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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am going through differen problems which finally affect me

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I am going through differen problems which finally affect me mentally and affect my productivity I am afraid I will take wrong decion I need professional help.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
Are you unable to seek the help of a therapist? What is your main concern right now?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I am married for 25 years love marriage and have 3 children 2 grown up sones studying abraod and one teenage daugher. I have always had difficult relation in my marriage. my elder son and my daugher are demotivated and have problems in their studies for the last 4 years. My husband have financial dept for the last 8 years. I have been solving about 70% of our expenses.

Last year I thought many times about divorce but didn't because my daughter will be sitting for IGCSE this summer and I don't won't to change the country. The communication beween me and my husband is very poor especially if we have to solve serious problems I don't know

where his dept came from we had a big fight last months and he seems depreesed for long time chronic depression but I never thought about it til last year when our son faced some problems in his study.

Do you think taking a break from work will help ? I am thinking of moving from the house and leave him alone.

I feel now I don't won't to work I have great disappointment in my life. I alway been successful I always put efforts achieve my goals. But now I can't concentrate to do my work I am researcher with PhD. I feel my mind blocked when I start to work or read a publication. Sometimes I cry I have feeling of failure. I want to give up on everything work marriage being parent

I don' know what to do? I need the job as my children depend on me and they are all still studying. I feel the whole family needs help.

Thank you for the additional information.
It sounds like you feel unhappy in your marriage. If it is due to your husband being depressed, that is a common reaction. When your spouse has depression, it can be difficult to cope. Your spouse may not be willing to help himself and he may take his problems out on you, making it hard to make your marriage work.
If your husband is not motivated to get help, then that leaves you to decide how to react. Leaving the marriage is one option. It is understandable that you don't want to separate until your daughter is done with the IGCSE, but you still may want to start the process now.
One of the first steps in considering a divorce is to see a counselor. If your husband will go with you, then that is better. But if he will not, you need to go on your own. This gives you a chance to talk through what you feel and decide if divorce is your only option. Plus, seeing a therapist can provide you support which is very helpful when you are struggling to make the right choice.
If you do decide to divorce, depending on where you live, there is most likely a process to go through. Contact an attorney and see what steps you need to take to complete a divorce. Divorces may require several steps including a period of separation until you are allowed to permanently separate. So find out what you need to do before you take any actions.
Also, build up your supports so you are not alone through this process. If you have supportive friends and family, talk to them about your situation. See what options they offer and take them up on any help they can provide. They can be invaluable in helping you through this difficult time.
I hope this has helped you,
The remainder of your post just came through after I responded and I read the rest of your situation.
Leaving your home for a separation might be a good idea. That can provide some time for you to sort out what you want to do without the stress of living with your husband. You may also want to see a counselor just for yourself. The symptoms you describe sound like a stress reaction or possibly depression. So talking to someone can help you work this through and develop other ways to cope. You are in a tough situation and that can cause all kinds of symptoms.
You may also want to try reading this book:
Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel
It can help you decide what to do.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes, I have lots of problem. I feel my mind just want to stop. I am only
concerned that ats this point leaving the house might not be the solution as I have been in this job for 10 years well esablished and I am afraid that I don't have the energy to start all over again I need a job as my sons are studying abroad and my daughter also needs supports.

I am also going through menpause period with lots of problems and health issues like endometriosis and I have secured medical insurance here. I also live abroad and have been working hard all my life but now I feel life doesn't worth it.

why my brain stucked i used to be very clever? is it temporary or permenant I don;t accept failure easily therefore I have always don' gave up.

If I move I need to settle somewhere I might not succeed?

It sounds like the combination of the marriage problems as well as the physical issues you are having may be causing you to feel depressed and out of sorts. Feeling that life isn't worth it is a sign that you might need to talk to someone. It can be that you are feeling so overwhelmed that you have run out of the ability to cope. That is when it is important to bring in others into your situation that can support you until you feel better.
Try talking to a therapist and exploring the options for either leaving or staying in your home. Also, it helps to weigh both sides of the issue by writing down the good and the bad of each choice then deciding what to do from there.
You may also be struggling with your thought processes because of the menopause. It can cause difficulty thinking because of the change in hormone levels. Your doctor may be able to help you with that.
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I would like to ask that my questions and your answers should not be seen by others I will appreciate if this will be confidencials.

when you say therapist do you mean psychologist or psychiatrist.?

Do you think if I take 3 months off will it help me to take the decision?

After you rate my work, you can ask the moderator to make your question private. I don't have any control over that process. Please just be sure to provide a rating first as I will not get paid for my work if you close the question first before rating.
Yes, a therapist can be a Master's level, Ph.D or a psychiatrist. Most psychiatrists handle medication, but some do therapy too.
You may want to talk to someone first before deciding to take off work. Sometimes it can be helpful if you feel work is adding stress, but if you just end up sitting around feeling more depressed, then it may be worse.
TherapistMarryAnn and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Can I ask who is the moderator?

I will refer your question over. Thank you for the rating! Take care