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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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I having trouble getting over n girl I have been with for 15

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I having trouble getting over n girl I have been with for 15 years,she left me for a black man and now I found out she have been sleeping around for years,when she first left we went to some one for help but she just lied and these head dokters believed her story's I walk away from this thinking I was not lekke and doubting in myself I she could. Fool people and me like this,wat is left to do? If the help just mes up more How can I just forget al tese bad things and move on,for my kids and myself

Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help you today. First of all, it's not so strange that you're having trouble getting over someone you were with for 15 years - after all, that's a long time to be in a relationship, and you both have obviously been through a lot of ups and downs together. What makes matters worse is that you found out she was cheating on you, which is never easy to hear, but even harder when you're with the person, who you thought you could trust, for so long. And unfortunately, it seems that she tried to manipulate not only you but the people you turned to for help. So you're really dealing with a huge betrayal on many levels here. The first step is to not blame yourself - you didn't do anything wrong, you were misled and maltreated by someone you thought you could trust. This sounds easier than it is, because your natural instinct is to doubt yourself and think that you did something wrong, when instead, you were taken advantage of. She - and not you - is wrong. So don't blame yourself, and avoid talking down to yourself. Try to catch yourself whenever this happens so you can actively, consciously stop the negative thought patterns. Secondly, even though you say you went to counselors and psychiatrists together, it might be worth it to think about seeing someone on your own - individual counseling can give you a place to discuss your feelings about the relationship and work through your feelings of hurt and betrayal. You don't need medication for this to take place - you just need to establish a relationship with a professional you can truly trust. Third - give yourself time. It's natural to feel the way you're feeling and anyone else in your shoes would be feeling the same way. It takes time to get over a betrayal, and your heart needs time to heal. You need to be patient and try not to rush things, because healing occurs at a different pace for everyone. Focus on yourself for the next few weeks/months - spend meaningful time with your kids, friends and other loved ones. Surround yourself with people who care about you and who make you feel safe - this can help you rebuild your self-confidence and trust in others. And when the time comes - and you'll know when it's right - you'll be ready to open your heart again to someone new - but don't push this part, it will happen when you're ready.
I wish you luck. Please let me know if you have any further questions. Best wishes.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Tank you die lewe verander in n oogwink dankie vir di woorde ek sal dit onthou
Good luck, let me know if you need any additional help, and please take a moment to rate my answer if it has been helpful to you!
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