, no affair at least not physical with his ed. I think he is voyeur as he looks online at porn but denies it, and browses online dating site where we met and denies it.

He doesn't stay hard for long, we tried cialis couple of times were good, he would prefer natural. He is 50 excellent health doctor says and he hasn't had sex in past 8 years due to inability to stay hard so he avoided women and dating. We were in a long distance relations this past March 2012 and marrried July 2012 and now are not doing anything. I'm 52 and trhiving when I have my hormonal cream. His mother was abusive, father left at 10, she had many boyfriends while his father was overseas, and the kids had to fend for themselves, never got much attention, basically raised themselves no drugs, no smoke, no drink, stays to himself, doesn't hangout with men, texts can't see them but suspect he is texting others, don't know.   if he is gay and fighting it for years maybe a strong maybe as his own mother called him on it, provides well, speaks well , works hard. Dr. is putting him on hormonal cream, interesting my needs aren't being met, I'm sympathetic to issue and it is a hard issue to discuss when we do, why wouldn't a husband satisfy his wife in anyway? He moved me acrosss the country west coast to east coast, looks like another love tko my first marriage. He did tell me of his ED I thought it was a passing thing for his age and thought viagra or cialis will take care of it. Unknowingly celibate wife heading to divorce court.***@******.*** for your response. He or I have no kids.

He goes to work and home, some exercise but not really living life, I'm over the top and in a new area trying to get settled the last 3 months.  He is ashamed he can't  do much, his first wife lasted 4 months and locked him out of home 1996, he went into 5 yr depression, then I come along happy go lucky me, we love each other and have differences it's how you choose to handle them.  Waiting for your reply

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

I can understand why you would feel disappointed in your new husband and be concerned about the lack of sexual intimacy. You wrote that the cialis worked, but he would prefer natural.

Dr. L :

That's all well and fine that he would PREFER it...but if he NEEDS it to get and maintain an erection..then what stops him from taking it??

Dr. L :

If his physician is going to put him on a hormonal cream...then it's worth a little patience to see if that works. If he refuses to use it, well then it's back to wondering why he is unwilling to do all he can to have a healthy sexual life with you.

Dr. L :

You wrote that you suspect he is texting others...who do you think he is texting? Other women? Other men?

Dr. L :

Do you really think he might be gay?

Dr. L :

I see you left a phone number. Please note that JustAnswer does not allow Experts to call customers and your number has been crossed out so that I cannot read it. The only way we can communicate is through this website.

Dr. L :

I await your response.

Dr. L :

Thank you.

Customer:

Hi Dr L

Customer:

Hi ,

Customer:

Thank you for your response, maybe a little more patience is needed. I don't really believe he is gay, guess I said it to just try to understand why a husband would not touch his beautiful wife. If the tables were turned, I would never let my husband go without . I will have a heart to heart with myself and him. I didn't sign up for celibacy in a marriage.

Customer:

I will give the cream some time to work, if he doesn't turn around then we will be in counseling. I take my vows seriously, and will try all options. I never had a problem with men, this is a first for me and hard for me to understand.

Customer:

Texting, I don't have access to his phone, I suspect it's other women, he doesn't have many friends. He doesn't have male friends that he talks about , he is pretty private and stays to himself. I might be wrong, if your spouse isn't attending to your needs, your first thought is affair, cyber affair, emotional connection is weak. He says he loves me, and he does a pretty good job with finances, working, taking overtime if offered, providing for me, there's just sleep in the bedroom.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

At best, ***** ***** a baffling situation and you raise such an important question...if he loves you, provides for you and is an attentive and caring husband...then what gives in the bedroom?

Dr. L :

As I said earlier...if the cialis worked...why not keep up with that? Now you have the cream to try. If he is willing to use this and it works...that would be wonderful! If it doesn't work...or he isn't even willing to give it a reasonable try...then counseling would be your best option.

Dr. L :

I understand your position about giving this marriage a fair shot and not giving up until you have attempted to pursue all available options. I also like your idea of having a heart to heart with him and putting it all on the table. You are absolutely correct...you did not sign up for celibacy! And you are unwilling to spend the rest of your life as a celibate woman.

Dr. L :

You are also right in saying that when there is little to no sex in the marriage that the first thing the partner thinks is that an affair of some kind is taking place. What I have found in my 30 years of practice as a psychologist is that most often the loss of sexual intimacy often has very little to do with the couple itself and most often is about one's own feeling of inadequacy, shame and an inability to feel emotionally safe enough to share these feelings. You state that your husband is a very private man, doesn't have many friends, and stays to himself. This would indicate to me that he may have significant trouble expressing his true feelings with you.

Dr. L :

This is why therapy may be beneficial for both of you.

Dr. L :

I wish you the best!

Dr. L :

Please let me know if there is any more I can help you with.

Dr. L :

Thank you!

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