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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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I have a question regarding SAD. I told you earlier that my

Customer Question

Hello its me again, I have a question regarding SAD. I told you earlier that my girlfriend has SAD. I have researched this and I have found that people with SAD become grumpy, moody and don't want to partake in social activities as much as they usually do. What makes me upset is that every time that I try to hang out with her she tells me she can't because of a "silly" reason. I asked her to hang out with me back in November on a day when we were both off, she said she had to go see her sister in court that day. Another time I asked her if she could and she said that she couldn't because her dad asked her to help her mom move some things. (This was another day that we were both off on). I understand that she may not want to engage in social activities as much as she usually does, but I feel that both of these times even if she really did do these things, we still have plenty of time to hang out. What makes me even more frustrated is that every sunday her and her friend are off and they go to church and sometimes they will go shopping at where I work. she also invited her friend to her house for Christmas eve but not me. Finally this sunday, I asked her to hang out and we couldn't and she said she just went shopping by herself. I also understand that people with SAD become depressed, stressed, grumpy and don't want to partake in their normal social activities, but I get all of these things sometimes too but I still try to find time to hang out with her but she doesn't do the same for me. I feel that in this relationship I am putting in 80 % of the work and she is putting in 20% of the work. Given all of these events I think it could be more than SAD and like what I said earlier that she could have an avoidant-dismissive attitude or fearful-avoidant attitude towards me. Please help me because I am getting to the point where I am getting frustrated and it is hurting me in the process.I tried talking to her on Facebook in her inbox and it said that she saw it but she didn't respond to it. Normally I wouldn't think she was avoiding talking to me, but this wasn't the first time that she has avoided talking to me, she has also done this with text messages as well. Thank you for your help.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
I think the short of it is that she doesn't have the same feelings that you have towards her and she just doesn't want to tell you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I was trying to send this question to another psychologist that I am currently using, but somehow it became an open question. Your answer is probably true but we had no problem hanging out during August until mid October then we just stopped hanging out. We both work at the same place, but we haven't hung out outside of work in 2 months.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
I understand the situation. If she had feelings for you then she would attempt to be with you. This is not the case. I am not sure what happened or what information she has about you, but she clearly does not reciprocate your feelings. Maybe you want to address these concerns with her and see where she stands.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

What I don't understand though is that she said she likes me and wants to be in a relationship with me, maybe she just wants a casual relationship with me, but I have told her that if this relationship is somehow making her uncomfortable she just needs to let me know, but I know she is incredibly shy and quiet and is not very open so it is sometimes difficult to know what she is thinking even if I ask her. She does not have many friends and and she doesn't hang out with her other friends very often either so I don't know if this is just normal for her. Yes she has tried to ask me to do things with her, but even during the warmer periods of time I was the one who mostly was asking her to do things and hang out.

Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
All I can go by are actions. Her actions say she is not interested and does not make effort. I can't mind read as to why she does not make effort. I hope you will point this out to her that her actions are incongruent with what she says. That would be my next step. If you don't get to the bottom of this now then it is likely to continue and will make you continue to question the relationship.