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Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My husband says he is not ready for sex after a month

Customer Question

My husband says he is not ready for sex after a month without it. He recently admitted to an emotional affair and has been lying to me. What can I do to help him feel like having sex with me again?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 4 years ago.
Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

I am sorry to hear that your husband has been having an emotional affair.

Before answering the question it would help me to understand the following:

1)How long have you been married?
2) More details about this emotional affair and its current status?
3) Children?
4) Are each you open to working on the issue i.e. get counseling?

I look forward to hearing from you?

Kind regards, Bill
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
1) we have been together for 13 years. Married for 12 years.
2) he began talking to a co-worker who he supervises in September 2012. He told me October 13th. He kept telling me he was ending it and I would keep finding out that he hadn't. We started marriage counseling Mid Dec. 2012. I think he is still talking to her and both refer to each other as "my Love" the last I found texts.
3) we have a 3 1/2 year old daughter.
4) I don't think he wants to address the sexual issues at all. We continued having sex despite all these issues. Then suddenly it stopped.
Expert:  Bill replied 4 years ago.

I am sorry to hear about this. I know that is extremely painful to have this lingering issue in your life.

It does sound like your husband is maintaining an extra-marital affair.

In situations like this - if he is not committed to working on your marriage- I encourage you to get help in defining your path forward.

It is not unusual for you to feel stagnant in your life or to wait in hope for things to change- the reality is that spontaneous change is unlikely and if time continues to pass- you are likely to feel depressed and at a loss of how to proceed.

The following information will elaborate on my point:

If I can help you find a therapist to help YOU with this- simply respond with your Zip Code and I will be happy to help identify resources in your area.

Kindest regards, Bill