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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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Ok, this is new to me. Let me give you the back ground of my

This answer was rated:

Ok, this is new to me. Let me give you the back ground of my problem.
I am a retired U.S. Marine. I live in eastern Kentucky and own a refrigeration company. I met a young man who worked for me and would come over to my house with his friend and one of their fathrs to play Dungeons and Dragons with me. This young man had a very troubled childhood and I had lost my son years ago. I took an interest in helping this young man. Sort of giving him a positive figure in his life.
This young man joined the marine corps and did so in order to become something better than what his future held for him here in eastern kentucky. After his joining I would fly him home or drive down and get him so he could visit with his family, because most of the money he earned he would send home to them because it ws pretty bad there. I never complained nor do I care the cost.
In April of 2011 I was knocked off of a building I was working on and broke both of my ankles, my left leg in 17 places and my right heal was crushed. This young man would call me every day and keep my spirits up, he came home on leave and literally did not leave my home for 20 days, he did not go see friends family or his girlfriend. He stayed there at my house and helped me learn to walk again to fend for myself again.
After he went back to the Marines I would continue to fly him home and I would help him take care of his family problems. I went to visit him after I was able to get around using canes to walk. While there he had a complete break down, he realized that he did not want to be in the marines anymore and he wanted to go Awol. I told him not to do that thatthere were other ways to face this. I found out he qualified for a hardship discharge. It became very expensive and I paid for it all, It took a long time to get him the discharge but he did get it. He came hom in june of last year and moved into my home, he started working for me but now there are some serius problems. I need some help here.
Thanks for your question.

It sounds like you have really gone out of your way to help each other throughout your lives, and I'm sorry to hear that there are some serious problems going on now. I've reviewed all of the background information that you sent me. Can you tell me what the problems are that you're having now and what help you need with them? Thanks,

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

The problem is I feel like I am being pushed away. Like no matter what I try to do I am not able to get back the friendship we had. We both go to work each day, and it is a strugle for me to do this with my injuries, but as soon as we get home it is as if I am being pushed away. We were great friends and really close now it is as if I have to plead with him to do anything.

I told him he owes me nothing but respect for the things I have done, I mean I have bought him a car, I help him with all things. But there is never a thank you. He says things like having emotions is wrong, that he can't care anymore. I try to get him to do anything outside of work with me and he will say he is tired or he is not wanting to do anything but he will right after that leave with other people to go do whatever. If I say anything I am wrong if I do not say anything I am mad.

If I ask him or his brother to clean up the house I am mad, wash the dishes they dirty I am mad. No matter what I am doing I am mad.

They invite their friends over and ignore me as if I do not exist, but then the next day get upset with me because I did not hang out? But yet I am wrong if I do. I am not wanting to lose this friendship. I am tryingn everything I can to find a middle ground. I just do not know what to do anymore. Can you help me find what is going on here?

It sounds like you are being pushed away in some respects, so I can understand how you'd feel like that. You've obviously done a lot to help him throughout his life, and it says a lot about your character that you haven't asked for anything in return but to be treated respectfully.

The fact that he says that having emotions is wrong and that he can't care anymore makes me question whether something has changed that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. His behavior and actions towards you have drastically changed, and you are only right to want to know what it is and how to repair your relationship.

It may help to point out some of these drastic changes in the way he acts towards you, and try to have this conversation about the why your relationship has changed, and what can be done about it. He is sending you mixed messages by ignoring you and then acting as if you should have been included, and if you are called mad whether you say anything or not, then he is not leaving you in a fair position. Unless something actually happened that would cause him to act like this, it seems like you are completely justified in asking some of these questions, especially considering what your relationship used to be like together. That would seem like the best place to start in terms of starting to figure this out and repair your relationship together. I definitely wish you the best with all of this and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

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