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Olsen please. im trying a different way to start a new

hi steve  olsen please . im...

hi steve  olsen please

. im trying a different way to start a new question. i have tried to post and lost my question 3 times already. so frustrating. i also started a new browser and the account is still screwing up. i dont want to start a new account as id have to start anew email too.

and now im editing it worked. who said i suck at computers? ok i suck at computers.ok heres the 3rd time im writing. so annoying.

just answer is also like an abusive boyfriend. it keeps screwing you over but you keep trying to post a question.

rob i waiting for his bday for the workbench.

he did the shelf with the dremel but i def am glad a new one is coming. there s no finish on where he drilled and frankly im not looking at that for 30 yrs. 

the wedge they need a sample of the leather which we have to take from under the couch and have to get it ot them. i think i will mail it b/c we have too much to do. 

6ft 1 isnt that big, and i do hope for andrew to be 6ft or better.  he shud be since im 5 ft 9. robs not that big hes 6ft. its my bro and dad who are big plus my uncle - my b ro is the shortest at 6ft 3 and my uncle is 6 ft 4 and my dad the tallest a t 6ft 5.     

btw my bro and i are exactly the heights predicted from the calculation which is why i put stock in it...

manny came the other day and removed our tree. it took 60 + yrs to grow and manny took it down without a trace of its existence in less than 3 hrs. i didnt think ti would happen for xmas and i had requested it, and manny always makes me happy. he pulled all the roots out and put wood chips to cover the spot but the lawn looks otherwise untouched and he pulled all the huge roots out and tamped down the grass. he saw the baby and talked to him in spanish. i know he said little man and god bless you. the rest is  a mystery to me as i didnt get the verb he said...

rob was surprised and i said hey i still have a way with soem men. thank you very much.

the kids.

i sent them to my mother today and she told me to enjoy my day off. i didnt correct her that i have to stay home and wait for the boiler guy. i had to cancel my hair appt  so i could get this taken care of and figure dill get stuff doen without the kids. im sure it wont be enough and it doesnt help that im bs- ing around re writing the same thing again and again.  i feel bad that kate has just been grating on ym nerves, playing with andrews pacifiers and bottles and thrwing them and in her mouth. she doesnt do anything to him thank god, but i feel bad i yell at her so much. ive told her the rules of the furniture and the rules of the baby, but its constant stop yelling youll wake the baby to stop jumping ont eh couch. i am nice all day and then blow it in the evening night when its 11pm and shes woken andrew whos screaming again and shes over tired and i guess i am too.  

this am we woke andrew hwo protested to commuting - (see? now he knows what it slike to be woken up.. so there..)  and i told rob let me keep the baby. he said no. your parents want to see him and itll let you get stuff doen. which is true. i also dont like anyone to see i have a newborn esp like a boiler repair guy. i felt bad like id send kate and not andrew, esp since plenty of days i didnt want to send my baby girl.  why keep andrew if im sending kate. i love my 2 babies but i feel like im hurting her feelings so much anymore. and i feel like she seems alone. even rob has been yelling at her and actually im usually sifter with her than he is. she still favors him oddly. although shes been asking for me more now that andrew is here. i guess now that she sees shes not always going to have me at any minute. i held her for a few minutes and she fell back asleep this am. i asked if she wanted to go and she said shed see big pa pa and i said yes hell take you to play and she said ok.   i also feel bad with all this like she has to be my helper, like everyone asks do you help mommy with the baby? and she does to an extent but honestly shes 2. she shudnt have to help me.  

tmm. save the best topic for last. i guess his comment about christmas got to me. i feel the saem way. it turns out he thinks of xmas more recently.  i think of our 1st time. 15 yrs ago?  and not to be too detailed but it was very passionate.  he thinks of a recent one. like 3 yrs ago. maybe 4? he had texted me and i had just moved out here. (i bought my house only a  few miles away from him) and he said where r u? i sid at this store. and he came and met me.  we were talking casually (luckily) and we ran into soemone else whom he knew. im sure they thought me and him were tlaking casually, but  we ended up parting before we were seen by soemone else, and got out of there. he said he really wanted me. did i feel the same?  but heres what kind of got to me with that comment. he wanted me now. or a more recent me. not the 21 yr old girl with the great body. i was 30 or so and heavier. not postpartum of course but still not as great as i was. and he still wanted me. and thats what he remembered.  i didnt say that to him.  

i guess i dont blame you for not trusting m with him. i have screwed up. now and in the past.    

but dont worry i told him i had a major crush on my therapist.....
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My name is ***** ***** I am the Moderator for this topic. Steve

olsen is not available right now, but I have sent him a message to follow up with you here, when he comes back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience!


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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
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Satisfied Customers: 1,765
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Hi Liz...I have some family issues, mom with major health issues again...I will talk with you tomorrow. Steven
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hi steve, i actually was worried when i hadnt heard from you the other day that your mom was sick..

take care of mom and yourself. im ok.

if you dont have time, or are too tired it can all wait. i hope that your moms ok..

Yes, my mother is getting surgery at the end of Jan. She has some condition that has a name a mile long that basically means " full (and maybe radical) hysterectomy" at her age. She could also have cancer, but they cannot tell until they operate. It is stressful for all of us, but at least she is home and is able to manage her pain very well.

I am glad you were able to post. Sometimes I run into trouble with postings for a few days and then it clears up as if nothing happened. I still have trouble with weird spacings of paragraphs from time to time and I know how annoying it is to lose a post. Three times (Ahhggh) you must be really annoyed!

I didn't realize that you were getting a totally new replacement cabinet. So, the company though that a new one was the way to go? That is good. Or did you demand that outcome and they complied?, or both?

You have to cut a sample from the furniture and send it by mail? Remind me never to buy from that company! What lousy customer service. You would think that for what you spent they would be more accommodating. And, it is like they do not believe you or something. Real nice that.

You feel that 6'1" is not tall? Wow, do ever come from different genetic stock that my family or what. I am tall for my family, at 5' 9.5"; just a 1/2 inch more than you. I look taller due to having long legs, but 6' 1'' to me is pretty big. Of course you have a father who has to have a special truck made to accommodate him so what do I know! You must have used a different "what my kid will grow up to be" calculator than I have. My daughter was the tallest in her class for years and the calculator thought she was going to be as tall, or nearly as tall as me. As soon as she hit 12 years she stopped growing and 5' 3'' is it for her.

Manny sounds nice. And what service! But yes, seeing a legacy tree come down is sad and all that time of growth and history ends in just seconds. It is sobering how quickly a little time changes everything. And, Manny seems to like you. Rob was surprised? That is weird. What does he think men will see you as? Of course you will still be able to work your magic on them. It happens.

The saga with Kate is, well...I do say it a lot, so normal. This is what a normal little girl is like with her new sibling. She is in full blown emotional crisis mode and is trying to work this all out in her head. She regresses and then acts grown and then acts out and breaks rules; yup...normal. This will pass quickly but you will get sick of saying stop it so much, especially when you did not have to before as much.

You do need the time away from both children and I am glad that you got it. You are also totally normal, feeling that Kate is getting the bum rap on the deal with all the yelling and disciplinary correction and the chaos that has been brought into her life with Andrew. In an odd way, she has lost something. But she has gained so much more and this experience is very good for her. It will mature her more deeply and it will also raise her sense of responsibility and give her a sense of social understanding and protection of others that only comes to oldest kids with younger siblings. It may be hard to watch but it will not last long.

Isn't it an odd thing, the strange feelings you can have as a parent of a newborn? You know they don't mean it and cannot help it, but isn't it satisfying in some peculiar way when the baby's sleep gets disturbed. See...that is what I feel, kid!

Feelings of attraction and memory are powerful. They are designed to be. What is even more powerful is the reality that tmm wanted you as you, for yourself, not as the 21 year old. That is pretty enticing to most women and you would not be alone for feeling those feelings. As a matter of fact, to be desired for one's self is extremely addicting to most women. No wonder you have those feelings. The real bot***** *****ne here is to know that these feelings are real, but that they cannot define you. You are not just your feelings. And you may have not been trustworthy in the past at times even by your own admission. But now I have seen that you can and do make choices that are based on strength and character. And that is why these feelings that you have, although very strong, can be put into their place and you can avoid not making any mistakes of the past patterns that you fee badly about now. The past does not define the future for us as we have choices. And you, I am convinced, will make the right ones about tmm and limit his contact with you or eliminate it all together. As far as your therapist. Nice one Liz. You can't resist a good zinger. Steven

Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hi steve.

so essentially your moms having exploratory surgery with possible partial/ total hysterectomy. im going to stir some shit here, but i just want you to help your mom make the best possible decision.. is this ob/gyn a oncology ob gyn? and why do they suspect cancer?

im not getting a new cabinet. theyre sending a replacement shelf. the glass will fit into that piece. essentially the shelf was made with a flaw. rob drilled it to fit the glass for the meantime but of course the stain came off. i thought it was a tiny spot but he did both sides and well lets just say im glad a new shelf is coming b/c id throttle him.

as far as the couch i told them too just send a new wedge in the color we ordered. i said this is a totally diff color. i think they realized that the dipshit saleswoman ordered it in the wrong color.

so they said oh were sorry were playing phone tag mrs h... i know its been hectic with you just having the baby (ive never spoken to this woman before..) she said its already ordered and itll be here around new yrs well call and arrange the exchange. she said meanwehile, do all your diaper changes and burping on that spot!!!

so to me, there was a meeting about what happened.

the color we ordered is an in stock reg color.. they stain the leather, not a custom color. so to me theres no need for a swatch. which by the way are on the inside of each piece for you to cut. its a huge piece of leather to cut off. i was going to mail it since we totally forgot to go there and drop it off over last weekend. i dont know how. we went tpo 50 places and ran for 10 hrs seriously with the 2 kids...

as far as height. did you make youself 1/2 inch bigger for me? thats so sweet of you... (i have gotten guys shorter than me and if theyre jerks and deserve this - i tell them they have to be this tall to ride this ride.. and i put my hand all the way above my head to gesture the height.. mean of me? ok maybe..)

6ft 1 is tall. but its not humongous to me. would i like my son to be 6ft or better? yes. i say that honestly. kates to be about 5 ft 6. which is decent height for a girl. would i like her to be my height? yeah. or maybe 5 ft 7 or 8.. 5 ft 6 and up is ok for a girl. now that saying i wouldnt want my girl over 5 ft 10. actually 5 ft 9 is enough. and my son no i wouldnt want him over 6 ft 6. it gets weird for both after that. and my bro and i already have the weirdness of big feet. he wears a size 17. and hes only 6ft 3. my dads 6ft 6 and wears a 12. and my grandmother who was evil she was like 4 ft 11 and wore a size 9. so you know where that ended up with me? a stinking size 11 foot. yeah. and my bro has to go ot the circus to get his shoes.. they squeak as he walks...

robs nice enough to disable the squeak for him...

if you tell me how tall kate is ill do the calculation for you. see if mines right.

i do the american pediatrics calculation though..

as far as manny. i kinda had thought about the tree being done, but gave up on the hope b/c i have so much other stuff going on. i think manny likes me from when we bought the house he came and lobbied hard to be my gardener. we needed alot of landscaping, tree removal, posts removed, bushes removed, then i redid the garden b/c the huge old bushes died.. and manny lets me pay over time. i pay $100 on top of his reg price - and i pay all year round instead of just 9 months out of the year.. and he gave me a cheap price for a corner lot. i have property on the other side of my house and he didnt realize its mine.. til we walked and i showed him... and he kept the price the same. manny came several times to convince me. i finally agreed. he also says hes gotten several houses around her b/c of us - people come up to him or he brings people to see our houses work - and hes always said if you have to skip a month b/c of the new baby (kate..) he said dont worry.

manny is under the impression (and genetics are taking a holiday here..) that these darker - much darker than me - men think i can produce children like kate for them. hes completely enamored with her pale golden hair and huge blue eyes. he doesnt realize rob ensured that coloring. andrew already has the dark purply eyes kate did and i know they will lighten and become the same color as hers.

so do i think manny may have delusions yeah.

i better ask him about his brain tumor. i didnt the other day. i was going to when he finished looking at the baby, but he said ok elizabeth i go, i have another house.

tmm. he im'd yest, i missed it again.. he texted later and said did i say something wrong? i was in the kitchen cleaning / organizing. i said no why? he said ive imd 3 times and you didnt respond - at diff times - i said i leave the computer on. i dont sit there. i go check email, or whatever for a few minutes and get interrupted by the kids...

we did talk for a short while. i had to go b/c the boiler guy came. before i coul d tell him that he i left to ans the door, went back a few min later, and he said he had to go. baby was crying.

anyway of course he said something stupid already so i said ahhh here we are back to normal. he said his younger daughter was graduating from college and he said her gpa was 3.7 and shes too smart for her own good. i said theres no such thing my dear. (i didnt ask where she went to school but theres alot of places on long island where you can "buy" your degree.. essentially people have money here and their kids are stupid. so the parents pay more for them to go to these private colleges and they "get" good grades. catholic school here does that too..)

so he made a comment saying oh you dont know.. (about being too smart..) and i said excuse me? he said oh i know youre smart.

i said well im not trying to advocate that im smart. but i happen to be surrounded by smart people often. although not always (yeah i said that as a dig towards him.. he missed it) i meant rob and kate mainly plus i do work with drs...

so yes i was insulted.

he asked me later if i had facebook and i said no. he seemed surprised - and then i said since he had said oh have a merry christmas i said oh i thought you were done with me til after christmas. he said no.. i look forward to talking to you tomorrow. (so then why say merry christmas? cuz hes passive aggressive. he always did that his yeah see ya bullshit..) so i am hanging loose and not worrying about it. and if i dont talk to him again.. i dont.

it was nice to think he wanted me as i am though. you know for 10 minutes.

although i dd get my - "senior citizen" zinger in at him.. when he said you like older men and i said yeah, (like 40's.. which is what he was when we met..) not senior citizens...

so my saying i had a thing for you is a zinger...? who said?

You are not stirring anything up...I left out a lot of details. Mom has a baseball-softball size mass in her; they can't tell, even with MRI and CAT, if attached to the uterine wall or ovary, along with a secondary condition where the uterus gets a lot larger due to folding over itself and retaining fluid, they think, blood...perhaps many years this existed, and that condition in itself can cause cancer. And, a she tells no one anything about her health and avoids doctors unless there is no choice, this may have been going on for a while. Yes it is a Gyn/Oncologist. She will be 82 so this might be rough even if there is no cancer. It is a vertical incision, and she will be in rehab for a while. Yes, I know this can be very serious, but she is in the Lord's hands as I can do nothing more for her.

I get what you mean on the cabinet. Glad I am not Rob as I might have shaved both sides with the Dremel too. It also sounds like the "wedge" folks have finally admitted an order error and that they will fix that too, but what a total waste of time for you. And, how does this representative know you just had a baby? I know you told some people but why mention that? Is that relevant to fixing the issue, as if the couch would not be a priority if you did not recently give birth.

No I did not make myself taller. That is what I have been since I was 21 years old. 5 feet 9.5 inches; that is what it says on my driver's license too. Smarty. Anyway, we all have a certain psychological acceptance/standard of a min and max height for relationships. I am sure you cannot date a guy who is say 5'6" or so, right?

What is it with big feet in some families? We have not so tall people in our family, but with big feet. My daughter has big, narrow feet. We joke she wears clown shoes too. I really relate to that comment about your brother and had a good laugh when I read about your family and foot size. Really: On sidewalks you get used to the flop, flop, flop, flop sound. I do have to say that size 17 is a large foot. I think a few larger football types have 14-15's, not 17/ Hate to get kicked with those feet. Wow

Genetics is not that hard, at least the elemental stuff...and you have an educational degree. Maybe you can help Manny correct the fallacy of his thinking about having a blonde haired baby. True, even that recessive trait is not going to help him if he is as dark as you infer... You need those two recessive parents to make babies like you have. But then again, why ruin the experience for him...let him think what he wants. He really does seem like a good guy. Maybe he just likes the way you look.

What will it take for me to convince you that this contact with tmm is a bad idea? I mean I will not push the issue any more if you say you want the contact, but now that the stage has been set, he is actively talking with you.

True, he is insulting to women with his intelligence statement, but then again I am not expecting him to be all that insightful or progressive. He seems a traditionalist with women and roles, at least he does so to me. And you are not a woman who is a traditionalist type to me. You have brains and will and strength. Why waste it on him?

Overall though, I am not sure what you are doing with him with these text contacts...torturing him is a possibility of course, but that will just encourage him as he has this weird guilt thing about you. Let him go. But then again that is your choice. Steven (ZIngers? I like the chocolate covered donuts myself, never been into zingers.)

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hey steve. so is she in pain? mom wants to treat this aggressively? it may be very slow growing.. just as a devils advocate kind of thing.. not that i dont want the your mom to survive. my grandfather had a mass off his lung. he was 85. we didnt tell him. and he had bad copd - from working in the brooklyn navy yard. we couldve sued for the whole mesothelioma.. anyway he had no lung left. and i think the surgery wouldve killed him. he died a year later right before 9/11. he couldnt breathe go on a vent.. anyway he was one of the nicest people i knew. and in my family. rob reminds me of him although they never met. my grandfather was super handy..

anyway at their age group cell growth is so slow.. i took the chance and rolled the dice with him. and our family agreed...

can i just say to you personally and not philosophically? that sucks steve im sorry.

the saleswoman knew i just had a baby b/c i was 8 months preg.. when i called she asked i told her. but this other woman, im telling you, theres nothing going on at thomasville.. so i think it became a big to do.. once i called the manager.

listen steve, every half inch counts.. esp for a man....


anyway i didnt know pa lets you put bullshit on your license.. 1/2 inches really?

i think ive dated guys super close to my height like vinny was about my height we didnt get into 1/2 inches.. cuz well he had it going on.. maybe he wore boots all the time. im not a heels girl lucky for most men, so, im not clomping around.

im not correcting manny whos from el salvador about the fatc wed only have a 25% chance of a blue eyed baby. and forget blonde..

ive had black guys tell me they want a blonde blue eyed baby. i actually said to one who worked with me.. you know kidnapping is a felony...

tmm was talking about his daughter whos so super smart. i just think he thinks shes smarter than me. its easy to be smart in school. wait til she hits real life and it kicks her in the ass. i mean that kid seems better. his older daughter is a wreck. and manipulative. shes juts like the mother. so i keep quiet. she lives in his house with her husband who hasnt worked for 3 yrs and they go and have a baby. theyre young. dont have a baby if you cant feed yourself. morons. if she was pushing 40 and itd be her last chance i could see it more. but 25? no dont think so...

and you called my joke a zinger.. i like to call it puns.. like soemtimes i have overload if soemthings too good and too many puns come to mind.. then i grasp my head and go too many puns.. pun overload...

hey rob finds me funny.


i guess i could just torture him. it didnt really come to my mind actually. ive gotten soft i guess post partum. yeah ok its operation torture him... i mean i automatically torture men.. (have u noticed?) yes i think this is a good idea. i like it.

oh and ps the best part is my bro cant run despite those huge feet. hes all long na dlean and you think he can run. coaches think that too. and then u see him running as hard as he can.. and he looks like hes in slow mo..

i used to tell him he looks like hes running under water...

Mom has pain, but it is controlled and she is not being aggressive in treating it. All agree that surgery is the only real way to ensure that the pain can be stopped. No chemo, no anything else, just surgery. That is her decision and I respect it. Thanks for the support though. It is really hard to watch all of this and see her in this condition.

No I guess my license doesn't say 5'.9.5' now that I think about it. But that is the truth. As far as men and inches you sound like a bad commercial.

Vinny had it going on...uh huh...nice euphemism.

Your one liner about the only way to get a blue eyed baby for some men is kidnapping is really funny. And on an unrelated note I fail to see why Tmm would not see you as really smart. I can tell you have a few neurons connected...and I am miles away, contact only via typing. He can't tell that you are "with it" from an in-person, face to face relationship with detailed conversation? That is kind of sad really. It seems so obvious.

A punster eh? Like the duck who went into a restaurant, and when the check came said put it on my bill? That kind of punny? lol

I think torture is a risky option with tmm. I mean you could, but he seems to like it too much, like Bill Murray in little shop of horrors with ***** ***** as his dentist. I am not sure you would get the desired effect by torture. Ignoring him, now that hurts him.

Your poor brother. How did he survive you? Steven

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hi steve. yes its 3am and i just sat down from this am. im hurting pretty good and have to get up soon. the kids gave us a hard time today, kate was ok til later in the day but she wants to play with us, and she woke andrew up one too many times so he was cranky and screaming and possibly over fed since when he gets woken up then hes crying and takes bottle even though i try the pacifier to let him calm, he wont take it. anyway rob ditched me at 12mn and i was kinda pissed he left mee to finish wrapping put presents in the car for people tomorrow and hide all the rest of th gifts in the garage. i then went to the box o china and had to unwtap all of it and take all the stupid stickers off and put them thru the dishwasher and i had to unload the dishwasher of course and start setting up the china cabinet to fit what i have. i think i have more pieces but rob says no i dont. i know have the accent plates bu t theyre not there.. i bet you theyre in the garage somewhere.

so how are you steve? hows mom? i hope to hear from you before christmas but if youre too busy i understand. we can talk after.

so youll be surprised that i was out getting my hair done fri and the guy from the dining store calls after 3pm and says the shelf came we want to deliver today are you home/ so i said no im at an appt. he said what time will you be home? i said after 6 for sure.. thinking damm it. i cant believe theyre calling such short notice. although the guy said next week the deliveries are off til after christmas and he wants to get it to us. i said i know i appreciate it but im stuck where i am right now. so he says well deliver after 6 for you. ill call you at 530.. so andrew was good til the end of the appt and he needed to be fed and changed etc, well i couldnt stay where i was b/c i had to hurry home o meet this guy. so andrews crying and i had to hurry the hairdresserl n go.

i get home and the guy comes like 10 min later and rob gets home. im supposed to leave to go to a mommy n me cookie exchange. more on that later..

so im about to walk out the door and rob calls me and says liz. theres a problem. so im like whaaat? oh the new shelf steve has 2 flaws on it. right when you open the cabinet there two really big decent dings there on the wood of the shelf. i said well i cant f**king believe it. i mean i came racing home huried the girl up. andrew crying, me being late to the cookie rrob already sent an email with pics to the guy. and were both pretty much furious. i told the guy who delivered it this is complete bullshit.

as far as me. i feel like saying im not going to his uncles party today. like send rob and kate and andrew and stay home. im exhausted. or have us all stay home. that party always screws us up b/c its so close to xmas and it wastes the day we could have to get us cleaned up. caught up. we say it every yr - if we hadnt gone to that party wed have enough time.. and i dont want to see his stupid parents (who are complainign they havent seen the baby..- yeah no i shud got ot ueens. stples/ sutures, a 2 yr old and a 3 week old. i shud run there to visit them. sure. i was asleep this am when his mom calle dta 8am.. apparently rob took her keys and didnt give them back. i sid well see them tomorrow and rob said theyre on their way over. which is just liem u know its 8am. come on. and they were here by 820am my mil kept complaining that thi yr shes not into xmas and she doesnt care etc, i was going to say you know what? lets just skip the whole thing then,,,,

vinny had it going on for alot of reasons and it wasnt aeuphemism. i cant believe you thought i was referring to being well endowed. he was alot like my personality. he was witty and sarcastic (but moody.. and he was born just a few days before me but earlier year.. so he was a moody male scorpio.. weird..) i never saw him pick a fight but never saw him back down. and ok he was good in bed.

i cannot tell alie...

i dont know why or if tmm thinks im smart. i def coem 2nd to his daughter. i had suggested yrs ago the girl go to my college which was for my bachelors in sociology and education. its been called the poor mans harvard. its a city school with those cheap prices and you do get an education for a cheap price. and it makes it competeitive to get in for people who dont have rich mommies and daddies/ and i paid for it myself. well its in queens and he said shes not a city girl. i said its not like bad around there or anything and the school is good and i dont see what the prob is. he basically said well it may have been good enuff for me but its not good enuff for her. of course i was heated ta that point. my dad a union guy who works nights and her dad the same thing. and why is she so much better than me? i basically avoided the topic again after he apologized but you know didnt grovel enough and it was a sore subject. he said he wasnt saying what i said above, but well he was.

and tmm has said im smart or very smart but when he talk about his daughter, i always feel like soemhow im being put down compared to her. like when he just said oh i couldnt know what its like to be too smart. i was going to say uh i married one.. and my daughter prob is one, so i know smart.

tmm has been gettub ub touch wuth me everyday now. i dont answer it all, but i still want him to be tortured

I do not envy you and the period of life you are in. It is so hectic and crazy. It always seems like when you need a break, so desperately too, that you cannot get one no matter how hard you try. One of my kids was like Andrew and ate and ate to the point we were worried because she would not take a pacifier, only formula. It was a real adventure and we could not tell what the issue was, hunger, stubbornness or what. The stage passed but it was not an easy time. I am also concerned that you are still in pain over your surgery. Is it muscular pain?

At least when you are done with the china cabinet it should look great! And why did you get stuck with all the wrapping? That was my job this year but I traded for it. At least I had a choice.

Oh wow, the furniture situation wit the shelf...that is terrible. You have been through so much with this already and now you have even more aggravation. I mean it was nice they wanted to deliver the shelf to you before Christmas but no one checked to see if the item was made correctly and undamaged. But do they owe you.

I am all for you staying home. I sometimes feel crazy myself reading all the stuff you have to do. Why not stay home. It really is not that bad. I mean you did just have major surgery and you are exhausted. What would the long term harm be? Really? Your in laws seem so selfish and self absorbed about their own issues...keys? Seriously? They could not wait a day? Wow...and to tell you that they are not into it (Christmas) this year. If anyone could say that it should be you. (Maybe they could see Andrew when he goes off to college if they are that busy)..And did I read this right> They have not seen Andrew because they will not come over your home, but they will for, keys? Did I get that correctly? If that is so; what a level of self absorption that is!

Vinny had it going on. he had some personality too. But "he had it going on" is not the typical way that people usually refer to personality traits. At least most of the people I know. lol

tmm is in my thoughts a man who is locked into certain views. He sees you a certain way and that is how it is to him. If his daughter is viewed as#1 she will always be#1 to him no matter what he says. Again, if he thinks those things that may be not just what he thinks of you but of all women in general, those aside from his daughter. He seems so "fixed" in his thoughts to me. Torture? You've done it. You ignored him for a long time, talked to him, and now are ignoring him...keep that up and he will go nuts.

Mom is least for now. I am not looking forward to all the stress of this and have a job interview in another state as well at the beginning of the year. You know how it is. It never stops!

In case I cannot connect, Merry Christmas, Liz. I probably will talk with you the day after Christmas as relatives are coming in today and I will not have a second of peace until then. Steven

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hey steve.

how was your day? we went to the party. yep. i said to rob i dont want to go. he got up late - or later than he was supposed to. after i wrote you id fall asleep for 30 min or so and then andrew would be up. id feed him get him settled then id be falling asleep and hed wake again. it was like every hr. well its 8am, kates down here (in the living room, i sleep on the couch. andrew does too. hes on the boppy pillow.) shes acting sweet but im like i need to sleep. i had the list as promised ready for rob, but he has questions and keeps trying to talk to me. i told him look go i need to get my hair done. we ran around all am and i did get my hair done and we made it to the party early even. its a good thing we went as kate and andrew cleaned up. and i wouldve felt bad if people brought gifts and we backed out. ill never get the whole bringing an item for a child thats not age apprpriate (like a charlie brown doll.) whats andrew going to do with that? and kids dont even know who he is.

the hi lights of the day.

ok, well my fil kept calling andrew the name jordan. jordan this jordan that. 2nd we went to sit my in laws got there 1st... they picked where were sitting.. (i hate always being stuck with them at these things. i feel like theyre so depressing.) so i have the baby in the super nice pram and kate was in that same pram but it was fuss today over it.. its so nice blah blah.. well the waitress says despite the restaurant being empty - its 2pm on a sun.. that we cant sit there b/c of the carriage. so i think oh shit this is my out, we dont have to sit with them. so she suggests a place where other people had set up camp. so i said just move down a few and well sit together - kates godmother and her family. well my mil makes whole fuss were not sitting together and can they move? so they do and im stuck with them again.

meanwhile as soon as we walked in the place with the stroller people came over and were standing and theyre looking in the stroller and talking.. well ym fil who can walk btw just so you know says (and he has never seen this child. ever. he didnt come to the hosp b/c he was in the hosp and got d/cd the day that they took my husband away from me..) well can u bring my grandson over to see me? so rob says yeah dad ill wheel him right over. so he did for a few minutes, but i mean honestly steve he walked into the place he couldve gotten up and walked over. this i swhy i hate them.

kate was well behaved and andrew slept the whole time. so kates godmother came and sat and so did some other older cousin whos daughter is 15.. she said she needed advice. i looked at kates godmother and i said well go ahead.. she told me that her daughter is a cheerleader, and she likes to go and see the wrestling team. she asked her why does she like the wrestling team? and she said (wait for it) that the boys wear super tight uniforms and she likes it. she then said haplessly - whats next birth control? kates godmother is laughing at thi and i say yeah.. i mean i know a good abortion doc. the 2 of them are like oh my god.. i said look, you need to talk to her. i said this is all hormones. and i think its better for her to go to you than to listen to rumor an d inneundo.

why do people tell me this shit?

my pain is like a deep pain - it s hard to describe, its surgical, its like im ok if i rest and im doing normal lighter stuff. its when im doing doing doing and after so many hrs the pain just worsens and worsens. the motrin lessens it, but really, itll get so painful its like yeha whatever motrin. and it stops me from finishing what im doing. im so tired right now honestly. i barely slept last night and i actually caght 2 breaks one the cleaning girls are here. i cleaned up more and just gave up with stuff that has no home - its in a box. kates toys are overflowing of course. and my mil took kate today b/c she has kids since people have to work since its mon. rob went to work, so i was going to have to take both the kids to the store with me for the last minute to pick up the meat and last minute stuff, bakery, flowers.. and now i just have to take andrew. since theyre here im stuck upstairs where i dont have them clean and i have to wait til theyre done.

i wish i could take anap.

as far as wrapping. i usually do all the shopping/ wrapping. rob will run to the store although i usually try to do all the bulk shopping- hes helped me all these times sinc ei had the baby as im not supposed to be there forget about lift.. and he helps wth food prep. he helps clean up..

vinny did have it going on. what cna i say? if he wasnt so moody (or i fi was able to break him of it...) id might be married to him. he was def a softer nicer version to me.. (he let me drive his car which no one did..) and people would say wow vinny youre ina good mood, or whats with him.. and then theyd say.. ohhh. b/c vinny was a pretty scary guy at times. my mom really liked him. apparently she likes the angry italian guys. he was nice to her too though.

and tmm people would sya the same things. b/c hes a pretty angry guy too. or not smiling grumpy guy? and passengers on the bus once in a while soemone would get daring and say soemthing to me about it. like wow hes really nice to you.... and id play dumb and be like oh really? but actually honestly i didnt realize soem passengers were intimidated by him - i mean who cares how the bus driver is? i mean i say hi, pay my fare and walk on. soem chat u up.. and other dont look at you. either way its all ok with me. but ive made soem angry guys less angry..

vinny used to say he wasnt good looking so he had to be good in bed. there was no reason for a girl to keep coming back...

tmm has not texted - not yest and not today. not yet. i will not text him 1st (hey is all f**king chivalry dead?) and ill see if i want to answer. he better.. otherwise punishment will be in store for him. thats alli can say

so how does tmm see me? a dumb piece of ass?

i wish i was. that would be perfect. actually my dream come true.

and to be a piece of ass again. well. thats priceless. i mean men dont need to know im smart. they just need to know im hot. i used to be comncerned if men thought i was smart. not anymore. just hot thank you.

another job in another state? youre going to move? what state? what if ii dont make any friends? or i dont like it there...?

oh sorry.. got carried away.

will we be still able to talk?

i thought you liked your sanity.. and thats why you didnt have relatives over for christmas. or went away. or folded your house up so when they came there was only a screen door ( i have visions of that. its weird. like the family pulls up and only the frame and a screen door is there. and the house isnt. i dont know- o rhavent decided if the house has actually dissapeared - or if its just "invisible" ) of course theyll be like what? now who am i going to torture for christmas? and theyre angry and cant even find a mc donalds to go to... and then theyre like where were you and your house? and im like i was there. you never came... and then they tell me the screen door thing and im like. geez your crazy, you know i have this therapist you can talk to...

and then b/c i like you. i give them soemone elses name.

see steve? christmas miracles can happen for all of us..

and spekaing of that youll never believe rob just texted me and said hes getting half a day. wow. im really happy. i shud go to the store so i can start cooking and maybe we can all hang as a family and enjoy christmas. christmas is my favorite holiday and i feel like its always spent freaked out to the run up due to all the work we need to do and were always trying to do some sort of home improvement so its like look the house is nicer!!!!

and then someone in the family shits on me. oh thats not so nice...

my personal improvement this yr was that i did all the moulding in the kitchen - i have the crown with the under cabinet moulding.. and it gets all greasy and stuff. its white - and i cleaned it all and did touch up paint and it just looks awesome. i mean i dont let it get too bad, but i did the fil stick wiht the crayon for the stupid nail holes and i really did a good cover up. kate said mommy putting makeup on the cabinet? and i said no, but it is kind of like that. i realized hey maybe thats why im good at it, im good at putting on makeup. (dont ask em about hair. i cant do hair. heres a brush. thats my hair experience..)

im here by myself with andrew. my mil made a fuss to send kate for xmas eve, oh itll help you get ready. yes it would.. but i also felt it was passive aggressive that she wud get kate and rob as he brings her on the way to work and th way back for xmas eve that i basically said we dont have time for. i mean it helps me too so i can stuff done here.. but.. well i hate feeling like theres all these motives as undercurrents and then they get away with it b/c im like well im kinda behind the 8 ball... so ill let her take kate so i can cook/ clean etc... n i feel bad for sending kate as she shud be playing and we shud be making cookies and just having fun and rob shudnt be at work...

merry christmas steve to your family too. i hope it s agreat one.

(with alcohol if necessary..)

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas liz!

I just wrote a post and lost it...I hate that. Although I feel you should run away to some Pacific island for a couple of months to recoup, I am glad to see that you at least were able to tolerate the party, and restaurant. Which, the restaurant scene, seemed like a page from my own past, trying to get away from relatives and them following you. (Doesn't that make you want to gnash your teeth together?) You just want a moment of peace!

Yes, I really do get what you feel about fil. Most grandparents would be fighting over who gets to see Andrew and not having demands about wheeling the child over to them like some roast on a tray. And the name thing! What the heck is that about? Was that a simple error or obliviousness?

So you get to hear the situation with the 15 year old and tight wrestling uniforms. Okay...well, I am not sure how you got elected to that conversation except that you may come across as young and fun and would be able to talk about such things. Either that or the fact you are a nurse, which many people feel nurses can tell them anything, about any topic. I'll bet with what you told them they might hesitate to ask in the future. lol

You sound like you are still far from full functional. That deep pain my wife said is all the muscular damage showing took her longer to get over that as I swear muscles are the most stubborn things to heal. Lots of body builders and so forth swear that eating lamb helps speed this process. Like lamb? Some people find eating it disturbing...but if it helps.

Angry Italian guys are attracted to you? Hmmm, not sure what to make of all that. Are you the kind of person that they feel they need to protect? That is sometimes the attraction for men who act like this. Vinny sounds well, just like he was made to me. I know lots of guys like him. But tmm, that is anger and pathology. Vinny might be scary on a personal level but tmm is scary on an emotional one.

I am going to ignore the piece of ass comment. I sort of get what you mean by it but I am so into making you see yourself as worthwhile apart from that being able to attract someone thing. Smart is hot.

Don't worry if I end up moving. I have talked to you in airports, in cars, in many states in the US and you never knew. It is central VA where my wife is from. If you do not make friends there. Well, I can always change my IP address to make it look like I am in PA.

I will say thank you for holding off on the extended family referrals! lol I think I have a plate that is full enough without adding all of them. Now my wife might want them. She likes variety of personalities. Yeah, that is it. I am too busy and she needs the business. Sounds like a plan to me. Everyone is happy that way.

Wow, you really do it molding and finish work. I may call you over here to see if you can do some painting in the upstairs bathroom. I hate that job.

I love Christmas too. We had some cousins and others in, and even my mother came and seemed pretty good. It was a nice time, but like you, you start to feel it after a while. The holidays are tiring. Speaking of tired, when do you go back to work? Is it soon?

I do hope you are all doing well and having Kate away from you for just a bit...that is okay. You need some time to care for you and your needs. Steven

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hey steve. just sitting here today and im so tired im falling asleep sitting up. andrew wont sleep this am. kates been happily (and more behaved i noticed.. ) with her new toy. i told rob if she has new things to explore with, shes well behaved. i bought her the disney pirate ship and its a playset and shes been so busy with it.. if she s bored its like oh crap, stop messing wiht my makeup bag etc..

i have a ton of dishes to wash but the dishwasher i think has something stuck in it. so everythings at a halt til rob can take it apart. oh well.

christmas was.. ok?

my cousin who no one thought would come, came. she pulled aseinfeld episode and brought in candy and wine. of course rob gave it to me and said its from lorraine. ok.. well turns out that my parents brought it and she carrie dit in from the car (my parents gave her a ride..)

i only found out b/c my dad said why dont you give the wine to robs father? (he always makes us open a bottle for him to drink half a glass and no one else drinks the wine.) so i said oh lorraine brought it an di dont want it to seem like were giving it away. so he said i brought the wine. i said you did? lorraine gave us the candy and wine. and he said no she carried it in from the car. can u imagine steve? geez.

my mother said several times the house looks really good. the china cabinet looks really good. everything in it etc.. and she seemed surprised. i said why you didnt think it would/ and she said well with christmas and kids with toys it can get crazy. (she doesnt need to know my laundry room is unwalkable from the amt of stuff thrown into it. )

my sil was raving about the living room/ dining room, saying its like a new house!! im like ok, all the work i did on the house was leading up to the furniture..

so my in laws came and 1st they brought all these presents.. ok.. my mil had asked what does kate need?ill get it for christmas.. (didnt ask about andrew) so i had said 2 more toddler chairs for her play table so if she has friends etc, itll be a set of 4 chairs. not just the 2 she has. she said ok. so the set was bought last christmas and is on clearance and discontinued. so kate got our gifts and we got her a few from santa - one from andrew and the leappad toy from us. with 2 games. so i felt kind of guilty and rob said shes going to get a ton which was true...

so my in laws bring all this crap in and there were no gifts for rob and i b/c they got me my silverware that matches my china.. and i bought it and got it directly to my house.. and rob got a giftcard to amazon to get books and stuff. so its not like its big and bulky right? so its like packages and all these gifts...

so im like.. ok.. well they bought kate a ton of things and andrew a few things...

they bought her several different doc mc stuffins toys, along with a princess blocks set, a tea set with the rolling cart, and a doll. its stupid baby alive that walks...

and my mom got the same blocks set. they got andrew a baby gym - i got him a baby gym. and a disney train. i got him the train. so shes like i can give u the receipts. yeah great. now i can go all over returning stuff? really great. i deserve this.

and kate doesnt have the freaking chairs. she said oh i didnt order in time but ill get it for her for her bday. her bday is 4 months away. n its been on clearance for 2 months. its goingto sell out any day. so i looked at rob and he said order her her chairs. i told rob like i dont need all these toys its such a waste really.

on top of that, my bil and fil got into a screaming argument. screaming. i was in the kitchen cooking (as usual, by myself...- that part isnt so bad..) and i hear my bil tell my fil to shut the f**k up. i dont know what or why it started. my fil told him loudly its enough now. i had enough of you (ive had enough of both of them really) so im staying in the kitchen thinking robs going to deal with this. well it keeps going, my bil says yeah id like to see you get home by yourself. my mil is telling them to stop and it keeps going. well my family is sittingin the dining room section at the table and little do i know my bil has my son. my fam seemed to pretend to not notice but i cant imagine they didnt see/ hear it. my husband was where all men are when you need them. the bathroom. he says he heard them - the bathrooms down the hall so my fam mustve heard my inlaws. nothing else was said but it kind of dampened my whole thing. til 10 min later when his aunt fell in my bathroom and cut herself under her chin. she says she tripped on my bathmat. of course she bled all over it to get back at it and there was less blood at the oj crime scene. of course rob is the one standing her up and my father is telling me to check her out etc. his aunt is 85 or s and doesnt really give a straight ans to your questions so its like u might as well take her to the er. of course my mil doesnt want to do that. so we get her on the toilet and i have to lift her off and get her dressed. i clean her small cut and put the bandaid on. i tell rob to run to check the food as i was actively cooking and ran and left it. luckily it didnt burn but my tomato sauce was boiling ;/ not good for tomato sauce. it separates.

my cousin said that andrew indeed looks like a ... insert my maiden names family. my father held the baby and so did my brother - he never held kate.. so maybe thats good......

i got my family out at 8pm. his family left at 10. i cleaned up til 12 and i felt like i was crippled from all of it. at 5 min afteri sat down for the big dinner andrew started to cry after sleeping for hrs. so i sat on the couch while everyone ate. feeding / changing the baby.

oh and hes still calling andrew jordan.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

my response got cut off.

i thought you said about men in general not just vinny and tmm that women can soften them and their responses, persuade them. and yes i know i had that power over them. and that power over rob which has lessened over time. (that sucks..)

if you move.. well will it take you away from your mom? steve shes going to need you now.

as far as me going back to work its like the last week in january. itll be here soon. i am starting to feel like ive been off awhile, but well i dont feel ready to go back for sure. the weeks are flying by though.

i plan on doing more organizing and clean up.

tmm didnt text christmas and i was surprised. i figured for sure he would. he did im today but suddenly logged off after just a few plesantries were exchanged. he didnt come back on, so whatever. i didnt try to re contact him cuz the whole point of this is to torture him so. im not worried about it. im sure he will again.

Falling asleep sitting up is a steady state for about 2-3
months after having a baby arrive. My kids never slept well, and I was always
jealous of people who had their babies sleep through the night on the first
night. (I have heard that higher IQ kids do not sleep as well...that comforted me
a bit.) Kate sounds like she has matured a bit but needs a lot of stimulus to
keep her focused. Sometimes buying a toy to keep those types of child personalities busy is worth every penny.

Christmas was "ok". I can't say I was in love with it this
year as the constant flow of relatives, running around driving people to and
fro, and cooking and cleaning and all, it just just wears thin. Plus my SIL was
being difficult as she is OCDish and will not use anything but paper and Styrofoam plates and cups. And, you have to do things exactly as she says or your "bad". Literally the food line at her home on Christmas Eve was like how they serve prisoners. Here is your fruit cup, in Styrofoam, eat it. Then you can get your Salisbury steak (really, for Christmas... Salisbury steak, sigh)
She doesn't have children but might be pregnant. I fear this, for the kid's
sake. But I digress.

Lorrain carried in the wine and candy. Hey, at least she did
something for Christmas, right? Lol You have to love relatives like this. How do they function on other days I wonder?

And, hey; you got a complement from your mother. That you
should have taped and made into one of those cards that plays when you open it. It is a little insulting that she seemed surprised the house looked good. And
your sil seemed genuinely happy about how things looked. Good for you.

We are in the same boat as you with toys and gifts. You feel
guilty not getting your kids a pile of stuff but then relatives add to it and
it seems shameful how much they actually get in the end. And, what a memory you made for me. I remember Leappads. My girls loved those! And relatives seem to stop buying for you after you have two plus kids...just expect it. And if they do buy, the gifts get skinny, real skinny.

Oh joy! You get to return things. How lucky you are. And I too would get Kate's chairs while you can. The heck with waiting for anyone else to buy them; By then they will be gone.

Nice argument you experienced. That sucks. And Andrew was exposed to all this. That is awful. I am surprised that your bil would talk that way to his father. No tact, doing this at someone's home on a holiday. And your aunt: That is awful too. I know with older folks that a small cut can really bleed. Is she on a blood thinner or something? And you, still recovering from surgery get to life her off the commode? Wow, not good. She isn't a big woman I hope? And your poor tomato sauce! In know; slow heat only for tomatoes...nasty stuff if it boils.

(I am sorry to laugh at all at this situation, but if my wife would have read what you said about men always being in the bathroom when you need them she would have had a stroke laughing.)

And I love those who say that a new baby looks like this side or
that side of the family. At Andrew's age...can they really tell at all?

Yes, women can soften men. But some men, even softened up
are still pretty hard core to others and Vinny sound like that type. There is nothing wrong with that, but your powers over men. They become more specific over time...not to all men, but mostly to your husband. It is the way of life and not just you.

Yes, my mother is a huge concern with moving. I will have to
see how everything is before I make any choices. She would go with me, but for
a time she would be in a nursing home for recovery. All will take time and
there are some hard choices to make.

End of January will come fast. It always does when you are
at home. But at least by then you should feel a lot better and be healed much
more than now.

You can bet your life tmm will continue to contact you. Steven

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

hi steve. i started a new question..

I will look...Thanks
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Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

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