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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have over the past 4 years lost 3 very close people in my

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Hi, I have over the past 4 years lost 3 very close people in my life. I found my close friend when he hung himself, then a year later my first love that I had not spoken to in a long time commited suicide also and last summer my best friend and passed away unexpectedly. I of course have suffered terrible grief for all of them in different ways. Soon after the losses, I became very numb, did not see sense and as a result hurt people close to me, the worst being sleeping with somebody else when I was in a fantastic relationship, ruining even more of my life. I feel like I was self destructing and couldn't even see it until my real feelings came back to me! Is this normal? Am I right that I felt mentally ill at that time? I need to make sense of it, because every time the reasoning is needed, people say its ridiculous...I genuinely felt mentally ill, with no control over myself and it has made my life horrible. Can you help me understand my actions and feelings?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your questions.
It is certainly normal to feel as you did. You just lost three people in your life in terrible ways. And finding your friend after he committed suicide would be very traumatic. It would not be unusual for you to be suffering from PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome just from that experience alone. Add to that the grief you are going through, and you would probably overwhelm your ability to cope. That could lead to you making some decisions that you normally would not if you were in normal circumstances.
Often when you are faced with circumstances that are too much to handle, your mind tries to find ways to cope. And sometimes that causes you to go outside of your normal behaviors and act out in ways that you would not typically consider. It can also exaggerate your emotions. You may find yourself feeling more angry, anxious or depressed. Things that were simple before can suddenly seem hard to deal with. And you may either pull away from others or seek out relationships with people you would not normally associate with.
Your experiences can also affect your relationship. You may feel like hiding and avoiding your partner. And in your case, you may just have wanted to find an escape that did not require any emotional involvement, just to forget for a while. Although that is not a good response for the health of your relationship, it is understandably given your situation.
The key here is what you decide to do with it. Continuing with this behavior could affect your relationship with your partner and with your friends. They do not want to see you hurt yourself emotionally over this. It may help you to consider talking to a therapist just to help you work through your grief and to find ways to help you cope with what you feel. While you were not "mentally ill" in terms of a diagnosis when you felt as you did, it can still feel like you are overwhelmed with your feelings and like you are going "crazy". That is most likely your mind's way of trying to deal with the trauma and grief. By talking to a therapist, however, they can help you through support and ways to cope that are healthier for you and for your relationship.
I hope this has helped you,
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you Kate for your quick response!

It does make me feel better knowing that the grief could make me do things that really are Its just frustrating that my actions only made things more difficult for me and everyone around me.

I think a therapist would be a good option, because I like to put on a front but still burn inside.

Thanks again Kate :-)

You're welcome! I am glad I could help. You have really been through a lot, so give yourself time to recover. You may not feel like yourself for a bit, but with some time and support, you will work it through.
My best to you,