Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
This is such a difficult question you've posed. It's extremely ironic, by the way: I've been working via Skype in therapy with a Canadian whose girlfriend had some emotional issues and told him that she had contracted Herpes and he freaked out and became obsessed with this STD and has become very fearful. Why?
Because his original fear led him to learn a LOT about the herpes virus, both 1 and 2. He found out that a person can be asymptomatic for years and even decades without knowing that he/she is carrying the virus. And then it can become symptomatic. Therefore, he would say to you that he believes you easily when you say you've been monogamous. And he would further say to you that she may have had the virus if she had ever had sex with anyone else before meeting you and it now became symptomatic.
Why do I tell you this information?
It certainly is not something that you want to say to her. It will only make her feel like you're distancing yourself from her. But I am concerned about launching into an answer about you affirming your love and caring for her and loyalty and steadfastness.
She very likely would like to hear all of those things and in large quantity. However, I don't know what you're feeling about your commitment to her and to the relationship. And I don't know that you want this to force you into a feeling of duty to be committed more than you want to be. Because that rarely lasts and it can lead to bad consequences later on.
With that caution said: if you do feel a commitment to her and to the relationship, this is the time to communicate it and to communicate your love. You want to add
how sorry you are that she now has the virus. That you are aware of how it can stay in a person's system for years and years and you want to make sure she understands that you've been faithful and are monogamous. That this is important to you that she know this.
After these things are said, then you can gauge what her feelings are. Meaning, if there are any specific things she needs for you two to work out. For example, if she is unsure about your faithfulness. If so, then that is what you would focus the discussion on with patience. Your patience in whatever areas she's uncertain about will make all the difference. If you become short tempered, most women in her position, will take that as a sign of not caring and of hiding something.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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