Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I have a hard time achieving an erection and ejaculating

with a partner but not...
I have a hard time achieving an erection and ejaculating with a partner but not when masturbating. It has always been that way and I am 51 yo male. I'm only interested in younger males (18-32) and only interested in performing oral sex. Am I a homo-romantic asexual?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 14 hours by:
3/6/2013
Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,707
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Verified
Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am happy to help you with this.

Bill :

First- I don't think you are a homo-romatic asexual.

Bill :

My sense in what you have written is that you have the common problem that is faced by persons with all sexual orientations......

Bill :

Performance Anxiety.

Bill :

Millions of men, regardless of age, relationship or orientation suffer from sexual performance anxiety. This condition in sexual situations occurs when a man anticipates some form of problem occurring during the sexual act. As a result of this anticipation, the man becomes anxious or panicked while attempting to be sexually active. This translates into problems with erections, premature and delayed ejaculation or a lack of desire to have sex.

Bill :

Having anxiety about sex is a difficult situation to reverse. Unfortunately, it is very common and can happen to anyone at any age and at any time. Sexual performance anxiety can start from a very brief simple event even in very stable, emotionally healthy individuals. Sometimes even a single time in which the man loses an erection can be enough to raise doubts and cause anxiety the next time. Although this happens to every man at certain occasions, it can begin a downward spiral causing problems of confidence in and out of the bedroom. The more frantic you become the worse the problem will become. This can be a very slippery slope!

Anxiety is intended by Nature to be a warning system of a threat or danger. In such cases, your brain becomes alert, your muscles tense for running or battle and other parts of your body, such as digestion, shut down while you are in stand-by mode. In the sexual situation, if our warning system tells us that there may be a problem then we are more likely to have a problem. The warning system causes the problem. This is a self fulfilling fear.

Bill :

So, if a man's brain warns him that there may be a problem during sex, there will be a problem because of the warning. A man's warning system releases chemicals that interfere with his sexual performance. We were not made to be anxious and have sex at the same time.

Sex therapists use a technique called sensate focus to help men with performance anxiety. This technique encourages a couple to remove all stress from the sexual act. Sensate focus was first used by Masters and Johnson and aims to get a man to stop thinking about erections and his performance. Instead, the goal of sensate focus exercises is to get the man to focus on the feelings and sensations of sexual arousal. Rather than thinking about performance, the goal is to experience each touch, sensation, smell, movement, sound and taste of the sexual act.

Bill :

Performance anxiety causes the man to focus on the mechanics of sex rather than the pleasure, sensations and excitement. They are thinking about sex rather than enjoying it. Sex is best when you can shut the mind off and stop thinking.

Bill :

When the couple feels relaxed in this situation, the next step might be for them to communicate, caress and touch without clothes. The focus however is always on the pleasure and the enjoyment. Without worry about the erection or his performance, sex for the man is not a job that needs to be done. It can be a positive and pleasurable experience.

Bill :

In summary, many men with sexual difficulties tend to over-think about their performance rather than staying in the moment and enjoying the sexual sensations and feelings.

Bill :

This is something that can be treated with Expert trained in Sex Therapy.

Bill :

If you send me your Zip Code- I will be happy to identify experts in your area that can help you with this issue.

Bill :

Other information can be found here on the problem of performance anxiety.

Bill :

Should you have a follow up question feel free to ask- I am happy to help.

Bill :

Kindest regards, Bill

Bill :

Please leave Positive Rating so that I receive Credit for my time.

Bill :

Thank you

Bill :

-follow up questions- no additional cost

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Thank you, ***** ***** Code is 92264. Is performance anxiety treated with medication or would it be weeks of questions and answers with a therapist?

Hi Nick-

I typically suggest that people talk to a Therapist first (this should not be long term therapy). The focus is on getting past cognitive barriers that impede sexual activity.

Unless you have a history of Anxiety Disorder.......medication would be a second step.

The following is a link to qualified Experts in your area:

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1362592299.7588_20146&zipcode=92264&spec=3&spec=17

Call and discuss your issue and schedule an appointment with someone you feel comfortable talking to. Detail about each expert is provided.

I wish you the very best.

Kindest regards, Bill
Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,707
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Verified
Bill and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Bill Your Own Question
Bill
Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,707
3,707 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's

Bill is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I was diagnosed with social anxiety by my psychiatrist at 16
Hi Dr. Wilson, I was diagnosed with social anxiety by my psychiatrist at 16 years old. Fast forward 6 years, and I feel like I am still struggling. I am always nervous when it comes to social engageme… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with
Second opinion] Hi. I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with my eyes. Is this possible? Sometimes feel things are moving when there not etc. Thank you… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
My adult daughter is struggling tremendously with anxiety
My adult daughter is struggling tremendously with anxiety and depression. She is on prozac but it's not helping that much. What is the best way to treat depression and anxiety in your opinion. She doe… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with
Hi. I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with my eyes. Is this possible? Sometimes feel things are moving when there not etc. Thank you… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,675 satisfied customers
I've been taking Prozac and Buspar for some anxiety and
I've been taking Prozac and Buspar for some anxiety and depression. My therapist just added Abilify to help with some lingering depression. At first she was going to add Wellbutrin but decided on Abil… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
I have issues with anxiety. I meet with a behavioral
I have issues with anxiety. I meet with a behavioral therapist and have practices to help with my anxiety, but I'm feeling super anxious with some current ongoing stress that may continue for the next… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Various diagnosis since 2010; generalized anxiety was the
Various diagnosis since 2010; generalized anxiety was the most popular. PTSD diagnosis in 2016 because of a loss of a child in 2009 as well as the end of my 10 year relationship in 2013. Possible re t… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Is this a paid service? History of depression and anxiety.
Past 8 months. Relationship problems make it worse.… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
OKMH124211 What is the vest way to prevent anxiety, gain
OKMH124211 What is the vest way to prevent anxiety, gain more self confidence and get rid of tmj syndrome-sometimes teeth grinding affects night into daytime as a bad habit?… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
I feel stressed, I don't know if my stress levels are normal
Hello , I feel stressed , I don't know if my stress levels are normal or do I need to seek medical help … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks that
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks that I treat and keep managed with BCT, exercise, eating a well balanced diet, and breathing exercises. For the most part this works well. This p… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset and bloating? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work hours
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work long hours sometimes 15 a day. I'm starting to have what I think are panic stacks. What do I do? … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks at
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks at times. For the most part I have improved a great deal through BCT and other lifestyle changes. I had it terrible after I quit smoking for abou… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
I would like to know if it is possible for anxiety to cause
Hello,I would like to know if it is possible for anxiety to cause bladderproblems like urinary retention and bladder overactivity. Like if you fear it and you are constantly conscious regarding it, it… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I've had anxiety due to trauma... I've had anxiety due to
Hello, I've had anxiety due to trauma... Hello, I've had anxiety due to trauma in the city I lived in, I moved out to a different city, I accidentally spoke to somebody associated with the trauma , in… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
3,978 satisfied customers
I've been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety after
second opinion] Hello!I've been experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety after a health diagnosis. I am constantly paranoid that something else more serious may be wrong with me. Constantly readin… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I I have extreme anxiety especially social anxiety I over
I I have extreme anxiety especially social anxiety I over worry about everything and I have PTSD from being stabbed and assaulted I've been prescribed Xanax for years and I got up to 2 mg which was wo… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
3,978 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x