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I am writing on behalf of my mother who is having a terrible

time with my older sister...
I am writing on behalf of my mother who is having a terrible time with my older sister who is recently lost her job and for some reason my sister s behaviour towards my mother and another family members to blame them for her situation and she seems happy to upset people because its not her fault it is everybodys fault.
We ask her to go to a Therapist to sort out her life but unfortunately she is not doing it.So my mum is very upset and my question do you is how can my mum deal with this situation that she is not getting upset or one of our family members???
What advice can you give in this situation .....how can my mum deal with it that she does not get upset.
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Answered in 30 minutes by:
12/10/2012
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
Verified
Hello,
Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help you today.
I can understand how difficult this situation is for you all. It's hard for your sister because she's dealing with issues related to her job loss, and she's unfairly taking it out on everyone else. It's hard for you and your mum because you both have to deal with her behavior. It's a lot easier for your sister to blame everyone else, because, as you pointed out, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions and she can, as twisted as it might seem, make it seem like it's somehow the fault of other people. Suggesting therapy is a great idea, but of course, it only works if the person is willing to make the effort to get help for themselves. If she's not ready now, it doesn't mean she never will be, but it's a good idea to leave that idea alone for the time being and come back to it at a later date.
You can't change your sister's behavior without her participation, of course, but what you might do is sit down with your sister during a moment when she's feeling calm and explain to her how her behavior is affecting the rest of the family - in a calm, sympathetic manner. Let her know that you understand how hard it's been for her, but that this doesn't justify her upsetting the whole family. She truly might not be aware of the impact she's having because she's so wrapped up in her problems -- even though it seems obvious to everyone else. I can't imagine that her intention is to upset everyone on purpose just for the sake of making waves, instead, it just seems as though she doesn't have an outlet to release her feelings of frustration and negativity.
What you also might do is suggest to your mum, as hard as this might be for her, to avoid discussing work-related topics with your sister for the time being. Or if there are certain topics that trigger her aggressiveness, then it's best to leave those alone. And if your sister still persists in behaving this way despite your attempts to improve things, then walking away from her when she acts this way, literally giving yourself space from her, is one way to send your message. If that means everyone in your family leaves the room when she starts acting out, then that's what needs to be done to get your sister to see the effect of her actions.
I hope this helps. It's not an easy situation to deal with, but being as direct, yet non-confrontational, as possible is the best way to nip this in the bud. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
Verified
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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
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