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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I'm 38 year old female who is married with children. When I

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Hi. I'm 38 year old female who is married with children. When I was 16, I had a boyfriend and we got pregnant. My parents adopted and raised our child. He is now 21. My mother recently decided (on her own) to tell him right before he entered his senior year of college. He had a rough few months processing everything and is now ready to deal with any issues he has. We have always been very close and still remain that way. As with a lot of pregnancies at 16, abortion is often considered. His father and I considered it, went to a clinic, and did not go through with it. Last week, my sister took my brother/son to lunch and told him about the abortion. I'm struggling with why she or anyone would ever tell another human being that. There really can be no positive that I can think of come from that conversation. It can't help but hurt the person being told, and what does it matter at this point. Is it wrong that I would not want such a person in my life? My sister (she's 3 years younger) has always started fights with me and done things to hurt me and I think maybe she thought this would hurt me by hurting my relationtionship with him. It hasn't...he understands as he was a 16 year old boy once not so long ago. Is it ok to just eliminate her from my life?
Thanks for your question. My name is ***** ***** I'd like to help you out.

I can certainly understand your frustration with your sister, and I agree that there is not much positive that could come from her having this conversation with him. It sounds like despite her telling him about the consideration of abortion, he has handled everything pretty well. It is good that he is mature and understanding, and I agree that in a similar situation, many 16 year olds would have at least had a conversation about abortion. It doesn't sound like you have anything to be ashamed of in that regard.

Whether or not this is grounds to completely eliminate your sister from your life is hard for me as an outsider to say. In certain families that can cause a lot of complications, but at the same time if your sister goes out of her way to hurt you and cause pain in your life, then I don't think you are under any obligation to keep her involved in your life if she continues to be a toxic influence and tries to sabotage your relationships with people. It seems like you have every right to be angry with this most recent incident, and at this point you need to distance yourself from her in order to keep the negativity out of your life, that is understandable. This is expecially true if you've attempted to talk with her and communicate with her about these problems in the past. Perhaps eventually you will be able to reconcile or reevaluate your relationship together, but as of now it sounds like your feelings are justified.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


I appreciate your answer and understand that as an outsider and without hearing our complete history, you can only make very general suggestions/recommendations.

I am going to mark that I am satisfied with your service but I have on suggestion for you. Please don't use "expecially" in your answers or at all for that matter. It just makes you seem a little less professional than I'm sure you actually are.

Take care.

I'm not sure if you are referring to my typo, or the use of the word "Especially" in general? Otherwise, if there is anything else I can do to help please let me know. I'd like to make sure you are satisfied with the information that you came here to find. Thanks,