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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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I don't know if it is deprression or not, but lately I feel

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I don't know if it is deprression or not, but lately I feel so useless and wake up with the feeling what I am doing here and sometimes losing my motivation to start a day. Actually I have a good job in middle management level at a good company, and I am still single.
I always think that the cause of all my mental sickness is that my family is not a normal family. My mum had mental problems: too pride and egoism combined with paranoid, and even halusination that everyone has been trying to endanger her. She didn't want to shake hands with others and completely isolate herself from the neighborhood and don't want to go out the house since I was in Junior High school. Sometimes I got scared with her. My mom and dad had always have quarrels, but they chose to stay together until they died. The cause of that was that none of us ever felt happy: my dad, my sisters and me. I am become introvert in everything. Because I feel terrified to tell my friends about my family condition or take friends home to the house. I feel jealous with my friends' families, and sometimes hoping that I have a different family.
My parents have passed away. But I don't know how, I still feel different from the others. Not so open, have a few friends, don't have a serious relationship. After my mom died, I was getting rotation to other city in other island and had to be separated from my sisters, the persons who know and understand me. First, I think it was a good start to start over my life in new chapter, but what I feel then is emptyness. I start to think negatives why it has to be me that being sent here, what other people think about me, comparing my situation with other friends, etc..One of weaknesses is my moody feeling, but now it is getting worse everyday. I don't want to be failed in my job or be alone forever, but I don't know how to be a happy and positive person lately..I feel angry and disappointed in many things and crying on bed a lot of time...
Please, I need an advice..I don't want it getting worse..
(Forgive my bad English)
Hi there,
I'm Alicia, thanks for your question. I'm happy to try to help you with this problem. Based on what you've described, it sounds like you could be suffering from depression, especially if you're feeling an overall sense of sadness, feeling a lack of motivation - especially a lack of wanting to do things that you used to enjoy doing, and if you're feeling a bit lonely or are perhaps having trouble finding people you truly enjoy spending time with. Only an in-person evaluation with a licensed or certified mental health professional can say for sure, however. I do want to point out, because of what you said about your mother, that depression does have a genetic component, so it's possible that it runs in your family. Also, it sounds like there are some unresolved issues regarding your feelings about your relationship with your parents, and about their relationship (which might be, on some level, affecting your inability to connect with a romantic partner today.) Even though your parents are no longer living, it's important that you talk about these feelings with someone so that they don't continue to have power over you in this way. That's not to say that the whole cause of the way you're feeling is because of your childhood or things that happened while you were growing up, and it's not always necessary to focus on these things so much, but it is important to address them.
I would suggest that you think about talking to your doctor to see if he or she can refer you to a mental health professional (psychologist, counselor or social worker) so you can have an evaluation to talk about what's going on, and what might be the right course of treatment. It might be the case that you just need a bit of extra support and you need someone with whom you can talk through your feelings. Or it might be the case that you are suffering from clinical depression and you need a more supportive form of treatment. I see that you are in Indonesia, and from what I understand, counseling isn't something that's as common there as it is in other countries, but if your doctor cannot help, you might try contacting the Asian Psychological Organization to see if they can give you a referral to a member psychologist in your area. This is their website:
I hope this helps, and I wish you lots of luck. If you have any further questions, or if you'd like to talk more, please let me know.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your expkanation. There's something I still don't get it about the unresolved problems with my parents. You mean I can't just try to forget it, but have to deal with it and how it affect me? Because all this time sometimes it is easier for me to pretend that I have a normal family, that my parents were great parents, that I erase all bad memories than try to face it. Make a fake fantasy about my life.

And about that depression has tendency to be inherited, what should I

do to prevent it? I don't want to be a weird woman like my mom..

Hello again,
You're welcome. Now, from what you've said, just trying to forget it hasn't really worked so far, because these issues are things that still seem to be affecting you. Some people do exactly what you've described - making a fantasy life and trying to pretend that things were different than they actually were - but that often results in mental and emotional problems. It can be painful to face the facts, but once let out and deal with your painful feelings about the past, you might actually feel better than you feel now. Unresolved feelings have to be dealt with or they continue to have a hold over us, usually unconsciously.
That being said, as far as preventing depression... I don't think feeling depressed makes you weird - and it sounds like your mom had some other issues in addition to being depressed, issues that don't seem to be affecting you. But if it is genetic, it doesn't mean you have to suffer from it. Firstly, by dealing with the issues that are bothering you (with a counselor, for example) then you already take a step toward dealing with the depression. And just acknowledging what happened, dealing with it, but then putting it in the past and looking at your life as it is now is another way to deal with your feelings. Trying to live in the present and taking steps to improve your life now (with work, making new friends, doing things that make you happy, etc.) can help.
You might also find this information helpful:
And talking to your doctor, who can help you figure out how to manage your symptoms if in fact you are suffering from clinical depression (and he or she can help determine whether this is the case) is another good first step to take.
Good luck, and please let me know if you have any more questions.
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