Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. You are clearly trying to be a loving and caring wife. And you're feeling more and more like you're an inflatable doll for him to use when he wants rather than an equal partner in your sexuality: your husband just uses you is how you feel. And this is what you proved to yourself this morning by looking away and he not even reacting to your lack of enjoyment.
This is very hurtful. You know that sex between loving spouses is meant to be an act of sharing and of great intimacy. And intimacy means more than copulating. And you're correct, this is the sexual relationship that is considered normal. The husband is expected to want to give pleasure to his wife as much as to receive. And he is expected to treat sex as always an act of giving and receiving, a mutual act of intimacy and shared pleasure.
And this is why it is so emotionally hurtful to you and destructive to the marriage. You are losing that sense of love and intimacy and shared pleasure with your husband.
I can't tell you what his motivation in being this rough, selfish and one-sided is. He might have grown up in an environment that fostered the idea that wives are there to serve husbands. That's not standard any more, but maybe. He may have a personality or character issue about being a bit of a bully. I don't know if that's accurate. There are many, many possibilities, you see.
But what I can tell you with confidence is this: you need to take action with him to correct this problem or it will only get worse. You will only feel worse and the marriage will become threatened. This, then, is very important that you two seek professional help in dealing with this. Because you've indicated that he doesn't listen to you in these matters. And this is a tragic mistake on his part. Because he's losing your trust in him as someone who cares for and about you and thus in the marriage.
Here is an online therapist finder for Australia that I like because you can see a picture of the person and read about them a bit. You need to interview the therapist and make sure he/she is comfortable working with couples and sexual problems and issues.
The Australian Psychological Society has a search.Again, make sure couples is a priority in his/her work.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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