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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.she now works

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My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.she now works for my husband and I as a Hearing Instrument Practitior. She comes in late daily, does not complete tasks well. When making a mistake she always has an excuse or blames other staff . She is not dependable. Recently told a patient wrong information making my husband , her boss look bad in the eyes of a very special client my husband cherishes.we constantly have to pick up for her poor decisions. She raises two children age 9 and 5. They have to do things for themselves my daughter yells at them far too much.she is not yet divorced from husband or has custody arrangements settled in court yet but she is planning a wedding this summer. After leaving her husband 2 + yrs ago she got counciling her psychiatrist says she does not have ADHD any more nor is she on any medication now but was always being treated for anxiety. She is a train wreck has all the answers and cannot listen to reason . How can my husband and I continue to try and help her. She is going to end up with no job if she continues on this path of resisting making better decisions for herself. She has been put on desk work/ reception until she demonstrates being capable of maturity. We are paying for practitioner wages even though she is doing reception work. Staff are feeling it's unfair and we do not want to lose good people. We most definitely want a better life for our daughter. I feel she very much has ADHD as well as anxiety as she is always on the defensive. Can you help. Where does my husband and from here with trying to help our daughter? My younger daughter age 17 says "mom" you are trying to make this work and it's not working...
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It can be very frustrating getting someone to understand they need help, especially when dealing with an adult that you have no control over. You want them to see the importance of taking care of themselves but for some reason, they refuse. It can be upsetting when you care about the person and they will not listen. You can see what they are going through, but they are not willing to address any of their own issues so they can recover. And you can see them doing things that hurt them, but they keep doing them anyway in spite of your attempts to help.
If you can, try to see if your daughter is willing to see her own doctor. Sometimes a person will listen to their doctor before they will listen to family. If she is willing to see her doctor, call ahead before her appointment to let the doctor know what is going on. He or she may not be able to share anything with you, but you can certainly tell them what you are witnessing with your daughter and they can address it with her.
You can also enlist the help of friends or other family members. Sometimes a person will listen to someone from outside of their immediate family because they are not so easy to dismiss.
Here are some other resources to help you with ideas on how to help your daughter:
I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment-Xavier Amador.
Your other daughter is right, you are doing all you can to help but it is still not working. That is because your daughter is focused on what she feels works for her. She is not listening to anyone else. You may want to try to reduce her salary to see if that has an impact. You may also want to keep an eye on the children just to be sure they are ok. Beyond that, you can only offer support. Unless your daughter becomes a danger to herself or someone else, the law states she can do as she wants. Many families stuck in similar situations feel just as you do. Here is another resource that may help:
You can also consider getting support through on line groups through NAMI. They can help guide you and offer other ways to help.
I hope this has helped you,
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for he advice and links for support. I will look into the information contained therein . I did not know that I could contact her Dr. I understand for privacy reasons why but you are likely correct in that he can hear me out and try to help her from that angle.thank you.
You're welcome! Yes, the doctor can hear you out. He/she just can't say anything about your daughter's care unless she would sign a confidentiality form. But at least you can get your concerns across. The doctor may be able to convince your daughter to try medications or seek out other opinions.
I understand this is difficult. Many family members struggle with how to help their loved one. The best thing you can do is to be there for her and be sure to get some support and possibly therapy for yourselves. It can be very stressful to have a family member who struggles.
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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