Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I'm just wondering if i have started dating someone with

Hello, i'm just wondering if...
Hello, i'm just wondering if i have started dating someone with narcissist personality disorder. I say started, but its been 4 months. Ok, so what he has done/does to make me question this. By the end of the first date he told me he wasnt looking anymore (online) and was coming off the site. I wondered 1 and half hours into our date when he was going to stop telling me all the incredible stories about himself and ask me a question. He did, finally. On the second date he told me he wanted to take me away to spain for the weekend. I told him he must be joking! Over the next few weeks i was bombarded with flowers and texts ( admittedly he was working in the flower industry) but it just felt too much and yet at the same time i was lapping up the romance of it all. And yet i felt "something" was wrong. By the 3rd month he asked me to marry him, probably enforced by the fact that as a christian he knows that i would have no sex before marriage. I told him it was too soon. He does things for me all the time to the degree that i had to tell him last week that i was very independent and feel that he is disempowering me and cutting me off when i speak leaving me feeling belittled. He took it very well and did back off and say that he was aware that he cut me off and wouldnt do it again. He hasnt cut me off again yet, exactly but all, and i mean all conversations revert back to him and him talking "at me". As if he monopolises conversations and holds court. He does it in public too. At the same time he seems to be the kindest, most generous person who will do anything for anyone. But the more time goes on the more, not only deflated do i feel, but resentful everytime he even opens his mouth as i think what information is he going to tell me as if he knows everything and his amazing stories about himself must be heard. It has become tedious, annoying, and deflating at the same time. And yet i sort of feel sorry for him. But i am not his therapist and i do not want to be co-dependent. So, i am at a crossroads. Should i say something and hope things change or say something and leave hoping that i am not cutting off my nose as he is so warm and loving and would do anything for me. Gosh, i sound like a confused fool. You are in the states i believe and therefore probably at least 5 hours behind. I will keep checking my computer nevertheless. thank you in advance.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 15 minutes by:
1/15/2013
Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Individual and Family Therapist
Verified
Thanks for your question. My name is ***** ***** I'd like to help you out.

The amount of people who truly have narcissistic personality disorder is relatively small, however, from what you've described, it is certainly safe to say that at the very least, this man has some very narcissistic traits that are affecting your relationship. It sounds lke he lacks some self awareness to this, and if that is the case you are probably not the only one to have been made to feel annoyed and deflated by his behavior.

This does not mean that he is not a good guy, or does not have some very positive personality traits. It does sound like his intentions are generally good even if they are somewhat self absorbed, so it does make it a difficult position for you to be in. I respect the fact that you are wary of becoming co-dependant, but at the same time if you are feeling like this now, it is almost certain that something will have to change in order for this to work in the long run.

If you are considering leaving anyway, it sounds like you have nothing to lose by confronting this behavior, unless you have just reached a point personally where it doesn't feel right and you are finished. Whether or not he is able to comprehend this or make the necessary changes is difficult to say, but you may be able to tell a lot by his reaction to what you've said to him. It sounds like he genuinely has tried to not cut you off after you confronted him about it, so it seems possible that if he knew exactly what needs to change in order to make this work, that he would put forth some effort.

I know you're in a tough spot and I definitely wish you the best with all of this. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Relist: Answer quality.
i wanted a female expert to answer and was under the impression through the system that i was going to be speaking to someone else.
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Hi Ryan,

to be honest, when it came to giving a deposit to paypall i had been given the impression it was another female expert i was going to be talking to. Can you please direct me to someone else?

thanks anyway.

TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,894
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It could be that the man you are dating is narcissistic. He certainly displays some of the traits of narcissism- focus on himself, ignoring your needs, etc. But it is just as likely that he is Bipolar. What you describe sounds like the manic phase of Bipolar disorder. That can explain the intensity of his actions as well as his inability to focus on your needs.
Whatever is going on with him, your feelings about this relationship are important. You certainly cannot stay with someone who runs the relationship based on what he wants and ignores what you want. The person you are is being edged out and his personality is taking over. You are right to be concerned.
Because he also has such good traits being kind, loving and generous, you may not want to leave just yet. If he is willing to listen to you and is willing to work on this issue, you may still be able to be together. And he can work on developing this side of himself.
One thing to find out is whether or not he has sought help to deal with his issues. Running over someone in a relationship and being intense enough to want to marry you before he gets to even know you well says there is more going on than he is in love with you. His personality is all encompassing, which is usually a sign that there is a problem. If he is willing to seek help, or already has, that means he recognizes he has a problem and is willing to work on it. That says a lot about his potential to overcome these issues and be a better partner.
You may also want to back off the relationship a little bit Let him know that while you like him, you need more time to get to know him. Limit his contact with you. Tell him you are only available certain days. If he calls and you talk, then end the call with "talk to you.." then tell him a certain day that it at least a few days away. If he calls before then with anything but an emergency, then cut him off gently and tell him you will talk with him on the day you named. By doing this, you gain some control in the relationship and you can also see how he reacts, which will tell you a lot about whether or not you should stay with him.
I hope this helps you,
Kate
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,894
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified
TherapistMarryAnn and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,894
5,894 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

TherapistMarryAnn is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

5,894 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I am off my meds for about 3 month now was diagnosed bipolar
I am off my meds for about 3 month now was diagnosed bipolar with mild sckitfrenia and don't want to have to go back to a hospital to get back on my meds they always want to try several different drug… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
A week ago Saturday I took 20mg's of Latuda for my Bipolar
A week ago Saturday I took 20mg's of Latuda for my Bipolar Disorder when I was upset I crushed it with my tooth not realizing that I was not supposed to do that. I had a sore throat after. I was afrai… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
I have bipolar disorder and take usual cocktail of meds. I
I have bipolar disorder and take usual cocktail of meds. I tend to depression … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
What can I do to help my son who is bipolar? He has been
What can I do to help my son who is bipolar? He has been fine for 3 years and now his daughter is blaming him for not having enough money to pay for another school because she dropped out of school wh… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have OCD, depression, and my mom was bipolar. Is it true
I have OCD, depression, and my mom was bipolar. Is it true when you move back to the state you had most problem after moving away you cam have ptsd and feel worse also have more problem?… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Ineed help, no not yet i take pain killers advil, im bipolar
hi ineed help JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking? Customer: no not yet i take pain killers advil JA: How long have you had the pain? What seems to make the pain… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
My son has a Bipolar Disorder and he undergoing relapsed
My son has a Bipolar Disorder and he undergoing relapsed while in China. My wife just went to him and she gave him 600 Lithium Carbonate and now thinking it was Ambien gave him 2 mg (4 hours later) of… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I am diagnosed with bipolar type 1,?been off my mess and am
I am diagnosed with bipolar type 1,?been off my mess and am having high anxiety … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
My brother is bipolar with paranoid tendencies and substance
My brother is bipolar with paranoid tendencies and substance abuse. He has had a particularly bad episode over the past 5 days. He is talking to himself, breaking things, telling everyone we are steal… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
My brother has suffered with bouts of severe bipolar mania
My brother has suffered with bouts of severe bipolar mania for 20 years. Over the past many years, living in IL., we have explored every avenue to get him help during these episodes (police, doctors, … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have bipolar Iv only been to bad manic episodes ,,, the dr
Hi I have bipolar Iv only been to bad manic episodes ,,, the dr decided I needed antidepressants as well I currently take lithium and Risperdal which is really effective against my manic mood ... I am… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
763 satisfied customers
Bipoar depression bipolar 1 disorder, ptsd, adhd, and axiety
Bipoar depression bipolar 1 disorder , ptsd, adhd, and axiety best treatments. I am on Wellbutrin adavan gabapentin and adderoll . These were working but I'm now so far back that I feel like I did whe… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I have had bipolar mania for years and have mostly manic for
I have had bipolar mania for years and have mostly manic for almost two years. Have recently severely manic with hallucinations and I had to be hospitalized recently. Have been taking 300mg of trazodo… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I am suffering greatly from bipolar depression, am taking my
I am suffering greatly from bipolar depression, am taking my lithium and Klonopin but cannot get in to see my M.D. until 6/26. In the meantime, I'm depressed, fatigued, hopeless, VERY irritable (ask m… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
OKMH524211 My father is diagnosed with Bipolar disease and
OKMH524211 Hello there. My father is diagnosed with Bipolar disease and have been suffering from the disease for over 20+ years. Im his eldest son, 24 years old, and have witnessed his first Manic epi… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
Don't understand what bipolar d/o with psychotic features
Don't understand what bipolar d/o with psychotic features means. … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
791 satisfied customers
I have bipolar disorder for 20 years,... I have bipolar
I have bipolar disorder for 20 years,... I have bipolar disorder for 20 years, I eat Zoloft 50mg,seroquel 200mg and Depakin 500mg(Compound Sodium Valproate and Valproic Acid Sustained Release Tablets)… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x