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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I-m having difficulty moving away from a narcissist/ it-s

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I-m having difficulty moving away from a narcissist/ it-s really getting me down / any advice. we had a relationship a year ago and he keeps popping up to stop me from moving forward. its getting me down. i feel intimidated by him. is anyone going to answer this

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

I am sorry to hear about this issue with the Narcissist in your life. It is extremely difficult as you well know to move forward after being embroiled by a Narcissistic type- but it can be done through increased learning, support and having a clear direction.

I have specific Expertise in Personality Disorders and when dealing with a Narcissist, you have to understand that you are dealing with someone that is functioning at a very primitive level. Although many are very bright , successful and worldly, it is just a hollow shell of person that you are dealing with . They are fragile- just like and egg.....when they are challenged or feel threatened- the respond in childish ways often attempting to make others (in this case you) responsible for their problems........again, you are dealing with a person that relates emotionally- like a child.

Educating yourself and learning how to escape these toxic dynamics can be accomplished and you can move forward with your life. You have to understand that this is an abusive relationship and you are the victim.

I am attaching some detailed information that will help you toward this goal of detachment and moving forward.

http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html

http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Narcissistic-personality-disorder.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

See this Video on how to separate from the Narcissist:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEJc_0Aks04


I also recommend the book:

"Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life"

Again- you first have to educate yourself and define YOUR path forward.

This is something you can do.

If you have additional questions for me, feel free to ask.

Kindest regards,

Bill

I appreciate your positive rating so that I receive credit for my time.

Thank you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear Bill, many thx for replying/ i turned off the computer as the reply took a long time. Can you tell me if it would be better for me to move/ i-m trying to maintain no contact but i live in a small place where everybody knows everybody and he is v difficult to avoid/ / if he even hears things about me, i find him turning up at the door. Im really getting to my wits end about this. thx

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.

Hi Frances-

Sometime people have to move to get away from the Narcissist. Keep in mind that the Narcissist if fearful of abandonment if he is continuing to show up at your door, he will ultimately use other tactics- i.e. defame you before others to try and regain control.

What ever you have to do- I would do - if your desire is to get away.

If anything- watch this video from one of the leading experts in the world on Narcissism- Sam Vaknin
It is attached above but he explains what you are dealing with in breaking away from the Narcissist:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEJc_0Aks04

I apologize for the delay - and trust that this will help.

Kindest regards,

Bill

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks Bill. I-m watching the utube videos now and they explain things very clearly. I thought I had got away from him at xmas but he phoned me twice at very bizarre times 2am one morning, then just before christmas day. i hadn-t told him i was going back to my native home for xmas so it was obviously control. I tried to be cool about the behaviour but as soon as i got back he was on my doorstep, the same thing happened last week as i think he got to hear that i would be going to a party with friends on saturday so again it is control, checking up. I try and avoid him all the time but it makes me isolated and i feel i am suffering from a degree of PTSD as i dont seem able to socialise like before and feel very on edge going out / to the extent people here have started to comment. The thing was I was fine when I was away from here and him/ with my family so my thinking is to get away/ it seems the only solution.

Frances - getting away may very well be the only solution-

If you continue watching Sam Virginians videos - particularly this one on "Gaslighting" you
will see how this abusive relationship abuse----where the narcissist slowly works to take control of your life internally and externally -through social contacts- work- seeks to undermine you with the goal of regaining control:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQCdUa_3rLo&list=PLSx8ZivWnZfEPSRX7sqzVfjAYGPibAR2_

If you are going to stay- you may have to engage legal resources to prevent him from having contact with you.

Kind regards,

Bill
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