Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Hello, I'm available to assist you- Welcome!!
I'm sorry for the hurt you have endured in your relationships.
There is hope for a healthy relationship.
You may need to start by taking a close look at the type of person you are attracted to. We tend to find a similar partner each time, even if we've been hurt.
Are you available to join the live chat?
yes I am
Thank you for joining me!
you're most welcome it's a pleasure
to give you an idea about the person that I am trying to help
had a divorce then the worst love relationship could one ever think of..cheating, emotional abuse, and abuse in its all forms
how is our relationship at the moment? we're very close, she's opening up to me, telling me her secrets, and then asks me to promise not to put her down
she treasures me a lot, she looks for me, she said that she cares a lot, and she loves me as a friend....the last time we spoke she was under medication and she said she loves me
of course I understand how this thing works
we spend a lot of the time together we connect to each other we speak until I tuck her in
the word love just makes her feel anxious
Oh, I see, it is for someone else- got it! This person needs to heal, improve their self worth, to avoid hurt again. She is drawn to you knowing you care- I can tell you are caring. She's lucky to have you in her life.
I do care about her a lot
May not be the best idea for her to get into another relationship until she heals from the hurt in other relationships.
I really want her to be happy and I want to help her
Unless the relationship is friends, support, like I'm hearing you say.
Be her friend, do not expect anything else, be kind, thoughtful- what makes a good friend. It will take time for her to heal. It's natural she is anxious- that anxiety may help protect her.
she is using to it to protect herself
it's a fact
She needs to have some healthy things in her life, like friends, good self care. Using what?
she is like a closed book to people
Yes- that's when we see anxiety when someone has been hurt before. It makes them very cautious, mistrust others etc.
She has been "burned" and it will take patience, love, care, time for her
burned big time
that love spot has been wipped away
If you are a consistent friend that will help her.
that's like a belief to me
Give her lots of support, care, encouragement- be there for her- but do not expect or seek out more from her, for now.
where do you think I stand or level with respect to her at the moment?
She may be closed off for a while- not too accepting of any care or concern, but hang in there with her. She needs a friend who places no demands on her. She has lost her self and will need to work at getting self back.
I think you must feel safe to her.
she told me she feels home with me
she does not feel the need to justify any thing...she feels relaxed like home
Comfort and security is what she needs. Do realize she may not be able to "give" back to you right now- because she is "empty".
She may need a bit more help than just you can provide- especially if she is really struggling.
struggling? she used to be
last time we were together and her abusive ex was there
she felt nothing
he's completely out of her life
which is a major thing
it's just love itself is what scares her a lot
Sounds like she is really anxious, she can learn ways to cope with that- manage, and lessen that. She may be a bit "numb" from what she has been through. It's great she is away from that- good start for getting better.
Yes, love has equaled hurt to her.
how do you define her feelings for me?
She will need to take a look at what attracted her to those men in the first place- and look for a different type of guy- It's hard to say, other than it sounds like you are very safe, comforting- do you wish for more?
do I wish for more? I do love her....but I won't ask anything of her as long as I know she cannot give it back
She is vulnerable right now, does not know what she needs or wants- traumatized in those relationships and natural she will close her self off for a time.
No demands on her for now.
If you continue to be safe, a good friend, that can be a good foundation for something more when she is ready.
what was that love she mentioned to me when she was under medication? why do you think she said she loves me?
Do remind yourself that she may not be able to "give" too much to you, for now. With the support of a good friend she will heal. TIME and support are the biggest factors. Her love for you as a safe person, friendship.
Has it surprised you that she told you she loved you? How does she explain that after she was off the medication?
she did not deny it but affirmed it as a friend
and not any friend
a very different category
these were her words
You may need to be the strong one and keep it at friendship in order for hope for a future relationship. You do not want to be the rebound guy.
Because she is vulnerable she may seek out the safe person for intimacy, but she may not be ready for that.
Tell her you care too much to do that-
I do, I always do
Good! I did sense that!
she asked me what I am thinking about our relationship and if it's love....it should not be. I told her I do not think anything about it
Show her what safe love is- special- treating her like she deserves.
this is what is happening
You do not know what the future holds for the two of you- do enjoy the time together.
these are my words
She's lucky to have you in her life- people come in our life when we most need them.
You are a gift to her-
she inspires me a lot
I do love her brains and I appreciate her trust in me
she's a treasure
a pure heart like a kid
I had a dead water side of me, she has changed that and I feel content
She does sound kind, sensitive, good.
she is the definition of everything good
she is too good to know and remember she is a human and has done and will always do lotsa mistakes
Do enjoy that goodness- it is special- none of us knows what the future holds- be mindful and thankful for today, right!! Yes we are all human- imperfect.
Hopefully she will avoid that "type" of guy in the future- sadly and strangely some people are attracted to the one who treats them poorly- strange phenomenon.
as gold is treated by fire as love is treated by pain
these experiences should be there to know the one
that guy was not a human
he's anything other than a human
That's where it is important for her to strengthen her self worth- to feel worthy of the "good" love that feels good, doesn't hurt as she has experienced. I like that saying!! Thanks for that!
Beauty can come from the not so pretty!
so I will take your advice for now
let it be as it is
talk and talk
no need to speak about love
Yes- just "be" with her!!
just show my care
Best wishes to both of you!! Yes love is a verb- action- show you care.
thanks a lot for listening Jean
I do hope things work out as you hope- You are very welcome, my pleasure.
Would you be so kind to rate my answer okay or higher so I can get credit- much appreciated!!
Let me know if I can help again.
thank you for sharing!!