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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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If i'm horribly socially incompetent and having trouble

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If i'm horribly socially incompetent and having trouble getting along with people what can I do? Is therapy supposed to help with that? Because the therapy i am getting isn't dealing with this.
Thanks for your question. My name is ***** ***** I'd like to help you out.

Depending on the reason you are in therapy in the first place, your therapist may or may not feel like your social competency is the most important thing to focus on right now. However, if you feel like this is what you need to work on the most, I would encourage you to discuss this with your therapist, or even consider switching therapists if you don't feel like you are making progress. Therapy is there to help you with the goals that you want to work on, and your therapist should be receptive to your desire to take on this issue.

There are certainly things that you can do yourself. Developing social competency is a skill that will only improve with continued practice. So it is not going to be possible for you to develop social competency without continuing to put yourself into social situations where you are able to continue to try, make mistakes, learn from them, and try again. One thing you can do that will help is to pay attention to people who you feel are particularly socially competent. These can even be people on TV or movies if you don't have people like this in your life right now to observe. Ask yourself what they are doing differently than yourself. Consider how you can adapt some of these skills into your own personality, and then do your best to incorporate them. By learning from others who have achieved great success with this, and continued experimentation and practice, you should be able to start making progress even if it is not easy going at the beginning. The most important thing is that you don't give up and continue to expose yourself to situations where you are forced to interact and get along with people.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Ryan,

Thanks that was really helpful. I can see that I'll have to work for it, and I'm seeing that being socially incompetent doesn't have to be a big deal. I don't have to freak out about it and I can start learning.

So I do freak out a lot - i'm experiencing a lot of anxiety. I need to calm down somehow. I've been smoking weed to try and help with this. It helps me see more clearly and notice more about my experience. Which sometimes increases my shame about it - I guess i come out of the denial that I'm usually in. I think it's a good thing because if i'm not aware of what i'm doing I can't really change it.

Do you know of any findings or studies on the effects of weed on people with bipolar I? I wonder if it's a viable medicine for this. I have talked to my psychiatrist - he doesn't think it's a good idea. But I'm looking for other opinions because I have evidence that it has positive effects for me.