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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have a lot of friends and a big family. Yet I feel so lonley.

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I have a lot of friends and a big family. Yet I feel so lonley. It's like I have a black hole in me, and I don't know how to fill it... I've been feeling like this on and of for about 5 years, mostly in the dark wintertime. (I'm norwegian). The last few days i'v felt a little ok again, but then my girlfriend split up with me and the darkness returned... I understand my ex very well. we were more friends than a couple. But now the last bit of hope sort of dissapaird. I just want to be somebodys nr1. not just a nice guy one share two minutes with talking in the hallway or something. I want to be called fantastic! people tell me nice things all the time, but it's like no one means it. just a short "love you" ect when we leave each other. I know my mother also had some problems with things like this at my age. (21) and she got comittet to a institution for a few weeks then. Should I see a doctor or something to get help. or is the soloution to just "get over it"? (I don't know if I can...)
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you might be depressed. Feeling like you have a black hole in you and feeling isolated from others are common to someone who is depressed.

If you have been experiencing these feelings off and on for several years, it could be a mild depression. That means that some of the time you don't feel this way and instead you feel able to cope with your life, even feel happy and settled. Other times you feel as you do now. If your mother had issues with depression, it could be that some of your symptoms were inherited. But most likely in a milder form.

One of the best ways to know what is happening to you is to explore the symptoms of depression. If you feel you match most of the criteria, it may be a good idea to consider seeing a therapist and possibly also a psychiatrist for medications, especially if you feel you have a hard time coping.

Also, it sounds like you feel isolated from others socially and when they do tell you nice things about yourself, you have a hard time taking them in. It could be that along with depression you are experiencing some self esteem issues. It would be worth looking into self help resources and therapy as well to improve your self esteem and help you connect with others.

To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. You can also contact your local agencies and/or universities to see what options you have.

Along with therapy, self help can make a difference. The more you learn about your symptoms, the more you can help yourself feel better. Here are some resources to help you get started:

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence by Nathaniel Branden

I hope this has helped you,

TherapistMarryAnn and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

You may also find this resource helpful:


The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs by Stephen S. Ilardi






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