Sorry it took a while to get back. Long day with funeral out of town.
Thank you for your confidence in me.
While not perhaps addicted to alcohol with physical dependence, it seems that you rely on to forget about your daily cares and woes, and in doing so only exacerbate the situation.
You have fallen into a pattern in which the daily laughs and good times have to be fueled by alcohol. Perhaps you are depressed and hence feeling low self esteem. You boost it up with your friends, but pay a big price in alertness and productivity and it interferes with keeping your important committments.
If you could afford taking that break, or even a working holiday somewhere else, away from the drinking and good times, you could re-find your center.
I don't think it is fear that you are experiencing, but an emptiness created from depression.
If you can find the strength to cut down significantly on the alcohol and late nights, and get on a productive schedule, your life would improve significantly.
I understand that this is easier said than done, but you must break the cycle.
Let me recommend a new but tremendously popular book that is proving effective in helping people change their way of doing things:
If I can be of further help, please don't hesitate to get back to me.