Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I suffer from low self esteem. I have destructive

relationships with men> My parents...
I suffer from low self esteem. I have destructive relationships with men> My parents had a bad marriage and I believe that contributed to this as I have no idea how to conduct myself in a relationship.
What can I do to get help?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 12 minutes by:
2/3/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am sorry to hear you are suffering from destructive relationships, and I shall do my best to help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

How would you characterise your parents' relationship, and your father's treatment of your mother?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A lot is learned in relationships by a child in her formative yhears.

Customer:

Their relationship is non existent. they hardly speak to one another and the first time i noticed a couple really communicating it was totally alien to me. He has treated her very badly over the years. she is a wonderful woman but he has ruined her confidence

Customer:

Are you responding?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sorry. There was slow computer transmission.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has also hurt YOUR confidence. You experienced this negativity as your "normal" from childhood.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you see a counsellor where you live, who is professional and experienced?

Customer:

Indeed so I have not developed healthy relationships with men. I had a long term relationship with a man who abused my kindness and trust. I recently met a man but he has turned out not great. He doesnt communiate well and when we have disgreements I find myself apologising just to keep him happy....

Customer:

I dont think so. I go to England very often and I am looking to see one there and possibly follow up with Skype/telephone sessions. I am willing to work with a therapist anywhere, via skype/ohone calls and will foot the bills for the phone calls of course. I need help before its too late

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have a list of therapists for you in England.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Here is a place to look:

http://www.psychfinder.co.uk/

Here is another:

http://members.psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

Here is a third place:

http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/


And a fourth place:


http://www.cosrt.org.uk/find_therapist.asp

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I also have some excellent books to recommend on raising self-esteem and on relationships.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I can give you some links to www.amazon.co.ukl

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dr. Fennell is one of the best experts and writers in the field.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Dr Melanie Fennell (16 Apr 2009)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What is happening in your relationships with men? Do they abuse you emotionally or physically?

Customer:

Thank you. My case is way beyond literature. I need contact. I will use your links for referals. You havent said much about my condition though

Customer:

Sorry, just saw your question.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

OK. We are on the same page.

Customer:

Mental. I have never been in a physically abusive relationship.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What happens? Where do things turn bad?

Customer:

With the last one, almost from the very beginning really. He is a chronic womaniser....he seeks adoration and total loyalty.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A narcissist. Why did you go with him?

Customer:

With the one i dated for many years.....he was mentally very abusive and manipulative. A very big liar! Not a true word came out of his lips.

Customer:

Yes a bigtime narcissist! I dont know - he is good looking, wealthy, funny and I must add - married

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Also a narcissist. The biggest liars and manipulators.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Was your father a narcissist?

Customer:

Hmmmm....I dont think so. I think he suffers from low self esteem though

Customer:

I guess if he was maybe to my mum.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And did he raise it by being abuse to others?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

abusive

Customer:

He was always disagreeing with his colleagues/friends. Always finding fault in others, and if someone was more successful than he was, he felt they were looking down on him. he was mentally abusive to his kids in some ways and on the other hand very kind...a contradiction of sorts

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists hate people who are more successful than they are.

Customer:

Really? Maybe he is one then.....

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They compensate by finding fault in others

Customer:

I found that with the last guy...I was always trying to please him. It was a disaster!

Customer:

Why do I go for these type of men?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They control people by being abusive, often mentally, and this gives them what they need, which we call "narcissistic supply".

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are, in a sense, always trying to have a good relationship, and please your father.

Customer:

Interesting....I need a lot of help. I am ready for change. Enough is enough!

Customer:

Really? Please him?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You just need to change your thinking.

Customer:

I would never have thought so.....I guess I dont have a good example

Customer:

Yes I do...how can I do this?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You were often criticised.

Customer:

I am going to find a therapist and go to the UK in the next few days...I can begng and then follow up with calls/kype. I was almost suicidal the other day because I was just fed up!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

By learning to recognise that you seek out people like this, and to avoid them. Raising your self-esteem would help a great deal.

Customer:

Hmmm...interesting. How does one raise one s self esteem?

Customer:

You know I have decided I do not want to get married

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are not mentally ill. You have been emotionally injured and never was given a good sense of the way relationships COULD be.

Customer:

I guess so....I need to change this ASAP.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You raise your self-esteem by learning from a therapist, from reading brilliant books like Dr. Fennell's that I cited, and by trial and error.

Customer:

Ok.....do you offer sessions on Skype?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have done the trial and error and now you have to re-examine what has occurred.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Unfortunately I cannot give out my contact information because of my agreement with JustAnswer. I would lose my job. Otherwise I would be delighted to help you.

Customer:

Total failure...thats what has happened. Today I feel really strong and havent heard from him at all. I am hoping I can keep this up so it can finally end

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

YOU can control the situation and determine whether or not you really even want to hear from him.

Customer:

oh what a pity!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What is a pity?

Customer:

I cannot work with you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes, I am so sorry.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I can only work here.

Customer:

I dont want to hear from him. He had become aloof and nasty anyway. So i started behaving in excatly the same way to him. I also notice that sometimes when I am angry with him rather than tell him I would bottle it all up and react after a day or two....

Customer:

Can I come here and specifically ask for you then? from time to time

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you don't want to hear from him then just shut the door and don't let him back in.

Customer:

Yes thats what I need to do. Should I delete him from my blackberry messenger?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Of course you can come to talk to me. I am here just about everyday.

Customer:

I dont want him to speak about me in anger as he is married and I wouldnt want to soil my reputation. He is that much of a narcissist

Customer:

Fabulous! I will have to do that then

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just ask FOR ELLIOTT at the top of the question and it will come to me. If I am online and not with a client I shall talk to you immeciately.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

immediately.

Customer:

Ok. I will def do that

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is the married one and has to worry about HIS reputation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is fabulous. I shall look forward to talking to you whenever you need me.

Customer:

In my society ( I am Nigerian) men get away with murder. its considered normal for a man to have extra marital affairs. There are so many women with all the wealth in the world here but awful marriages and low self esteem. thats one of the reasons I do not want to get married

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It sounds like a good choice.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have Nigerian friends and know the culture somewhat.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

At least through them.

Customer:

Yes. I do not think I can handle it. Many of my friends are so unhappy. We are well educated and great women but the men are idiots!

Customer:

So you have a fair idea what I am on about then....

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A little bit. You are a unique human being first of all. But I know you have a lot of spirit, and it needs to be allowed to soar.

Customer:

Indeed...I have to heal and stop this pattern. Its taken its toll on me. When I met this guy, I just threw caution to the wind....I knew deep down he was a wrong choice but I went on anyway.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will learn to hold back and follow your sound instincts instead of going down a path that will only lead to pain and heartache and being victimized

Customer:

from a good therapist?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What do you mean?

Customer:

Learning to hold back and follow my sound instincts?

Customer:

I am 40 but I am emotionally very very immature.

Customer:

I find that I hold back my anger instead of expressing it at the right time or I act up

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will catch up. You will get your voice and then nobody will manipulate you any longer.

Customer:

I sincerely ***** ***** I am so very tired of the cycle

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are very intelligent, quite competent, have no apparent mental problems. You are just used to being a victim.

Customer:

Victim mentality....what a shme!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will learn new behaviour.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

We have ALL been victimized sometime.

Customer:

Thats my hope.I just need to find a therapist to work with. Yes I guess some people broke out while others remaied

Customer:

remained in bondage

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You choose narcissists. Narcissists do NOT have the capability of feeling empathy for others. It is lacking. They cannot learn it , but only fake it. They are sociopaths.

Customer:

Its funny because they are both very generous people. Always seeking to donate to charity. having said that I guess thats for their personal gain.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Makes them important, beloved, and polishes their public image. Most of our "great" leaders and philanthropists are narcissists. They love the spotlight, the prestige, the power, THE CONTROL.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They love to be celebrated for their generosity when often they are evil-doers.

Customer:

makes a lot of sense...

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You would do well to have a relationship with someone mature enough and not programmed by the mass media, to recognise you as a real person - for your beauty, charm, value, intelligence, and learning. There are people who would see your soul and find you precious and wonderful.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is the kind of friends that you should have in your life - and they are out there !

Customer:

I believe they are out there....I have to work on self first though and hopefully then embark on a decent relationship

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you will succeed.

Customer:

I believe i will. I will begin my search tomorrow. Thanks for your help

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers. I have no doubt that you will succeed.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get the self-esteem book (probably available in Kindle edition which you can save and read on your computer).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so very welcome. It is been a great honour to talk to youl

Customer:

Please do.I will be back in few days

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Great. I shall look for you.

Customer:

enjoy the rest of the evening

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You too.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I live in Pennsylvania and I'm looking for an expert in the
i live in Pennsylvania and I'm looking for an expert in the area of Cluster B personality Disorders … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
If a child cried after leaving a bonding assessment with a
If a child cried after leaving a bonding assessment with a mother (because she didn't want to leave the mother) would the therapist likely say the child has abandonment issues or would she say the chi… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I suffer from anxiety, and have been taking Ativan 0.5mg,
I suffer from anxiety, and have been taking Ativan 0.5mg, one a day for 23 years. Recently my doctor told me, (because of some anxiety issues) I could take up to three of my 0.5mg Ativan. Is there a p… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
My husband is addicted to porn. How and where can I get him
my husband is addicted to porn. How and where can I get him help? … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
ADHD Question: Do adults who had ADHD growing up and with
ADHD Question: Do adults who had ADHD growing up and with continuing ADHD into adulthood have difficulty maintaining close relationships with others or appreciating the importance and value of other p… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
How should I handle a situation with a group of ladies who
How should I handle a situation with a group of ladies who asked me how a friend was and I felt compelled to answer about her health with too much info and now I am afraid my friend who has no idea th… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I an suffering from severe panick disorder. It started 6
Second opinion] I an suffering from severe panick disorder. It started 6 months ago When I had them before I would meditate and pray and go to sleep . Now I have gerd and have to take medicine advil t… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I'm currently on fmla leave with plans to return to work Jan
hi i'm currently on fmla leave with plans to return to work Jan 17, however, today or saturday I had to go to the emergency room with elevated blood press or thy called it a panic attack … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I am currently weaning from one anxiety medications to
I am currently weaning from one anxiety medications to another for hypochondriasis. I am under the guidance of my psychiatrist. I am finding my health worries are very high whilst I am switching meds.… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
I was interested in beginning therapy but researching if it
Hello! I was interested in beginning therapy but researching if it was covered by insurance … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
At times I am happy an excited to be around others but
Hello,at times I am happy an excited to be around others but sometimes I feel like I can stare at a wall for hours, completely empty. What symptom would this be indicative of?… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I'm a Bipolar 36 year-old male with severe anxiety and
I'm a Bipolar 36 year-old male with severe anxiety and depression. What is the best anxiety medicine I should be taken? I've taken Clonazepam for 8 years and it no longer helps. Would another drug lik… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,675 satisfied customers
Why is it that my husband will not make love and i mean it
Why is it that my husband will not make love and i mean it goes for months but i just found out that he will pleasure himself but he will not tell me why he just says that he has not sex drive … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I went through a major depressive episode after an abortion
I went through a major depressive episode after an abortion which resulted in several suicide attempts last year in June. Since then I've recovered and I'm doing well. I'm not on any current mendications and I'm still improving in my mood. Anxiety is stabilised and under control. However I want to return to my nursing school. My psychiatrist is hesitant to say I'm fit to return back to nursing as she has only seen me once. How do I go about getting a medical clearance? How do I prove that I'm mentally stable? It is important for me to continue my degree, as this is the first major step for me to take to regain some of my life back. … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I've recently been diagnosed with adjustment disorder,
I've recently been diagnosed with adjustment disorder, depressive disorder and suicidal ideation. Is it possible for there to be a more serious underlining condition or disorder? Is it possible to all… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I am battling depression. I've had it off and on since I was
i am battling depression. I've had it off and on since I was fourteen. I'm 45 now. I take lots of medication, I see a psychiatrist, and a therapist, but every morning and much of the day, I am still v… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I need a referral to a psychologist in Calgary with a strong
I need a referral to a psychologist in Calgary with a strong background in addiction to alcohol… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have leukemia. I was wondering about when to hesitate
I have leukemia. I was wondering about when to hesitate telling people. I expect a bit of sympathy, but I also want patience. I'm tired at times, need more sleep and a different work schedule. I quit … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x