Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you may have an anxiety
disorder. You are on medications that indicate the doctor feels you have anxiety and depression. While medications are helpful to control your symptoms if you have trouble functioning for many people the side effects are difficult to deal with. And with most diagnoses, medications are good for a short time but therapy is more helpful in reducing or eliminating symptoms.
Anxiety is a common reaction to an abusive childhood. You may also have PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder- because of what you have been through. The persistent memories and triggers as well as the anxiety may indicate PTSD.
When you are anxious, your thoughts are causing your mind to think your in danger. Your body reacts by releasing adrenaline into your system. Adrenaline cause you to feel the body symptoms that are common with anxiety. It is much like after you have had a bad scare except with anxiety, there is no focus. The only thing you have to focus on is how you feel. And because your thoughts are probably always on alert, so is your body. This may be why you always feel anxious.
The good news is that anxiety is easy to treat with therapy. In therapy, you learn to pay attention to what you are thinking to make yourself anxious. The therapist then can help you change your thoughts and therefore how your body reacts to your thoughts. You also can learn about how to let yourself float through your anxiety thereby gaining more control over how you feel. When anxiety comes on, you allow it to flow over you without tensing in response. This makes the anxiety reduce or go away faster. To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
You can also help yourself at home. There are numerous resources to help you learn more about anxiety. Here are some to get you started:
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne is excellent for any fears. It is self help and contains everything from supplements to relaxation techniques.
The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety: A Step-by-Step Program by Bill Knaus Ed.D. and Jon Carlson Psy.D. Ed.D.
to Power: Proven Techniques to Calm Your Anxieties, Conquer Your Fears, and Put You in Control of Your Life by Lucinda Bassett
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this has helped you,