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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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Hi! I feel very lonely and ignored, i find it difficult to

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Hi! I feel very lonely and ignored, i find it difficult to maintain any relationship with my friends or people i know, at first it goes ok, but later i strart feeling too different. I am very moody lately and nothing interests me anymore. I did really well at school, but since i came to the university i am not interested in anything, actually the best time for me is alone in my room talking to myself and when i am with my friends i prefer listening and usually i change my personality. I really fear to be hurt and that is mostly because i was very badly at school, i think i got over it, but i can feel the consequences. I have never talked to people what happened and i still have no courage to tell anyone why i was bullied. I feel ashamed. I feel very dishonest sometimes even with myself and sometimes i just want to be in the land with no people. I always fear to be judged, so i try to agree with alomost everything, i'm just very scared to be left alone and feel like i need help. I had a pshychological therapy for 9 months, but it didn't help me much because i wasn't very sincere. I feel very afraid to be judged and sometimes afraid that i can start hating myself. Sounds depressing, but all what i've said is sincere true. Could you give me an advice how i can get out of this situation and start healing? Thank you. I'm 19.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like you are very aware of what the problem is in many ways, which does give you a good place to start in terms of starting to work through this. Unfortunately it is going to be very difficult to stop feeling lonely and get rid of this fear of being judged until you truly let someone into your world and into the thoughts and fears that are going through your mind. That can be extremely difficult to do, but it does sound like a lot of these fears are because no one knows the "real" you and there is some fear of their reaction. I know that there is even some fear of you getting to know the real you. Right now, if you don't feel like anyone really knows and understands you, that would be a very lonely and isolating feeling for anyone.

What you've described is very common for someone who has been bullied. You are not alone in feeling this way, and it is certainly possible to get through this, improve your self esteem, and start feeling more connected to people. The best way to start healing from this is to find someone to open up to. While that may sound scary, it is important to do that so that you can see for yourself that it is possible for you to be honest with yourself and other people, and still be able to form good relationships and have people appreciate you.

I absolutely respect that you have attempted therapy in the past, although unfortunately therapy is only going to be productive if you are completely sincere throughout the process. Even if you don't have anyone else currently in your life that you feel comfortable expressing yourself too, giving therapy another try could make a big difference if you are able to be more open and honest about the problems you face. Most universities have counselling centers, so you may able to start fresh with someone else for free or very low cost.

I suspect that a lot of these bad feelings are a result of the bullying that you experienced, and if you've been made to feel like you can't be yourself, then all of these feelings do make sense. However it is certainly possible for you to get through this and get past this, but it will involve taking a step out of your comfort zone and opening up to someone who you consider to be most trustworthy. I definitely wish you the best with all of this and can appreciate that you are already reaching out here. If there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Ryan LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your answer. I think I should have emphasized that though I am asking for help and want improvements, it's mostly because I feel the need to do it. I'd rather just stay in my room and do nothing and just be with myself, but.. I can't afford such luxury. I am a black and white person, so I want to ask if I feel so unhappy and that is partly because of my course, do you think I should be brave and reapply for another course or even take something like a gap year? I know it is too little information, but do you think it is something a person like me ought to do?

Thanks I'm glad I can help. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with staying in your room and doing nothing by yourself if you're ok with that. Knowing that you're a black and white person though, it is important that you still look for help and improvements just as anyone would do when working on their weaknesses. It's tough to push yourself outside of that comfort zone, but that is what will start to make these problems that you've mentioned easier to cope with. No one is comfortable doing that, but the fact that you do feel the need to do that speaks very well of your own self motivation.

You've raised a good question, which probably doesn't have a perfect answer. You didn't mention any particular concerns that would make me automatically believe that you can't handle another course. At the same time, if you feel like a lot of this unhappiness is directly related to your course, then I think that is important to listen to. If you are struggling to the point where it is unbearable and you are feeling like you can't handle it, then there is nothing wrong with taking a break and working on yourself, especially if that will allow you to come back stronger the next time. But, if this is all new to you, then sometimes if you continue to push yourself to take the next course, then as things become more familiar they will also start getting easier to manage and eventually fall into place. If the course is just a piece of the problem, then it is possible that if you were to sign up for your next course while also working on these problems, that it would be significantly less difficult than your current course. Hang in there and good luck with everything,

Ryan LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks again.

If I can ever be of any more help you're always welcome back. Take care,