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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I was in cognitive behavioral therapy with a pyschologist

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I was in cognitive behavioral therapy with a pyschologist with a PhD for 3 years. I was released from his care about 2 months ago and have a follow up in a couple of weeks. Prior to my therapy I had severe anxiety with panic attacks, panic attacks were mostly at night I would jump up right out of my sleep with heart racing and sweating...very terrifying. Three years of therapy helped me tremendously. We focused in therapy on all aspects of my life included my family (siblings and mother) and work and found that most of my anxiety was due to these relationships. I am one of 6 children and the most responsible one and a good head on my shoulders so unfortunately my family always comes to me for everything they need help with including financial issues, venting, all kinds of problems and they expect me to fix it. Therapy helped me to balance things and not always say "yes" to everyone and everything and taught me to assess situations and not to be afraid to say "no". After I was released from therapy i as feeling great but I have found that since then I have become very "closed in" kind of avoiding family and work issues. I think i am doing it to protect myself by putting up walls. I don't like being this way, I am doing a total opposite of always saying "yes" to always saying "no". I am not socializing much and I am not happy about feeling this way. I don't think i am depressed I think I am just being proactive so that I dont' get back into high anxiety and panic attacks again. Is this a normal process and is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I am 42 and very happily married. My marriage is wonderful...its other relationships. Also I am taking no medication other than Xanax to help me sleep at night....

Thanks for your question.

It's great to hear that you have benefited so much from therapy and gained that ability to say "no." If you've been saying "yes" for the majority of your life, it's not uncommon that once you have found your ability to say "no" to start to make up for lost time, and use it as a way to distance yourself from people who you may have said "yes" to most often. That can result in putting up walls and becoming more closed in as you described. This is not uncommon, and the most important thing is that you continue to moniter and remain aware of this, which will allow you to eventually find your balance.

To some extent it sounds like there may be good reason to say "no" a lot of the time if you feel like a lot of the weight has always been on your shoulders. Of course in the long run the idea is to avoid living in either extreme and strike that balance in your relationships, at least with the people who allow that to be possible. In the meantime it may take some time to figure out exactly what that balance looks like, but at long as you continue to remain aware of this and work on it, it is a normal part of this process and it should all start to come together.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.


Hey there, I never heard back from you so I hope that I was able to help you out. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know, otherwise if you wouldn't mind leaving me a positive review for my time I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.


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