Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health

My wife is 37 years old. We have been married for 10 Years.

Customer Question
My wife is 37 years...
My wife is 37 years old. We have been married for 10 Years. She is an extrovert. She come from a large family. Originally from the middle east. When we got married i completerd my surgical residency and moved to a small town. Lots of people of the same ethnic background but older generation. We managed to ravel and go out of town. Things were well. She felt homesick but manageable.
We had a little boy 6 yrs ago. Things been rough. Wife had tough time adapting to life in the US as a mom. We moved to a new city purchased a house etc - i kept commuting thing did not work well. two years ago moved again to a new area larger city better weather - rented a house for six months - made geat friends - then purchased a house and wife started having problems - the community we moved in - on a golf course - lots of snobs - joined the country club etc - wife plays tennis - had multiple very negative interactions. He does not feel she belongs. She blames thing on the people made several friends but not in our neighberhood. My wife is a house wife - she has 2 masters in business. I still kept of original practice - i commute. She wants to move to another neighberhood, or go back to her country, she does not feel she belongs. Also, me being away 2 nigths a week creates anxiety - I need help and some suggestions.
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 13 minutes by:
12/3/2012
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Verified

Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.


Do you agree with her that this is not a good social circle? Or do you think the problem is within her?

Would going to work and being in the workplace help her to feel more involved in life and in the US?

Is your being away 2 nights a problem between you? Is it something you can change or not?

In general, you seem to have moved a lot to try to accommodate her but it hasn't helped. Do you think there is some problem going on or is the culture in the US not right for her?

Has she had any psychotherapy?

Is she getting any treatment right now? If so, what type? How is it going?

If not, when was the last treatment? What type of treatment was it? Was it helpful?

Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.


Dr. Mark

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

The town we moved to is charlott, nc it is the south - there is some prejudice and ethnocentrism - but to me it is tolerable. She is very sensitive to this issue - you have snobs and racist people anywhere in the world. My wife derives her self esteem from interactions from others and their opinion of her make very strong impact

My wife never worked in the US - i do not thing she is psychologically capable - will creat new set of issues, Considered opening a business but then if we do not resolve the pshych issues , we create bigger problems

I have a successful surgical practice. I fly to work. I take wed off and trying to establish a practice in charlotte but need about 12 months

She had binge eating disorder - she tried therapy via skype - was very good - she resolved that issue - also she had a Lap band procedure that helped her - that restored her self image

He is on anitidepresent - she refuses psychotherapy - claiming the cultural differences makes the therapy ineffective

My wife suffers from low self esteem - and she is very extrovert she loves people - she makes friends etc - she have high expectations and then gets dissapointed - a

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago

Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly trying to make the best life you can for your family. And you are accepting of the fact that in order to do that there are trade-offs: some things are good, some bad. Some are fun, some not. Some are fair, some not. You accept that.

Your wife doesn't live that way. She's much more intense and has to have things go well to feel well. And, of course, they aren't going well all the time. And she's not accepting of the trade-offs like you are.

Therefore, the most important thing is for her to feel like you're on her side. That you see how things are tough for her. You will need to "swallow" your realistic view and be supportive when she complains and wails about how mean and cruel and racist everyone here is. In other words, rather than trying to calm her down and make her see it's not so bad, you're going to need to tell her she's right and how brave she is to put up with it.

This is not going to work all the time, but it will help a lot. So that's the first thing. This is very important. And it's also important that you're moving your practice slowly so you can be there to reinforce for her that her culture is good and that the culture here is not fair, etc.

Second, given that you're doing well, you need to have her visit her family often. I have worked with people from the Middle East with large families and often it is very explosive. Visits can be very stressful. But they tend to thrive on that stress and explosiveness. And again, as long as you take her side, that will be good. It will help her remember in herself (even if she doesn't admit it) why she doesn't want to live back home. And why it's better here.

A third strategy is if you can get her to volunteer. That is not as pressurized as being in the work force. She may begin to feel better about herself without needing you to reinforce her sense of worth so much. Perhaps in your son's school. Or in some other activity. Joining a support group for people with lap bands may be a social outlet as well.

The idea here is counterintuitive in terms of your attitude. You need to NOT try to calm her down. Rather, you need to keep supporting her view of things. That will calm her down and make her feel not so all alone.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, ***** *****

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

are u aware of any therapy sessions that can be done online like the one she had for her eating disorder.

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago
Hi, I may be away until this evening before you reply, but I want to make sure I give you the best answer for this question that I can rather than a generic answer:

First, there was the issue, I thought, about cultural competency. It would need to be someone who she would be willing to work with and she seems unwilling to work with an American therapist, right?

Second, it depends what issues are going to be worked on. I work via Skype, for example, in therapy. But there are certain types of problems that aren't a good idea to work on without a more intensive therapy model.

If I'm away, I'll reply this evening, okay?

Dr. Mark
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist replied 5 years ago

Hi. I see you haven't responded yet to my answer. I would be very interested in hearing back from you on whether you thought my response was on target or if we need to continue with further clarification. My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons.

Let me know,

Dr. Mark

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Ask Dr. Mark Your Own Question
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,334
5,334 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice

Dr. Mark is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I'm a Bipolar 36 year-old male with severe anxiety and
I'm a Bipolar 36 year-old male with severe anxiety and depression. What is the best anxiety medicine I should be taken? I've taken Clonazepam for 8 years and it no longer helps. Would another drug lik… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,675 satisfied customers
I was diagnosed with social anxiety by my psychiatrist at 16
Hi Dr. Wilson, I was diagnosed with social anxiety by my psychiatrist at 16 years old. Fast forward 6 years, and I feel like I am still struggling. I am always nervous when it comes to social engageme… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with
Second opinion] Hi. I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with my eyes. Is this possible? Sometimes feel things are moving when there not etc. Thank you… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
My adult daughter is struggling tremendously with anxiety
My adult daughter is struggling tremendously with anxiety and depression. She is on prozac but it's not helping that much. What is the best way to treat depression and anxiety in your opinion. She doe… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with
Hi. I have anxiety and recently think it is playing tricks with my eyes. Is this possible? Sometimes feel things are moving when there not etc. Thank you… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,675 satisfied customers
I've been taking Prozac and Buspar for some anxiety and
I've been taking Prozac and Buspar for some anxiety and depression. My therapist just added Abilify to help with some lingering depression. At first she was going to add Wellbutrin but decided on Abil… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
I have issues with anxiety. I meet with a behavioral
I have issues with anxiety. I meet with a behavioral therapist and have practices to help with my anxiety, but I'm feeling super anxious with some current ongoing stress that may continue for the next… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
Various diagnosis since 2010; generalized anxiety was the
Various diagnosis since 2010; generalized anxiety was the most popular. PTSD diagnosis in 2016 because of a loss of a child in 2009 as well as the end of my 10 year relationship in 2013. Possible re t… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
Is this a paid service? History of depression and anxiety.
Past 8 months. Relationship problems make it worse.… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
OKMH124211 What is the vest way to prevent anxiety, gain
OKMH124211 What is the vest way to prevent anxiety, gain more self confidence and get rid of tmj syndrome-sometimes teeth grinding affects night into daytime as a bad habit?… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I feel stressed, I don't know if my stress levels are normal
Hello , I feel stressed , I don't know if my stress levels are normal or do I need to seek medical help … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks that
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks that I treat and keep managed with BCT, exercise, eating a well balanced diet, and breathing exercises. For the most part this works well. This p… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset
Can stress in the workplace cause indigestion, stomach upset and bloating? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
764 satisfied customers
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work hours
I have a new job. It's highly stressful and I work long hours sometimes 15 a day. I'm starting to have what I think are panic stacks. What do I do? … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks at
I have generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks at times. For the most part I have improved a great deal through BCT and other lifestyle changes. I had it terrible after I quit smoking for abou… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
793 satisfied customers
I would like to know if it is possible for anxiety to cause
Hello,I would like to know if it is possible for anxiety to cause bladderproblems like urinary retention and bladder overactivity. Like if you fear it and you are constantly conscious regarding it, it… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I've had anxiety due to trauma... I've had anxiety due to
Hello, I've had anxiety due to trauma... Hello, I've had anxiety due to trauma in the city I lived in, I moved out to a different city, I accidentally spoke to somebody associated with the trauma , in… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
3,981 satisfied customers
I I have extreme anxiety especially social anxiety I over
I I have extreme anxiety especially social anxiety I over worry about everything and I have PTSD from being stabbed and assaulted I've been prescribed Xanax for years and I got up to 2 mg which was wo… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
3,981 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x