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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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When you know something is right, like ending a relationship

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When you know something is right, like ending a relationship but you don't feel the same way, when you can't seem to bring your rational side and your emotions on the same page - what do you do?
Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

Yes..this is a baffling situation. And it is a very common issue.

Dr. L :

Another way to put this is getting your head and your heart on the same page.

Dr. L :

What we often find is that the head knows what is the right thing to do...but the heart lags behind and wants to hang on far longer.

Dr. L :

One way to approach this is to make a list of what the head sees as logical reasons for breaking up (in your case) and then making a list of what the heart sees as the emotional reasons for staying together.

Dr. L :

Then you can go through both lists in an honest and open way to see what the "real" issues are.

Dr. L :

For example...if the heart says I will be lonely if I break up. The head response is: it is reasonable that you will be lonely for a portion of time...but it is unreasonable that you will be lonely the rest of your life.

Dr. L :

Does this make sense to you?

Customer:

Thank you, ***** ***** does make sense, but what if the heart, so to speak, won't listen to reason? Does that mean the whole thing just needs more time or does it make more sense to just make a rational cut and wait for the heart to follow?

Dr. L :

Also...it is important to understand how the head and heart work. The head has the ability to make executive decisions....that's like being the president of a company. The heart is about wanting happiness and excitement. But sometimes excitement and happiness try to overtake the head...and then the head has to slow the heart down so that it makes good decisions.

Dr. L :

The heart sometimes does try to drive the head...and then the head has to put the brakes on. So...it depends on how much emotional pain you can handle. The heart will follow---but it might be rough until it catches up.

Dr. L :

The heart will need to grieve the end of the relationship...and that is about time and doing the work of grieving and letting go.

Customer:

Thank you that helped a lot!

Dr. L :

You are very welcome!

Dr. L :

Take care!

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