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Susan Ivy
Susan Ivy, RN, MSN, CNS
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4058
Experience:  MSN Child/Adolescent Psychiatry, w/ Child, Adult &Family Psychotherapy coursework and experience
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Why do some men fantasize about pubescent OKMH202211

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Why do some men fantasize about pubescent girls? I know someone who is doing this, and it is very disturbing and I honestly don't understand it. I know he does not act on it but why would he even be thinking this way. It just seems so wrong- and obviously the reality is illegal. He has a respectable job and is in his 50's!


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Hello and thank you for your question.

There are different theories on why a grown person would be obsessed or interested in prepubescent children sexually. The most accepted theory is that in some way, the adult was 'stunted' emotionally at this age themselves. This is sometimes found to be due to a sexual trauma that occurred to the individual at this age themselves (and which is almost always suppressed or unconscious - it does not necessarily have to be that the individual was physically sexually abused, it could be due to more suttle types of abuse or exposures). Thus, it is thought that the individual becomes delayed emotionally and/or sexually at this developmental level of a prepubescent themselves, especially if the circumstances that they may have been exposed to were never acknowledged at that time or later as damaging.

If the individual is able to realize that this is a symptom of an emotional developmental problem and is willing to participate in psychotherapy (with a therapist that is experienced in sexual trauma) then there is a good chance that they could develop beyond this stage. If they are fearful of psychotherapy or looking at their past closely, then there is less of a chance that they will be able to work through this in a healthy way.

Please reply if you need further help with this topic.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

So they are looking at girls at the age they were stunted because they feel like their equals? Less threatening? More natural and comfortable than their own age? But why is it so often pre=pubescent? These men all just happen to get stunted at the same time? Because they seem to be enticed about the girls budding sexuality. They are little girls but also on the brink of being a woman. Does this just feel more exciting to them? Like they will be the ones to make them become a woman? Or is it about control. Sorry, but this is really worrying me. This person calls me a "little girl" and he says "Ive got you" and holds onto me tight.Do they know it is wrong? They must because they don't talk about it publicly. It is always a secret fantasy.

It is not a question that can be answered definitely in each case, only theoretically, but yes many of the things that you are saying also can be part of it. Control and power are a very important factor. I also do not find that most men are attracted to pre pubescent children. We do see these cases of men attracted to pre-pubescent children, but they stand out because they are unnatural, an exception, not typical for most men.

That the man calls you little girl, I don't necessarily see as bad in and of itself, but... I am not in your shoes and don't know the circumstances. If it feels uncomfortable for you, it is important for you to trust your feelings and consider whether you feel it is a comfortable situation for you. For example, can you talk to him about this? If he is not open to talking about how you are feeling about this actions and statements, and not willing to negotiate and consider YOUR feelings, then this is of course a sign that it might not be a good relationship. A healthy relationship is one where issues such as this can be talked about in the open between you both.

This is a great resource for understanding about what is healthy and not healthy in a relationship:

Please continue to reply if you have further concerns.
Susan Ivy, RN, MSN, CNS
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4058
Experience: MSN Child/Adolescent Psychiatry, w/ Child, Adult &Family Psychotherapy coursework and experience
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