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It is totally and expectedly normal to have Kate bond with Rob even more so, for a little bit, after Andrew arrives. There is nothing wrong with that and as long as you are balanced in how you talk with her, giving her (not now but when you can) some special time with you and her...she will be fine. She will be going through what some in the field of psychology call being, dethroned. It is painful and she will not like it and tantrums and the like are common. She will also temporarily regress. Normal too. Just ignore it. Do not be discouraged as this passes and she will be bonded with both. It is natural for all of us to bond a bit more with one parent, but as long as there is not a rejection of Kate...and there will not be, she will be fine.
Your sectional. That would make me angry too. You paid a lot for that and it is there fault and they want to give you a hard time. You are on target with the threat that they can take the whole thing back. Why not say that? This is absurd, sending the wrong color on a piece. That is just plain negligent and giving you a difficult time about it, even worse. What happened to customer service?
When a new baby comes there is plenty of adjustment, from physical to emotional. I may say it a lot, but your feelings, guilt and worry and so on about Kate and Rob and even the baby are very typical and are to be expected. In about four to six weeks this will all adjust out and people will settle. With a routine established you will do well and will not feel as oddly as you do now. And of course you love both Kate and Andrew. It is just a different feel when the baby is so young and needy. Hey, at least you seem to have a sleeper on your hands. I would have killed for that.
A boy baby is, unfair or not, sometimes treated by family as though royalty arrived. It is weird I always thought as I love my girls the same but some family just seem to love to compare the two. Oh look he can hold his head up and my he is strong and good tempered etc. As long as you encourage Kate to be herself and that she is loved and needed in her new role. (and important as a big sister) she too will do well.
A c section, in my experience with three of them with my wife, is that the hormones hit harder and faster but resolve quicker. That could be just me, but crying jags too are expected. You will level off quickly and feel much better soon enough. I can already tell that with how you are functioning that the worst of the post partum blues will most likely totally miss you. Remember you have endured a huge stressor, almost at the top of the stress list, surgery and a new baby. It will take some time to not feel so overwhelmed. Do not pressure yourself to feel normal. It will come. Have fun and enjoy this change in life as much as you can. In a few weeks your past existence without Andrew will all fade away.
Another baby question from your OB? You make beautiful babies. We heard that too...especially when you had good insurance. Yup. Easy for him to say. I am sure you have wonderful babies, but asking you about another as an initial doctor contact borders on the odd. And no V back anymore. If you do have a c section you will always have them these days.
And you are right. Aren't the new OB delivery wings wonderful. It is like giving birth at a four star or better hotel. I love that. Shame all surgery and so on is not treated like that...Sleep study units are pretty awesome too. Steven
its another day gone by and andrew and i are to sleep on the couch. i did better that i could see him and get up by myself. id love to just lie down and sleep but getting into the bed even hurts and i cant sit up on my own. rob takes kate upstairs to oir bed and then brings her to the couch when hes leaving for work. i guess it may be a week or so i have to do this.
i did notice that the both sets of parents dont seem too enthralled with baby andrew. my in laws caem 2x o see the baby at the hosp. one of them was to drop kate off .. and my parents came the 1st day super late in the day and the 1st day i gave birth i had no one around me until like 5pm when everyone showed up. my parents came yest and they held the baby some, but i actually remember them fighting over kate. its my turn to hold her no its mine. they seemed to be more with kate and played with her.. my dad said andrew "looked" like a boy. i said yeah he has no eyelashes. he said oh and looked and noticed that no he doesnt. my mom held him a little but was like oh i can put him down here? she didn t hold him the day of the hosp b/c she had a cold.. and i thought shed be super eager to do so yest. my dad said oh hes strong, and rob must be happy he has his son.
i dont know if it took everyone time to warm up to kate and i dont remember? i do remember my mom saying when i 1st had kate , i gotta see the baby, i want to go see the baby again (
according to my dad)
she did say oh he looks like a picture...
i dont remember feeling thsi bad after kate, but.. i dont know if it was all a blur? i had a hard time with her as far as her hip and she had colic..
or its b/c i already have a child i feel all this.
i have to go to the drs tomorrow - or today when u read this and im nervous going by myself with the kids and getting the stroller and kate walking and well the incision.
im getting my staples removed, but im still worried im not closed enough. and andrews going for his 1st peds appt.
i dont know what to think of whether our families like andrew or not. i mean i feel its kind of stupid in a way. they should just love him, but with these people i dont put it past anyone.
i do know my mother said my bro and sis in law were very happy to be the godparents. not that they ever hardly come here. i invited them to come sat thinking i shud be the more mature one but they already have double booked plans they said.
my mil called to check in and while i was talking with her i had to keep holding back tears. i had tried to psych myself up for the day and to make it relaxing, im so tired and we did sleep, i dont know why. and im freezing. since i had the baby ive been shaking alot, i know you get the spinal shakes after but its usually only the day after so i dont know whats wrong with me.
i dont feel like going anywhere to tell you the truth. i feel like its bad enough im here by myself im not going out.
You should feel (physically) better in a few more days. You are already moving around and although this is not easy, it is clear progress.
Second children: Wow, we could talk all day on this one. The second child in the family never gets the kudos and attention and novelty focus of the first as a baby. As Andrew grows older he will get attention for being a boy, for doing things that are unique to him and so on. But the attention you got with Kate and the intensive focus on her and everyone wanting to hold her and pay attention to her...that sadly is usually markedly diminished with the second child. It is not your imagination. It happens and although unfair it is typical for most families. Occasionally there is such a bias toward male children that they become the focus, even if second born, but Kate will always have the honor of being fought over, fussed about and showered with attention in her baby years. If you have a third child it is is even more marked. Plus boys get a different kind of attention than girl babies. But wait until he is a toddler; that all changes and as he develops his own identity and personality people will take notice. They will be saying how strong and powerful he is and there will be boasting about the family as to what he will do in his life, how tall he will get etc. It is really quite odd, but again all totally normal. (and when the boy toys start to get purchased there is a huge attraction with the men. Wait until he has his first battery powered ride in car...or scooter. Woah, it all goes nuts. And even if these things exist with Kate the reaction is just not the same.
As far as how you feel, please give yourself an emotional break. Having two kids is a powerful adjustment and getting back into the swing after a surgery on top of it all is rough. You will have lots of ups and downs in these next few weeks from self doubts to marriage doubts to crying jags...all common. Expect this and know that when it comes it will pass quickly. It will not feel that way but it will pass.
My wife was scared too going to the doctors and worried about the staples coming out to soon. But with Jack she had them out exactly on the beginning of (no joke) day three and she was fine. You will be too. And it is a marker that things are headed in the right direction.
The more you pay attention to what people do or do not do with Andrew the worse you may feel. Let it all go. Right now you concern is taking care of you and him and kate. The rest will take care of itself. And when the godparents and whoever is ready to come over, maybe you might find yourself double booked too. lol
Don't push yourself to be "normal" right now. In truth this is not a normal time and it will take time to get back to any sense of self. Expect to feel isolated, disgusted with yourself (normal) and discouraged about the oddest things. It will pass. But give yourself the time to adjust. You have been through a huge stress and there is a natural fall in serotonin after birth, and all the reactions both physical and mental that come with it can be difficult. This too, passes. Steven
went to the on today and he removed my staples. he told me im ok and didnt put any steri strips. he asked how i got there and was kind of shocked i was alone. he said i should have household help for a minimum 2 weeks and ideally 4. he asked where rob was i just said hes at work and reminded me im not allowed to drive. i said ok ill think about that as i drive away in my minivan. he asked if anyone else could help me and i said not really, and made a comment how its just me myself and i.. and said i hear ya... he gave me speech that maybe he gives people like me... oh i know youre tough etc. i used to think he actually thought that about me, but for some reason i had the thought it was the sorry i stuck my foot in my mouth.. you have no one so ill try to spin this into youre so awesome youre tough you dont need anyone.
i said nothing and he said see you in 3 weeks and i said ok. i had hoped itd be like at the 6 week mark or something but i guess not.
i finished there and went to peds and waited quite some time since i finished at the ob quickly. the ped was impressed by andrews size and kate was well behaved - the ped said she was impressed at how well behaved she is and about andrew that she didnt say she doesnt like him or doesnt seem jealous. i know kate has given her a hard time but i always thought that maybe she knew it was b/c she was like giving her 3 shots everytime we went. she has always said she thought kate was a genius but i was taken off guard that she thought kate wasnt well behaved. she kissed me and told me she was proud of me with the job ive done with her. i got outr of there and kate was behaving until late afternoon and i actually had ordered a whole bunch of things online and had rob to go pick them up in babies r us so he wouldnt have to shop..
i told him to get kate a toy for being so well behaved and we gave it and told her and she seemed happy as she wanted mickeys farm play set. the evening quickly devolved as rob i had asked him to pick up our detergent but got the wrong one..he then was screaming at me and i said why are you screaming at me? i almost said i mean i put everything in the order so he wouldnt have to figure out what i wanted and he had 2things to buy and he couldnt handle it. this is a pattern with him and if i try to remind him or double check he gets all defensive. he either gets the wrong thing or forgets one thing on the list and its oh ill go back, either apologetically or in a full on red rob screaming match depending..
i said forget it pretty angrily, and kate said dont yell at mommy. (in a pretty bossy tone too.) i said nothing to her - as i was going to say yeah kate tell him but didnt want to start putting her in the middle of us.
kate didnt nap and shes been doing that the last few months she skips naps and even if i encourage her to shell just pop again and i guess she gets cranky but its like she turns on a dime and its from kate the great to kate the monster. shes been having diarrhea only one or 2 episodes a day but huge in amt and its burned her butt. she wont admit to going and will run away when im like did you poop?
and its not like thats a yes b/c shell run away whether she has or hasnt.
shes in excruciating pain when we clean her - and we put the cream which does help - but of course isnt completely healed.
i explained at a calmer moment that she needs to tell us so she doesnt burn and she seemed to understand - and then an hour later did it again.
between the 2 poops the other temper tantrums she woke up andrew so many times. i was super close to losing my temper. then he wants to eat to sleep and throws up from over feeding. he doesnt seem to like a pacifier although today took it more b/c i pushed it on him.
i was so close to smacking her steve. i mean i know she lives here too, but i mean it was at least 4 times she woke him up. i dont know if i should tell her shell wake him up, (ive been trying to make our circumstances are not due to andrew - like mommy has a boo boo not b/c of andrew but b/c the dr did it to help me.. to its too cold to play at mc donalds not b/c im not bringing her b/c andrews too little..)
but i dont know if thatll lead her to resenting him. its not like he naps at 2 tmes a day hes still like i wake up to be fed and changed, n sleep again.
tomorrow the dining furniture is coming without chairs and so is the coffee table. ill be here with the kids but i figure itll be ok b/c ill just point and tell them where to put it. the spaces are all cleared of course.
oh and i think i found rob a christmas present. a workbench from kobalt at lowes. my only problem. how do i get it here? its on sale for 199. if i get it delivered its 85, which kinda deflates the sale price. know it would make him happy. should i just buy it and then enlist rob to pick it up and be like surprise!!! i wanted to get him something nice as hes been dealing with me and the end of the preg and of course me being kinda on the useless side although i ve been trying to fix things to be easier for him.. like ordering stuff online and having it delivered.. and doing some stuff..
Took me a while to get to you today. We celebrated my daughter's 16th b-day so it has been a crazy day. She wanted to go to a fancy restaurant so she did. She is full and my wallet is a lot lighter.
I would say have the W Bench delivered. It is sort of (not horrible) of a bummer to have to pick up your own gift. True it is extra cost, but it could be worth it with the surprise and all.
I am sure you are making things as easy as you can for everyone. You are used to being a real worker and you are not able to help as you were, but still I am certain you are doing way over what you are supposed to. But that would be you and really I cannot imagine you having anyone driving you to a .doctor's appointment. While it would be nice to have someone help you do these kind of things you are made to be able to do it...miserable as it is. Plus, I am not sure if you would accept much help anyway. You do not like to feel like you owe anyone.
Household help for four weeks? Who on earth has that these days? My wife had three days each time, just like you now. It is nearly impossible with working families to find this kind of help unless you pay for it and even then that is a pain of coordination, and worry about trust and who is in your home doing what.
Three week follow up is typical. That sure sounds familiar. And you are tough. You have no one to really help so you find a way to do it yourself. Survivor personality. You certainly do not want to be this way if you did not need to be, but it is good to know that you can handle the rough stuff of life when it comes.
You are a great mom. See even the ped knows it. And I am certain the ped didn't mean that you had a bad child who was not well behaved in the past. It is so rare that she made note of it...and I am not kidding most kids are not well behaved like Kate. And, she is indeed handling this new brother thing remarkably well. She will get mean to him eventually, all older sibs generally do...But she is handling it really well. And what kids likes to see the ped? Mine all hate her, universally, and acting out is par for the visit.
I am sure Andrew is a hit with the doctors. The ones I know seem obsessed with large boys. Why I have no idea. I guess because they do not see that many exceptionally big boys. It is kind of cool actually.
I am very surprised that you have not mentioned that Rob and you are fighting. One to two weeks after the baby is born is when that starts. Rob sounds stressed too and I have no doubt that he isl; nowhere near your own stress level, but still, he is feeling this change, I am sure. Stupid fights about what was asked about the shopping list are common, or some such things like that...it is just venting. Of course being male and having testosterone poisoning in utero, with organizational skills suffering, is just too typical.
That is sad about Kate. What is happening to her physically that she is having this issue so often? You are right though. Once the cycle of pain and skin break down starts this is hard to break. My one had similar issues at one point. But having her not tell you when she has had a bowel movement is pretty common as well...the running away thing. I can't explain why kids do this but they all seem to do it.
How would Kate do with some positive reinforcement like a toy prize box (cheap dollar store stuff) for staying quiet for longer and longer periods? Seems to me she is not being bad, or resentful, just being a young kid who likes to make noise. Some BF Skinner techniques often do the trick here and most often no punishment is needed. She needs to learn "baby rules" with Andrew as well.
Let me know how the delivery goes. And what happened with the non matching furniture section? Steven
wow your oldest is 16? shit youre old :)
i remember wanting a sweet 16 party. i didnt have one but i had all sorts of delusions of grandeur that id have like a grand party in dresses...
anyway good for her.
i kind of told rob i had picked something at lowes and he is guessing a generator. i said no -i wouldnt buy him that - thats a household expense. he said hes willing to pick it up, i said i hate to ruin the surprise though. i was going to talk more about it but i fell asleep.
poor andrew vomited 3 times today large amts, and he only pooped once - strange for him i know they poop less and formula babies poop less than breast fed.. i dont know if hes just having a tough day or if i should switch his formula. of course i just bought $150 worth of hsi formula since i had to order it online. you cant return formula though we could try to sell it on craigslist.. he vomited in his sleep an dof course soaked everything and needed to be all washed down him self. i hate to see him suffering, poor thing - this i s the 1st day ive realy heard him cry much. he was also awake for quiet some time. i hope this isnt thr sign of things chnaging already.
hes sleeping right now and im just worried. im thinking of just buying the other formula and saying screw it about what i already bought and going to babies r us - exactly what i didnt want to do honestly, but if it gets me his little disposeable bottles in sensitive, and hes ok.. well i guess who cares. we could donate the formula to the church.
in teh meanwhile the furniture was delivered. it was i guess 20 min before the end of the delivery wndow that they showed up - it was 1- 6pm.t hey came at 540pm. not that i was going anywhere but i do find that annoying. esp since it took them like 2 hrs to move it all in and assemble it. the furniture is beautiful and at the last minute they were putting the shelves in the china cabinet and theres a manufacturer defect. the glass doesnt sit in the shelf. we have to have their authorized service repair guy come. this was while i was delaing with andrew throwing up and kate starting to freak about how late in the day it was and she refuses to nap anymore. luckily rob was home at 6pm, and he told them move this to the side etc, he tried to see if he could get the shelve to fit, and said he could prob fix it himself, but i said no tahts ok let the authorized service jerk come. i planned to put all my china and everything in it and start filling it up, but cant now and i said to rob, this i swhat happens when you buy american. i swear. 15k and theres a manufacturers defect, the wrong color shipped, the chairs not made. you know maybe we should send all the jobs overseas. i dont see this being an awesome experience for the price. i told rob to call his friend brian, and i hope brian who has been (i think) purposely calling my cell despite being told to call rob on his by rob himself... brian has been kissing my ass. oh am i ok, is the baby ok?
so robs going to call. as far as thomasville - they sent the pics to the warehouse and were waiting to hear back about the sectional. i think we nee to call agai and apply soem pressure. i swear steve i feel like being like dad i need to call a guy. like you know the guy who knows a guy? to apply the pressure?
yeah. i told rob theyre lucky im mellow from having a baby.
as far as my getting help, i tried with that girl ashley, if i do get preg again and i know im having a c section, well ill have soemone lines up. last time i didnt get any cleaning girl or anything so i go that and im using the disposeable bottles instead of the reg like i did with kate - plus getting the laundry done.
rob and i acted like we didnt fight and he was quite pleased with himself (hes already got the con ed bug..) he was made the electrical expert of his dept today.. and theres these national electrical/ osha regulations coming out that they have to have every employee - management is who were tlaking about - union already has the gear - have to have these special jackets that are fire rated if theyre near the job site. of course con ed wants him to find a way around it - not to give management the jackets - (im kind of surprised by this b/c theyre very safety conscious..) and rob is the guy whos going to give his reccomendation for the company - whether they will spend all this money or not on the jackets. i looked at rob and said well, you tell me. is it worth my husbands life b/c con ed wouldnt buy him his jacket just b/c hes not at the job site everyday? i want them to look me in the f**king eye and tell me that. i told him the lawsuit that i would have - forget about if i went to the press - ny hates con ed and theyre not tht bad - itd be a huge pr issue for them. rob looked at me and said im making the reccomendation that everyone has the jacket. i said oh. he said we cant get around it - theres national safety codes that are out and i agree its the rightthing to do.
i looked at him and said you get paid for this bullshit? he said yep. and im loving it. i mean steve how hard of a call is it to say buy the jacket? rob wasnt persuaded by me but he he said he did all his research to hit his bosses hard that they need the jacket for the guys. and he said the jackets nice he cant wait to get it. i said he should wwear it while hes working on out house, he plans on moving the newly hung chandelier to center it over the table and to move the ceiling fan so theyre all lined upp with the furniture and each other...
meanwhile my dad bought him osha shoes for xmas today.
my dad asked when they came over the other day if rob seemed happy and i said yes. i think hes amused he gets paid so much to work so little.
you think i should say upfront theres baby rules? im trying not to make hima hassle to her honestly. like oh i cant yell b/c of him or i cant this b/c of him... the baby fell asleep finally and she started rocking him i told her not to - gently hes already sleeping, she didnt listen i told her again and she ran away crying. i trie to talk ot her again and she was hysterical. i felt bad of course (she reminds me of me so much in this aspect.. like she thought she was helping and i know this. i told her so, i know shes trying to help and shes doing such a good job which is why she got a surprise yest..) she just buried her face and cried while i sat there and cried too. i dont wnat t hurt my little girl. i told her that but she was so beside herself i know it didnt get thru.
I am not old at all. And fortunately I do not look my age at all. Most people guess I am in my mid thirties. So there! But yes, she had a small, very small party and had fun. Of all things to order at this restaurant she orders homemade pasta. It was good, but she could have had anything from Elk to Ostrich to Quail.
A generator? For Christmas? Rob really needs to get more adventurous with his choices. A tool chest is a much better gift. A generator is nice, but it is so household, you know? Its like buying someone a vacuum cleaner.
The thing that seems worse is the mismatched furniture sectional. What is it that you have to prove all of this before they act? They should be chasing you down to see how you like the furniture. I am not sure if being a guy would help or hinder the process, like having you father involved for example. I imagine you could really crank up the heat if you wanted. Just channel some of the frustration over the past year into that call. Of course I do not want you to be arrested! lol Seriously though they so need to make this right.
I am glad you finally have some help. You are tough, but even still you need some of that assistance in the day to day, especially laundry which can get overwhelming with four in the house. (and heavy)
It does sound a little like Andrew is not doing as well on his formula. That is so hit or miss. My one kid could take anything. The other had to have the lactose intolerant stuff, expensive. Heck, it is all expensive. And only certain brands seem best. I never could figure the logic there. But I do remember the vomit episodes and I feel sorry for you as a parent. Those sleep deprived days and nights and clean up suck. And watching the baby go through it. That part of it really sucks. But: You will find what he does best on, but that period in between is no fun at all.
Isn't it nice when your expensive furniture comes and needs an immediate repair? Don't they check that quality and fit at the factory? You would think, but we have all been there. And you are right. If this was made in Japan the thing would be perfect and shiny bright and not a flaw to be seen. It is just not right that we get charged so much for poor work. I also agree it needs to be the manufacturer who fixes it, even if Rob could do so. 15k and it does not fit. Now that is a shame. They should do better than that?
Rob did get a job where he can determine many things, including buying a safety jacket. Does that make a lot of sense> No. But then again I have to manage supply orders at work as a part of my job some days. Is that what I went to school to do? No, but it is reality. Sometimes certain people fall into roles. Rob may fall into the safety role. That is just fine. At least he is going to follow the rules and have ConEd buy the things...and hey...he can wear it while he works on the household electric. Now that is clever. lol
Rob gets OSHA shoes for Christmas? Do you get gifts like that from your dad? I hope not. I can see food processors and stuff like that in your future if that trend continues. How about diamonds? Aquamarines? Garnets? Birth stone stuff with the family in gold...something nice?
You will not hurt Kate with a small but important number of baby rules. She needs this structure now as she is reacting to the change. The more you can make this a game with rules the better, but she does need rules. The crying spells and tantrums she is having is from the stress of the change. It is not a reaction to you making rules, and don't give that a thought. You are not mean when you set these rules. She needs them. As long as you say them in a nice way that explains why...she will get it and then will do so consistently. Steven
last night andrew cried for 3 hrs on the sensitive formula. i have a feeling we may be in store for colic.
hes good all day. sleeping letting me do stuff. and then 930pm came. i worked on him for 2 hrs until kate (yes at 1130pm) wanted me to hold her and i told rob i have to pee and i need a minute. he held andrew and i got kateto sleep. then andrew went to sleep for like 15 minutes. i did for about 10 and he was screaming. rob left me to bring kate upstairs and ill tell u the truth - i had been out christmas shopping saturday for like 8 hrs and i was at cassies bday party on sun from 12 - 5 and it was an hr commute at 70 mph non stop the whole way each way to the bounce place she was having it. i think andrew ended up crying to sleep b/c i woke up an hr later to a sleeping baby in my arms and ill tell u the truth i dont know when i fell asleep at 1am or so... if he had fallen asleep or what happened. poor andrew. that used to happen with kate too.
anyway sat i bought kate some presents along with andrew (they were with us..) plus for my frends kid and cassies bday and family kids. the cart was overloaded and if you could believe we got comments about how many toys we had from not 1 person but 3? one person said whoa. and the other 2 were like in a nutshell like my kids are spoiled. i heard rob saying to one of them oh its for cousins and stuff and i steered him away, pissed hes explaining to assholes in walmart why i have a cart full of toys.
meanwhile dominic i swear to god is a sociopath. we went to the party and kate ended up sitting next to him so i sat in between them risking my surgical incision with that brat.
i felt sore from the day before but figured i could gt kate some special mommy and me time and wed be out of robs way to do stuff here like move the old furniture out. he took care of andrew whom i was afraid he would literally forget about. he said andrew was good and i came home to the house being better, he was upset he didnt do more and i told him to stop, i got home after 6pm and said we still have to go buy that formula and went to 3 store looking for it til we finally got it. we went to dinner, got home at 930pm and andrew started his screaming crying
anyway i lost kate at the maze thing, guess where i f**king found her? t another kids bday party. if you think im kidding im not. the stupid party was 2 hrs. i didnt anticipate it would be a solid hr of driving 70 with no traffic. so i got there 15 min late. where kate promptly pooped. went to change her. put our stuff down, time to sit for 1/3 of a slice of pizza.
(what a rip off.- even if my kid only ate a third of a slice they should have a wholeslice. sorry. ) ok, so i sat with this girl gina whos nice and i get along with from mommy and me. i didnt say anything about jen or anything going on at the party. she was surprised i was at the party due to my c section of course. her daughter is very sweet and the girls get along well. shes a month younger than kate. ok, so were there and jen is making a huge deal of me. you want soda? we have hero, blah blah. i said jen do what you gotta do. im not here for you to wait on. she kept at it of course and i finally got a soda and a slice of sandwich. the kids go play maybe 30 min and its time for cake. kate gets hers and sticks her face right in. with n hands- like shes bobbing for apples. while the other mothers are cutting the cake up so much its mush.
then they play like 15 min and the partys over. i swear. so im like to the woman behind th counter - my daughter wants to stay, how much? she says oh shes little dont worry about it. im like are you sure? yes. so jen stays and we stay til 515pm. from 1215.
kate was in a bounce house and i was watching, and i guess she got past me? and walked to the other party where she was taken by an adult- who admitted it - to sit for their pizza. i was already looking for her and before they realized they stole my kid i was already in their party like wtf? they were nice enuff to say kate could keep the pizza in front of her but... well i had had enough by that point. i had searched from outside the whol maze and was systematically working my way thru 2 bday parties.. i found her right next to the maze at the table for the other bday party.
meanwhile i of course had my mini breakdown of that im ugly and i dont look good and rob says .. oh you look beautiful blah blah and thanked me for making/ having andrew and here you are thinking rob did good right.. ike maybe youre rooting for him..until he says you look much better than after you had kate...
now since i pushed so long i was all swollen and my my eyes were with broken capilllaries.. but .. still
anyway the best was on sat night dr b sent me a text that said - why dont you leave the kids at home and come out and party with me like a rockstar. i of course declined ... but i did wonder about intentions..
and i got a text from my old dr who is the head of the icu who basically didnt answer me about giving me a letter of reccomendation against the board.. but did give me a recomendation for my job.. and we hadnt soken since the not answering of of the board letter.. he said congrats? and i said yes.. and i told him about andrew. he said the insurance sent him a letter stating i was hospitilized and c sectioned. 0.300
I read this post as a whole, in its entirety. Wow, you are really pushing yourself. I mean birthday parties and all are great and so on, but you driving all that distance and having a recent major surgery and having a baby and being stressed from Sandy. How about trying to turn down the volume a bit so to speak. You do not have to do all of this and I am concerned that you are going to burn yourself out. Nothing burns twice and you, once fried, will have a hard time coming back from that. Take it easier. I am concerned about what you are doing to yourself.
I really feel for you if Andrew has colic. That is just miserable. It does go away, almost as quickly as it showed up, but for a while the evening and night screaming is awful...and there is nothing that you can do. I mean you can try the silicone drops but they do not seem to do a lot. The psychological part helps that you, as a parent, are doing something to help the screaming and crying...but still this is no easy time and it really puts one's abilities, patience and energy to the test.
Walmart: People always amaze me with their freedom to give off hand comments about how others live. So what if you had a truckload of gifts for kids. It is really none of their business. Spoiled implication? Maybe you should have told them it was for a group of orphans. Their parents were killed when someone at a store nosed into their private business. Really? I can understand why you would feel offended by that level of behavior. It is so...intrusive.
At least the house seems like it is getting more in order with Rob helping out. After a baby nothing seems to move fast enough and I know what he is saying about wanting to do even more in the time that he had available. It just never seems like enough. But he did get some things done, critical things. And, he remembered that there was a baby in the house. That is worth some points, right? (not really, but he did seem to do a good job.)
I laughed and laughed at your daughter's antics. That is a great story for her first boyfriend of how she was crashing b day parties before she was 4. And she sat down and was eating pizza at the other party? That is too much. I love it. I am sure you were none too happy about the whole thing but it is a great story to tell. BTW: Those maze things can lose kids like magic and where they end up is anyone's guess. Who would think though to look for her at another party? You did. That is one for your mother instincts I will tell you. I would not have looked there.
Mini breakdowns about appearance happen after babies. Its normal. And, Rob was doing well until he mentioned that you looked better than last time. I think he may need some Just Answer time on what to say to your wife and what not to. That was the wrong thing brother.
Dr b, I think, is just being nice. He did at least think about you and gave you a typical male one liner about partying. I am sure he is not looking at his comment in any real way. I doubt there was hidden intent. Most men haven't a clue what to say to a woman after she has a baby. He decided to try funny. It came across, sort of well, not really.
Nice to know your medical records are a source of both fact and social information for this doctor. Perhaps he should have looked you up on a social network? Am I reading this right that he only finds out about a baby when he sees your insurance codes? Is that eve appropriate? Wow. Steven
my father cam over to see us. without my mom. i asked where she was and he said oh shes christmas shopping. i said oh. i mean he called 1st i just assumed both of them were coming over and then he just came.
of course kate was not on her best behavior, she threw a toy and hit the baby and my father was holding him. of course thats literally never happened before, and shes not normally throwing things. sigh. my house is disheveled due to the new furniture and we have the old furniture piled in my eat in kitchen along with all the gifts.. freaking toys are huge. i didnt have any warning other than the 1 hr warning like what are you doing? nothing oh im coming over. therewasnt any comment from him, i dont know if he cares or not that the house is a mess.
anyway he came for about 3 hrs and that was 30 min after he was like let me get going...
as far as the stupid hurricane, well its over. crap still needs to be fixed, but.. well itll take time.
and christmas is 2 weeks away from today so i have to keep going. whether i like it or not honestly. my dad coming over - well i didnt get anything done..
so tomorrow i better get cracking i guess. i already booked the cleaning ladies for christmas eve..
i went thru colic with kate. which is how she got so close to rob, i couldnt soothe her. rob would come home and hed be the only one.. she started sleeping on his chest, and well here we are..
of course i went thru her hip and her colic while i was being harassed at my old job so its no wonder they "caught" me..
my father was not happy with the other bday party story and didnt find it funny. apparently my parenting is sucky.
and kate was following orders as another mother told her come on its time to sit down and kate being 2 1/2 went and sat...
i mean they said she was only there a minute. b/c i only lost her for a minute.
anyway, i still feel like crap about the way i look. and my incision doesnt help for sure.
i saw the movie bull durham for the 1srt time, since i get to be up late ta night unable to sleep exhausted. i sleep better in the am and get late starts now. but i also havent slept in my bed in... i dont know since before the hurricane. and i relate a little too much to susan surandens character. im not mystical for sure, but she says how she gives these boys their confidence and then they leave and that may seem like a bad trade but baseball and lifes full of them.
my brother used to play ball and of course i was there, my brother was an all star pitcher who people seriously thought would make it all the way - til he quit in college - but when he was an adolescent , the boys who umpired were late high school/ and college age.. and i was younger than them but quite interested.
and the coaches used to encourage me to "talk'" with the umpires... ironically.. none ever asked me out, so no romances there but i wonder if any of them liked me...
of course i dated a divorced (father) coach there, but we could leave that alone i guess....
meanwhile andrew screamed for hrs..
(dont ask me how many i lost count)
we got him down and we woke him up when rob opened velcro to fix the couch cushion, i didnt know it velcroed and said can you fix that? he didthe tearing noise and freaked him out. we got him asleep again for about 45 min i fell asleep and rob was going up to bed and carrying a sleeping kate and he woke up. he def screamed another hr...
as far as that dr, he is listed on my insurance as my primary dr, i just havent been to see another primary dr, when i started my job i didnt know what to do about seeing him, but figured id figure it out later. so they sent him something about an approval for my hospitilization. so he just read his mail and didnt do anything wrong honestly. i wouldnt mind talking or seeing him again, but the texting was stilted - i asked how he was and he said great and didnt ask how i was - and when he said great i tried to keep it going by saying oh good, and he didnt answer that, so i dont know why he texted me in the 1st place honestly. if he wasnt interested in talking t me.
we used to rely on each other alot at work, since he was the head of the icu, and i was a charge nurse on the vent floor he would be sending his downgraded vent pts to us and he knew id sound the alarm early if anything seemed amiss..
we worked well together.. and he used to bring the residents around and theyd have to wait for him to talk to me (of course hed think he was funny, and was at times, hes very dry/ sarcastic.. and hed screw up and id be mad and avoiding him at times and hed be trying to make up with me..) hes one of the drs from spain..
i can say i def miss being highly regarded at work.
You know...we have talked about this in the past. It really does not matter (in the best possible and healthy way) what Dad or Mom or anyone thinks about your home or Kate or Andrew or Rob. If you are okay with it, then it is fine.
So what if you have toys and furniture piled up? You just had a baby and surgery. It is a crazy, crazy time. What else are you to do? You are acceptable as you, Liz, the person are. Dad can't give you your value, or mom...and her not showing up; that is a good thing. You don't need any more of her one liners to deal with. And Kate being a kid and throwing toys. Of course she would pick then to do it, in front of your father, but hey...it's normal behavior and expected. As Andrew gets older he will return the favor many times over.
Get cracking you say? Ok Liz...you pay me to be your adviser, coach and therapist. Slow down. It will all get done. You have stuff for Kate and Andrew and you are in a home that is intact, and although messy due to the furniture and all...still in good shape. Relax a bit. You go and go on adrenaline and I do not think you even realize that you do this. One day you are going to get adrenal exhaustion if you keep this up and that will not be pretty. What would be wrong with cutting in half all the stuff you "must" do? I know I know it all has to get done. But does it? Enjoy your life and your kids and husband. The rest of your family often did little for you except drive you nuts. Take it easy and light and loosen the emotional pressure from yourself. You're worth this.
Your looks. They return to normal in time...the incision fades, a lot. Frankly, you seem to be pushing too fast, too hard. How long has it been since the birth? Not long. Easy on yourself. This was no simple thing like a tooth filling. This was major surgery. Treat yourself like it was. The rule is 9 months up and 9 months back.
I never saw Bull Durham. My baseball movie experience extends to the Natural, which I thought was a ridiculous movie BTW, and the Bad News Bears, also horrible. But relating to a strong female character in the film? Good for you. You should. We need to relate to others in film...it keeps us and our emotions in realty. Watch more stuff with strong women in it. You might find yourself in them, a lot. Umpire dating though... hmmm, never thought of that.
Colic is horrible. You know it and I know it, and I feel sad for you. At least you know it is not your parenting skills. It happens to the best of us. Why, I have no idea. It is wild this happens to children and it sure doesn't help us, the sleep deprived and half dead parents.
It is odd that the doctor you mentioned (we need a code for him too, like dr S for Spain) texted you then didn't engage with you. Why would he do that? It is just odd. You have to wonder about these people sometimes. He does sound like he respected you and I know you miss the connection and respect of your old contacts. It is not you that has changed, it is just this new job. There are odd ducks in all jobs that we work, but this latest job...there is a whole flock of them. It isn't you. Really. Steven
well maybe youll be proud of me. or maybe not. but i got nothing done today. i slept late. then of course im taking care of the kids. but i feel so tired.. i dont know, i was supposed to call and get the boiler fixed and i didnt even do that. ill tell you i hate cleaning. i just do. cooking i one thing. but cleaning? i like stuff cleaned up and clean. just not by me?
i held he 2 kids for awhile. i bought kate a winter coat online along with a gift for her teacher for mommy and me. were going friday. then theres no classes til the beginning of january. and jens not going to be at this one. so i figured ill take the kids, gina will be there, and ill have andrew in the stroller. its all assembled in the car and ill just transfer him to it . hopefully hell sleep. if not ill do it with him too. he can dance a round and see the other kids. after ill take kate to play like normal- theres indoor places to play out there.. and come home. not too late, and then i can call this boiler guy when im leaving they usually take awhile to come.
tomorrow, i will make a more focused effort. tonight im going to make dinner. if robs willing to help me ill do soem stuff- like start going thru stuff he boxed up now due to all the furniture being taken out and new stuff being brought in. i dont have to clean and were not doing lundry for the next 2 weeks til after xmas to allow us to catch up. andrews sleeping now and i wonder what the night will hold honestly.
rob and i were tlaking and the ob bringing up another baby has well.. i dont made me think about it. i told rob at the end of this preg i ws like f**k this im not doing this again. that feels kind of good. like ok, im done. just done. no more pregnancy. no more worrying about tryng to my job preg. my job is hard already and when youre preg its just ridiculous honestly.
but then again i look at andrew and feel sad that this is our last baby.
i said this to rob and he said just enjoy andrew we can decide later. ill tell you if andrew is colicky too well maybe it is enough. kate screamed for so long way past the time frame and i feel was very difficult baby. i had major hope this one would be easy. i mean well see but i have alot of mixed feelings of course. i was thinking if i was smart id wait 6 months start trying again and get preg in 6 or 7 months. then of course how long this preg thing takes.. and andrew will be a little less than 2... and then i think. its too much. im not getting any younger and its too much.
my brother sais to me at the hospital with his wife in attendance - oh when we left thanksgiving (there were 2 kids btw. kate and the ugly kid jason...) we went home and said oh its nice to go home and theres no kids here. now granted they were playin but ive been at things where the kids are just going buck wild. and kate at 2 1/2 and jason being around 20 months.. it wasnt that buck wild really. we both have one child so were both on them and on top of that they had all their grandparents there who had no other grnadchildren to deal with them.
i felt kind of surprised and had the thought that id be the only one having grandchildren... i mean i know thats the case for my in laws. his bro is my age and wont move out or drive or.. well do anything other than go to disneyworld and work a part time job doing sports with kids...
9 months is too long to feel back to normal for me. and i dont want to wait til next fall. of course i want my looks back now, but i think my boy looked better after kate. i feel the incision has made my abd look weird and i just dont want it.
as far as strong female characters, she wad the lead for sure. but she was a whore. she slept with one ball player a season and gave them their confidence and got them to major league balll - shed sleep with teh most prospective guy- and then hed leave and shed go back to finding her next project. she gave them confidence and they made her feel safe (she says this in her narrative..) it is a good movie that i just never had the time to see.. its rated in the top 100 movies actually. no one seems to call out that shes a whore in the reviews but its a well liked movie apparently. it has alot of good lines in it.. and theres a feeling to i tthat reminds me of different places/ groups of people - not that im involved in that anymore - like when i was a teenager at those ballgames.. and when i was dating the bus drivers. there were a group o fgirls who were well known , like this one dated this guy etc.. maybe we were well known to the guys...
i guess im lucky i dont run into any of them..
as far as dr s. i dont know why. i haven texted him since the asking of the board letter and i of course feel embarassed and ashamed of what they said of me at my old job. i know no one there thinks im a good nurse or well anything about me. other than i got caught. or what they think. i know alot wont speak to me anymore, i know you know that. so its hard for me to face that dr.. i told him the truth and he said why dont you just tell the truth to the board and i said uh no way. he still gave me the reference to get this job, so i have to be grateful for that. as far as expecting or tlaking to him or seeing him as my dr or my husbands dr.. well i guess not.
I could be really therapeutic here and say, what would it mean to you if I was proud of you for taking some time to take care of yourself and what would it mean if I was not? Does it matter, really...But I am glad you had some degree of down time. I am not sure if you realize all of the energy you expend in what you consider normal activity...you do push yourself, too much.
Just reading your schedule makes me tired. It is good to here that you seem to have put some limitations on your work to allow you to prioritize, not doing the laundry for example. But I have to admit the way you talk about your tasks makes me wonder...you take a day, yesterday, then you say tomorrow I will make a more concerted effort. While I get what you are saying about needing to get active after a day of "more easy than normal", you are anything but a slug. You are very busy, and involved with your family, and I know that you would never just sit around on the couch or something. It is just that I have become aware that you are very task oriented, and even when you are just about dead on your feet you still will try to do a regular schedule. Try to not be so intense.
Unless my wife was cheer leading as she was, we would have stopped at two kids as well. I would never go back on having Jack; but after two, and all the stress of it...I so get you about keeping it at two. There is plenty of time to decide about it and frankly I think that where you are right now with all the baby issues and the colic and the work and the stress...this really is not the time to decide. Most folks wait until at least six months after the last baby before having that conversation.
Sometimes it is hard when you realize that you are the only one who might have kids and that the rest of the family might not. But then again it is a heck of a cool status to know that you are the only ones who will be carrying on the family name and traditions. But there is a sad part to it as well. I see that in a family member who waited too long to try and found out that 45 is not an ideal time to try a first pregnancy, especially with some physical conditions being there at 40 that were not there earlier.
Be encouraged. The 9 months up and down is a benchmark. If you take care of yourself that time frame can be a lot less. But to want to feel normal in less than 8 weeks. It just is not going to happen. I just do not want you to get discouraged that you are not better "already".
Ah yeah...I hope you didn't relate to the main character because of that behavior! I was hoping that you felt she was like you in strong personality and dedication.
There are people in our lives that when we see them now we just feel awful, like we want to just dive in a hole or something. It is the way life works. We sometimes, even with it not being our fault, have people who think less of us than would be normal. And lies that are told...once they are told about you it is nearly impossible to get people to see you as you are. It is one of life's most disappointing aspects as it is not your fault how people see you due to these lies and distortions. But it is a haunting feeling to think about the injustice of this time and the relationships and respect that was lost. Then again, it also says a lot about the character of people who would judge you so harshly...Steven
i knew you were going to say it doesnt matter if i agree or dont agree with you not getting anything done.
as far as baby number 3. i kind of have to hop on it. since i turned 35 and am just post partum... i mean my ob didnt call it out, but i think he was looking at my age honestly. he didnt ask me when i was having the next after kate. granted he didnt see me at the hosp as he wasnt on call. (im going o admit that i liked having him there as opposed to last time with all these drs that i didnt know.. now i know them, but still. i mean he did my last one too which was "scheduled") and i did get preg very quickly with my last one (by accident..) so he seemed a little surprised i was back so soon, but said kates beautiful and i should have more and to him ( a religious jew..) i guess it was like of course youre married and you know whatever youre preg again. i mean rob and i were surprised of course.
anyway i think the whole when will you get preg again was for him to help me plan like ok, take the pill for 5 months then do this then do that... so its not too close or too far. i dont think he expects me to have 5 or 7 or soemthing that soem of his religious jew women have - one on the waiting room told me she had 5 kids under the age of 7. i couldnt even hold back the whoa. i say this honestly. i can keep my game face but i was at my "overdue" appt and with kate and shes telling me this.. then shes telling me oh yeah she went 10 days overdue with this one and dr k did this to induce her labor without being induced with meds.. (in the exam he sweeps your mucous covering off...)
either way its like i feel i have to start really deciding so i have the outcome i want. i dont wnt to wait 3 yrs and then its like well its not happening. if i had been on schedule - i had planned on having kate at 30, andrew at 33 and the next at 35. i didnt anticipate the long time trying to conceive kate.
anyway dr k doesnt like you to have c sections b/c he wants you to have as many kids as you w ant and the limit is 3 for c section.. hell vbac you though. hes not v bac king me. and im fine with that personally.
andrew didnt carry on last night.. so i dont knwo if hes colicky yet or not. hes 2 weeks old today. or tonight late he will be. he was born at 1030pm.
as far as being the only one giving grandchildren. you know not for nothing.. what the f**k? everything is on me? yeah sorry grandparents. i would love for soemone to try to push me to have another b/c of that fact and i will smoke them. im all ready for that argument. b/c my parents dont really push.. so i doubt theyll say anything. my mom seems to think that my bro and sil will be having kids. not this second. but that its happening. i think if they do, they will have one personally. his wife doesnt seem to think she should have to deal with being sick or labor. and she asks alot of questions (like shes afraid...) and admitted that their other friends from college who are married the girl just had a baby and she told me what happened with her whole thing...
so i think theres a good chance she may chicken out.
and my mom said oh thats too bad with my mil and her other son not having kids. and like thats not your problem. and shes right. so i plan on making sure everyone knows im the only one who does anything. my brother hasnt even had us over to his apt in 2 1/2 yrs of marriage. so have they ever cleaned up to have people over? i mean seriously. and if my moms prized son ends up not having children. well screw them. like i said i cant and wont do everything. so if i have a 3rd its b/c i want it.
as far as the dedication of annie in bull durham. yes she was very dedicated to being a slut. and yes i related to her because of that. i say that seriously.
i mean i didnt have a strong personality for quite soem time, then i did- and men found that amusing i suppose. alot of men have nicknames for that. like theyd say shes a toughie. or theyd make comments about me being strongwilled in different ways and id just say ok cut the crap and just call me a bitch already. my god. you either like it or you dont.
i dont feel like i have a strong will like i did. esp sinece having kate. i dont even feel physically as strong as i used to. i could pull up pts by myself and even i always had the strongest hands. not anymore. dr b said liz youre so strong. i smiled slightly and he said what and i said uh i used to be alot stronger so i find it funny that you think this is strong. he seems to think so, but well i told him you didnt see me in my hey day.
as far as diving in a hole. yeah i will have to be careful about where i go, where i interview and if i go to conventions. out of fear of people who used to know me against people who know me know mingling. so i have avoided going to classes and stuff. its been in the back of my head a sa concern honestly.
i dont know what was spread around my old hospital- and the extent of what was said seriously.
and i cant really say it was a lie. it wasnt.
I think we need a new question Liz.
If you knew I was going to say it didn't matter what I or anyone else thought, why did you say it? ;)
I think even if you do have baby three that you do not need to pressure yourself at this point, right? You can't even have sex yet and you do not want to get pregnant so quickly that your body does not have time to recover fully. This is a topic for a little later. Don't place so much pressure on yourself. It is not a good thing for you emotionally. There is plenty of time for this conversation, just not now.
A religious Jewish doctor? Plenty of them around... Well, that is okay. He certaibly sounds competent. How many kids does he have? If he is orthodox he will have sex 14 days after his wife starts her cycle. That is usually a good fertility window. (I think I have those days right in my memory.) He sounds like he really likes the fertility end of the business. But my end is the emotional health business, and fertile and beautiful kids or whatever, now is too soon to be thinking about a third child. Give it a bit.
Women who talk like your sil often do not have children, although she is exhibiting some signs of contemplation. But the bot***** *****ne here is that you may end up as the sole generativity source of the family. And you have gorgeous kids and you have a boy and girl. You are blessed. Wow...look at how wonderful that all is. Pretty impressive I would say. And again, so what mom or dad or anyone thinks. You have a baby or not because that is what you wish, not to make someone happy; I agree with you.
And yes...time to start setting limits on what you will do for family. Not having you over ever in 2+ years? That is odd, and unfair to you who has to host everyone.
Annie and Bull Durham. That was not the comment I had hoped you would make. I know you are not happy with yourself about how you were in the past, but thinking of yourself in a derogatory way does not help. Can you not think of yourself in that manner?
I hate to tell you that your personality will naturally become less intense with age; and you are in your 30's and you will not be as intense as even a few years ago.
Hey that is good thing as you are pretty intense still...and strong. Yes, we have that in my family as well. That genetic trait of how muscle cells line up in certain structures is not always common in women, but when it is it can be "interesting". My mother and oldest have that trait. Scary strong in hands and grip and strength, like you. It fades a bit with time but you could still, I'll bet, arm wrestle the nurses and some of the doctors into submission. lol
Lies or not, truth gets distorted in situations like you were in. The real test of your character is whether you can feel no shame about it and really feel like you could face those people. You have changed Liz, even in the time we have talked. You have grown, and are more balanced and steady. You have nothing to fear about them and their thoughts as you are in a growth process and are not the same as you were, at all. You should be proud of yourself.You have come so far and the balance you see as weakness is usually growth. You have come many miles in your journey. Steven
ok for you steve - only you i will start a new question...
hi for steve olsen
my dr has 5 kids. which i hear is the new minimum for them. lol. they used to have to have 7 or 8 or 9.. but apparently if you have 5 its its enough to keep up appearances and not get crazy. anyway he had 2 girls. a boy and then 2 girls again.
as far as my kids being gorgeous. kate sure is. andrew... well he has the im not a scrawny baby on his side.. but well he may not be the cutest baby. well see the beginning is rough as i remember being worried about kate. i mean to be honest, its a wait and see. but i told rob as long as kate is gorgeous, well his looks dont matter. he just needs to be smart and have a good personality. girls fall for that crap.
i have mixed feelings about the past. i mean i dont feel badly b/c of the dating tmm for so long or being the other woman honestly. its prob more of the dating too many bus drivers.. after tmm broke up with me well it was a free for all, and i dated alot of guys but not necesssarily slept with them. then again im not going to say i didn sleep with those bus drivers.
and my strength has faded. in both personality and physically. i didnt think this would happen til i was 50 or soemthing. once i got preg with kate i wasnt as intense anymore. i mean i fought my head off with the situation of course. i went in there with like 3 days of no sleep by the time i did and i was still.. well pretty determined id say.
and from ym preg i got bi lat preg induced carpal tunnel. which has not receded. prob due to the fact ive been preg pretty steady since i had kate. so i have numbness/ tingling. well tingling til i go numb. the tingling can be pretty painful until the numbness kicks in. and when i drive for more thn 30 min which is often, it sets me off. by the time im at work im pretty much in the painful tingling.
which is great for my iv skills
as far as fear of the world of my career. i do have to worry. i dont want soemone from ym old job to tell other people in the job and say oh she did x y z. and ruin my rep. so the rumor mill can hurt you.
if it gets spread around here how will i work? and technically i lied on my job application. so i have alot to fear.
i mean i also feel ashamed to the drs who trusted me so much - i dont know if that means they rethought how much they relied on me.. but honestly all their pts have had good outcomes except for expected poor out comes.
to other nurses i feel like saying oh please youre a bunch of liars and bitches. cuz you all did it and still do. so leaving me out in the cold really was f**ked up. but i had another nurse who said im going down there to tell them we all do it. i told her no b/c i one hadnt counted on that support and i already lied. so i didnt want to change my story - and 2 it couldve gotten her fired too. and the 2 lawyers i consulted told me shud thank you for saving her license and everyone elses who may have admitted it without knowing the consequences.
i mean them being in trouble wouldnt have changed my being in trouble.
then again we couldve fought it saying the hosp demanded it with pressure and time restraints and amt of paper work. but whatever.
i guess if i had to face them again i would. i just would like to avoid it. i dont want to remind them of me or give them anything to say about me. i left everyome there can be happy as i was a ball buster and we can all move on. or they can at least.
anyway im going to take the kids to mommy and me.
hi steve, been trying to post this question for a few hrs, website says theres an error to try again later. sorry. dont want to lose question. i can paste and start a new one later..
When you can post a new question, please do; as this thread is now hard to work due to its size. I'll bet the posting glitch only lasts a little while. It seemed up and running just a few minutes ago.
Your doctor sounds like a number of Orthodox professionals I know of...lots of kids, but with a minimum for face's sake. His poor wife. (sorry that may not be politically correct, but still.)
Baby boys can be cute, but most do not come anywhere near the girls. They have a different role in life and rugged later on does not always equal cute in the near term.Rob is right. Big guy, strong with brains and a good sense of humor; sure, a lot of women love that. But you can't tell what he will look like now. Babies change so much. See him in two years and then you might have clue. Plus, boys go through cute not cute periods as they grow.
Mistakes are made by all of us, and we have periods of our lives where we feel that we never wish to look again...but the important thing is that you have now gone long past that period of your life. It is now in the river of time and no longer relevant. It is only relevant if nothing about you changed to alter the patterns that you disliked. And, you have changed. Are you much like that person who was with tmm? I do not think so.
You know...I read this whole post. If you were an attorney trying to make a case for self condemnation I would probably award you the guilty verdict. You sure make a case that you are inadequate and defective and a mess, both physically and emotionally. What good does that do for you? Truth is that we all change in our 30's and we lack zest and energy and drive. It is the way of our lives. But to be so harsh on yourself for not being so driven as in the past; well, you certainly seem pretty driven to me. However, to give such energy into making the point that you are not as wonderful as you used to be seems a relative waste of the person you are now. Truthfully, you seem like a much better person today than in the past, energy, tingling or whatever the case may be.
At this point in your career, yes, lies and rumors can hurt you. But this long into your time...not likely. People remember, but you were cleared by the State and you were found not to be responsible for what occurred. You did the best you could in that circumstance and you survived it. I do not think that many would have done nearly as you did in terms of functionality and common sense and the actions that you took to help yourself. Yes, the nurses were a bunch of weak individuals who could not stand up for one of their own. Pitiful. But then again the doctors who really knew you, if they really knew you, would not have abandoned you and shunned you as they did.
You did really well in the past work situation. I was there for a lot of it and know what demons you fought emotionally and of self doubt. Do not allow them to gain a hold of you again. You have come too far for that. Steven
hi steve, still cant get website to work, posting response
hi for steve olsen
dr k told me his wife caught him young - before he was a dr or pre med, so shes prob or obviously also orthodox. im sure she was happy to have her 5 kids.. and frankly, dr k is very very good looking.. so i wouldnt have minded either. esp staying home. you can have 4 or 5 kids if you dont both work.
rob didnt say andrew doesnt have to be good looking, i did. andrew look at times alot like my dad, although my parents havent seemed to pick up on it. then again no one really even has seen this kid, so what do they know. my dad is not awful looking but a reg looking guy i think..
speaking of tmm. where is he? and i still think he shud buy me diamonds for christmas.
for time served. no im not kidding.
so steve wouldnt have liked the liz of a long time ago? hmm. maybe. maybe not. i was pretty well liked. i was popular for awhile too. all the guys seemed to like me and plenty told me to the side hey wanted me. so hey who said looks didnt count?
(or as i like to say to rob, hey who said crime doesnt pay. look at how stupid we are.. paying taxes. please)
ill take the loss of energy and numbness and tingling for my looks back. thx god.
steve next time you talk to the big guy tell him its all i want for christmas. i tried calling.. busy signal.
i guess thats how it i in medicine. youre out if youre out. i mean we had an anesthesiologist at my old place forget to hook someone undergoing a cholecystectomy to the vent for general anethesia. (ill never forget this pt.) and i knew her before it. she was in her 40s and pretty much an ok person. but she was rude agt times and very demanding about her surgeon. anyway dr z (just to not to confuse hime with other drs..) he is an ok surgeon - i know this. not excellent. but adequate. anyway, the pt and the family were screaming she wanted to go to the or and have her gallbladder out. i spoke personally to dr z on his cell i called out of desperation to try to appease these people. i called in front of them so they knew i did. and he said he wanted to let her gallbladder cool off (not be infected and inflamed) prior to surgery. i explained several times to them of course ot no avail. i told them surgery is not without risk and general anesthesia can kill you. and it does. well they kept pushing to go and dr z gave in. well the anesthesiologist not hooking her up to the vent made her a vegetable. i asked dr z what happened as i heard she wasnt hooked up and he said he heard the vent alarming but he doesnt know how to work a vent and anesthesia was there thruout and he wasnt concerned. i dont blame him honestly, although he blames himself for not sticking to hi sguns of not bringing that pt to surgery. i told him its not his fault it shudve been routine no matter what. which honestly it shud have been.
and heres the best part. the hosp didnt fire the anesthesiologist. the hosp, and both drs were individually sued of course.
so honest opinion. whos mistake was uh.. bigger? and i wouldnt agree with the dr getting fired.
oh and i went and told off soem people today. i got angry with the oil co b/c i called for emergency service b/c my boiler is making a noise. they said its not an emergency and they will send soemone in a week. i said well if my boiler has any damage or additional repair needed due to not addresing this immediately im sure im not going to be responsible. then the guy says oh and you already have an appt for the 19th so ill put them together. i said i dont have an appt for the 19th. so the guy looks on the computer and tells me my fill pipe is broken they couldnt deliver oil so the delivery person put in to make an appt. so i said ok so whats wrong with it? theh guy says i dont know he aid its broken. i said well no one notified me how do i knwo that its our house? he ays its your house. so i said well shouldnt soemone had lefta note, or notified me that they couldnt deliver the oil? what if we were low and we needed the oil already? its cold and i have an infant. i said plus what if the 19th is no good for me? the guy says wel, you wouldnt even need to be there. i said so its covered by the oil contract? so the guys says well it depends on if it can b repaired or if it needs to be replaced. but the guy would ask u 1st. i said oh really? cuz you just said i dont need to be there. so how could i sign?
so now wed i gotta deal with this crap. and get this - the time frame is 8am to 6pm. so i can just sit here all freaking day.
so since i was pissed, i called the stanley salesguy and smoked him.
and then for good measure i called thomasville and i spoke to the manager. so she said well were waiting for the factory to tell us what to do. i said uh i dont think theres a question of what to do. youre sending me a new wedge.
kate has been waking from a dead sleep crying - she appers t still be asleep. she will sit up and cry and have her eyes wide open, you can try to talk to her but shes obvious still asleep and shell go back to sleep with physical comfort she talks but you cant talk to her..
I will start looking for a young Jewish doctor for you, right away...just in case you need a back up plan. lol
I am sure Andrew is plenty good looking. I am just saying that boys are different and you just can't tell what they are going to look like based on baby appearance. If he looks like your father, that is good. Dad, although you have never described him as extremely good looking, is an average guy. It is not a bad thing for a male to be midrange in looks. If I recall, studies show that women like them even better (long term relationships) than others.
If Andrew takes after your dad, good. And, if he takes after dad in size, that is kind of cool as well. (Although knowing how teens can pack it away food wise you may need another job to keep up with the food bill when he hits 12.)
You want tmm to buy you diamonds? Well, just don't see that happening, although I agree you deserve it for how he has been. He is just so self centered that I doubt he sees you are in need of anything except to answer his occasional emails. Where is he indeed. My guess, you will get a message just before or just after Christmas.
You can ask God yourself for what you desire and need. He is interested in you, and likes you. Believing that might be hard for you, but it is true. And, I wasn't commenting on your appearance when I talked about the liz of years ago. I was referring to your character as I am sure you knew. I like how you have grown as a person, not how popular you were with others.
I am certain that many horribly unfair things happen to people in the medical system. Look at what happened to you! Even one mistake can make a legacy of a rusty halo for a person, and the only way to deal with that is to leave the hospital where the rusty halo was given. You did what you had to do in leaving. Yes, there are regrets and loss to that process, but it is amazing what you have been able to do...winning your State case and establishing yourself as a good nurse at this new hospital. (and don't fight me on that please because if you were not you would not be there.) You can always second guess yourself, but your life, in retrospect is not too bad at the moment with Rob and Kate and Andrew and two people with good jobs and a house that went through a hurricane and only lost a tree. Not bad for blessings if you ask me.
Sometimes you have to let out all the truth and just say what needs to be said. You had totally valid points on the heating oil issue. Totally. They were just trying to cover incompetence with excuses. Pitiful. And of course you should have been told they could not deliver because of a repair need. And what if your boiler goes and you have a baby in the house. You mean they do not have the option of subcontracting this out when they get busy? Please...bad excuse. Stanley and Thomasville...good for you. You spend a fortune and to not get what you paid for, that is crazy. They need to send you a new wedge, yesterday. This whole run around is just absurd.
Kate sounds like she is having mild night terrors. Her symptoms fit. These often occur right before or just in a growth spurt or physical change of some magnitude. HGH has been suggested as a causal factor. Unless these get more severe just let her go through the motions. She can't process what you are saying anyway and she will usually have no recall of the event in the morning, also a classical sign of the issue. Some kids just get this. It goes away in a few weeks on its own. Let me know if this happens more often than 5-7 times. Steven
luckily dr k and close enuff in age i prob wont need ob gyn by the time he decides to s top practicing...
as far as andrew needing to eat.. well i think him being almost 11lbs is enuff of a preview to how much trouble ill be in for not only growth - but like my brother who can eat 3 big macs as a snack. and my dad used to eat a pound of pasta by himself. so.. im sure this kid will eat. my husband can put it away too.
last night tmm sent me a text. it said this time of year always reminds me of you...
it reminds me of hi m too as we started our affair at the beginning of dec and christmas decorations were up and it was cold and lightly snowy and well romantic.
as far as kate, over the weekend she had more thna 5 to 7 epsiodes of the waking up and screaming, i feel like its the stress of the baby. yest she hurt hersef and rob was putting out garbage. she trotted crying past me as i was putting andrew down - n i said hes outside she said crying i need a hug. i said ok ill give u ahug. she said youll put andrew down and hug kate? i had already put him down just coincidentilly, but i told her i would always be available for hugs, but she was hysterical. i calmed her to get myself worked up as i feel awful that she doesnt feel like she can come to me. andrew on the other hand screamed for 9 hrs yest and i was besides myself by the end at 1230am. i had rob take kate to play at indoor bounce place and just pay for her to go, they did video games and bounced.. she came home excited and sweaty. after she ate her dinner (she refuseed too eat there..) and was a good girl all evening. shes been a little mischivious and robs been on her yelling ta her stop jumping on the couch and watch the baby etc. and i old him she feels betrayed and scared that youre being so mean to her. i tell her too, but i try to be nice and just reminding her of it. he said she doesnt listen to me and that s hy she keeps doing it. i told him this is all new and shes 2 and will make mistakes. of course that was all well and good til i was changing a huge poop diaper and she kicked me in my incision and i screamed at her that she hurt me (she really really did) and i had to clean her to get the poop off. she cried and cried and i felt awful for ending her nice day on that note at she was really tired and fell asleep - she woke last night a few times with the terrors like2 x but the night before it was several and shed be calm again for 10 min and youd think ok were good and shed be screaming again for 10 or 15 min.
meanwhile im so exhausted - andrew did fll asleep at 1230 and then got up at 4. i got up after taking some time to calm down myself so slept maybe 2 1/2 hrs or so, then he drank 1 oz of formula and fell asleep. i was wide awake and up at 6am when rob was leaving with 2 sleeping kids. i started to fall asleep when kate needed a milk bottle and andrew was fussing soem. and now today i have to try and see if i can get christmas cards done and do more stuff around here. itll never be good enought that im sure of. so far that seems to be the tone of this whole thing.
i still have presents to buy, and i have all of them to wrap. plus all this organizing. plus all the chritmas cards. and my hair hi lighted and to go to a party for his family on sun this weekend coming up. to waste a day leading to christmas. they always do that and im tired of it. it makes my deadline 2 days sooner b/c of it. (and i find them annoying) really annoying. they say and do the stupidest things. and theyre not even drunk.
oh and keeping with the theme of baseball movies i watched for the love of the game (yeah i dont know why..) and it was.. depressing. which is ex actly what i needed. more reasons to cry.
i was crying this am when rob was leaving and he said u shud be sleeping u have 2 sleeping kids and i said yeah i guess. i told him kates not bad, and he said i know and i said you know she cud tke it out on andrew b/c frankly everything was fine for her til he came n he said i know and she doesnt... i slept soem on and off this am, but i still feel beat.
like sleep all day beat
Are you still having trouble posting a new question?
Well, if Andrew keeps going as he is, and the trend of kids today is bigger than the previous generation; well, maybe he will be really a huge man. But if you have a three big mac snack brother...I have a feeling that Andrew might give him a run for the money when Andrew is in his teen years.
tmm and his constant manipulations. What does this man want? It appears he wants you back based on that extremely direct comment and emotional reference. Wow. He must have such a broken heart to have this level of infatuation. He is an obsessive one, but he is also enamored with you at a very emotional level as well. Wild.
It is hard to see. But Kate is moving to a new level of her life. It has begun. I feel for her as this time in her life is very hard emotionally. She has to adjust to so much in terms of attention and her new role. That stress can add to the triggering of night terror episodes, but it also (the night terrors) correlates pretty well with her age. In either case, unless this goes way out of bounds of what is normal this will pass on its own.
And do not worry that she is avoiding you or not seeing you as you had hoped. She is right in the middle of the years where her relationship with you is at a natural strain point. As she finds herself, her new role that will change. But for right now you have to deal with Andrew, and it just is not realistic that you can give her all the attention that she expects. Don't worry or feel guilty. This is how the malleable parts of her personality will form. Without an emotional crisis there will be no commitment of identity for her. She will grow through this stress and emotional difficulty. As long as you and Rob are giving her the attention and love that you are describing here, she will be fine. Honest.
Some days with two kids it seems as though you have ten. I though the transition from 1-2 kids was the most difficult and the screaming and sleep deprivation and everyone in the extended family wanting a piece of you is typical. There is a great motto for this time of life. It is the "it is good enough" motto. You have some fairly high expectations of yourself, and before you deny it...yes, you do. It is okay to allow some things to degrade as long as the family is intact. True, you may be nuts with highlights in your hair and parties with people who say ridiculous things, but shorten your time at these occasions (not the hair appointment, that is a good thing to do for yourself.) and so what if people think you are a little rude. If they do not get that you are fried and tired and too weary to deal, that is their fault, not yours.
You are now experiencing the exhaustion that your body really feels. You are in the emotional let down phase of birth. That is pretty much just as it should be. So long as you do some things to help your physical self, like sleep when the kids sleep you will get past this. Feeling beat...yes, that is not unusual. You have been through a physical and emotional war. It takes time to recover. Give yourself whatever you can to beg, borrow or steal to get that time. And, be good to you by lowering your expectations of what is a need vs a want. Steven
hi steve, i am still having a problem with the site. i tried with google chrome and internet explorer. i think i will have rob put in firefox to see if that will work. ive shut down and rebooted.. i honestly dont knwo what else to do. it was even giving me a hard time to accept an answer to pay you. then it wouldnt let me bonus so i had to restart it. it went thru weird but it went thru.
anyway i keep forgetting to tell u we went to lowes to get robs workbench and it sold out. but rob was excited and he said wait til spring to get it. ill watch for sales and ill surprise him. his bday is the end of feb, so i shud be able to do more by then...
my bro can and used to eat like there was going to be a starvation coming. hed eat 20 huge pancakes, crazy stuff. and he was skinny. but hes 6 ft 3 now. still shorter than my dad. and he was adameng hed be taller. but andrews projected height will only be 6 ft 1 or soemthing. not huge.
i started this post, and then made a mistake. not with the post. but tmm texted me again. i didnt ans yest but the comment had been on my mind. i feel he same - the time of yr and all. he said he missed me etc. n i couldnt stop myself when he texted that he missed me. i said sarcastically yeah sure. he said no it was true n we had a conversation. i old him ihad another baby n he told me his bro matt killed himself 10 yrs to the day his sis died (that funeral i told you about..) i felt bad b/c hes close to 2 of his bros. he has 4... and i was surprised as the 2 bros hes close to have strong personalities.
anyway nothing too flirty was said other than he thinks about me alot and misses me. i told him just cuz hes bored... he said hes not bored, but it went back n forth a little.
he also told me he has a 9 month old grandson. i dont know why i did it. i was partly mad and wanted to challenge him on it. part of it was like what already? like its 2 yrs i havent answered. if not more.
i guess part o me misses him too. or misses back then? i dont know.
either way i have to get back to cleaning up, otherwise well be really off schedule..
hi steve. just found out my old supervisor from my old hosp who actually argued for me in the nsg office with my error.. (she then wouldnt give me the reference b/c soemone else told her shed get in trouble..) shes in the icu dying from a massive stroke. i dont know but doubt shes awake. i texted back asking more about her, but havent received word. i feel awful. the 2 of us i rememebr used to really but heads when i was a new nurse, but we finally got accustomed to each other and really worked well together. she actually told my old manager she shudnt have been promoted i shud have been. (woops..)
last night he texted me late and he said some suggestive things, like how i like older men, i told him yes older, not senior citizens... and the banter went back and forth a few times, he told me hes not a senior citizen, and i told him hed never be able to keep up with me, he told me try me.. and of course i told him uh i just had ababy and he said is this you saying youre fat? i said no (yes..) i said its me saying i have sutures still. (i hate to show him a chink in the armor.. i mean i have been more vulnerbale to him previously of course over of us being together like 12 yrs, so i have confided in him in the past..
anyway he texted me again bright and early good morning but that wasit - which is fine with me..
meanwhile andrew screamed for about 5 hrs while i was writing christmas cards and kate was trying to sleep. finally nadrew went down at 1130pm.. and rob seemed pretty weary, he got kate who was asleep up to bed and at about 3am andrew woke up and i was taking care of him - he wasnt screaming but you know the feed me cuddle me change me and kate woke up screaming and crying and it went on about an hour with rob changing her, milk bottle, trying to calm her but she was hysterical. when i got andrew settled i went up to take over but kate wanted rob and he said it was fine. i felt bad as he had to get up at 5am to leave..
oh and rob fixed the shelf in the cabinet. he used his dremel and sanded it and the glass sits in the shelf appropriately. so im going to clean it all and start loading the top with stuff...
How is the computer issue? This is about the last post I can make on this thread as when it gets this long the posting process (at least for me) gets difficult and the moderators often ask that we start a new question. If you are having trouble the JA moderators can often get you in touch with a tech who can resolve the situation with you.
At least Rob is happy about the workbench, but it is bummer that it is sold out. What will you get him now? Or does he have to wait until his B-day?
Six foot one is still pretty big and those projected height things are crap, I am sorry, just crap. My girls according to projections were to be much different than the five feet three of the oldest and the even five foot of the middle one. I think medical science is good at many things but prognosticating the future height of children as babies...doubtful. Bet me Andrew turns out huge, like your father and Rob.
Tmm: You know my thoughts on him. I have to be up front and say that I trust you but then I will also say:
This contact door that has opened is not a good thing. I feel you would be better off closing it by not answering him again. He is a past love, but this relationship needs to stay in the past and bringing this in any way into the "now" may not seem like much, but it has issues that come with it. And the missing the romantic feel of the season and all of the other feelings you mention, bluntly said, this may not be good. Trust me on this please. Kill this contact with him. He now has a symbolic foot in the door and you know some details of his life that you did not...things that will not help you in the life you have created apart from him. Let this go. You do not need to talk with him by email or any other means. Next he will want to talk with you by phone, then see you. I can see it coming. Not immediately, but it will occur. He is relentless and obsessed and he comes with problems that you do not need.
It is normal to miss romance and the feeling of the season that comes with it. And where you are right now in your life is not romantic or filled with those kinds of memories. It is all work and stress. It is pretty common to feel as you do in both nostalgia and that sad melancholy missing of what was...but leave the door shut. I try not to be this blunt but I really have alarm bells go off when he is able to contact you as he has...and look how fast he got flirty with you.
I am sorry to hear about your previous supervisor. She sounds like she really did care about you and tried to help you. That is horrible that she is so ill. You must feel really sad about this.
Well, can't fault Rob for wanting to get the shelf done. Dremel tool or not the factory should never have allowed this to occur. It is a shame he had to do it himself. Did you hear anything about the wedge and chairs?
I do know what it is like to have kids scream and scream, one after the other. It is so wearing. I recall being little more than a zombie at this time in my own life. I see that your stress is not simple or easy now either. Any way you can get a little break with family. (I know that opens a whole pile of issues, but I just thought I would ask.) Steven
ok i posted a new question.
hi steve. now just answer locked my new question. im on the phone with customer service trying to get it unlocked. they say the question is a duplicate. my god already.
ok the guy saying its unlocked now.
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