I am a professional, married man with a lovely family. My wife cares a lot for me and does attempts to her level best to help me whenever i am in a dilemma or problem. Since January this year, I have been seeing someone and over the month I have realised that I am deeply in love with her. I knew that she loved me too. Before I held her hand, went out with her or even kiss her, I told her that I am a married man with children, as I did
not want to base a relationship on lies. However, somehow, I started to lie to her in order not to make her upset, for example, I went to a meeting and the family came along with me. She had asked me if I was going on my own, and I said yes, as I knew if I said that the whole family is coming, then she would be very upset and angry. I did not now want her to be upset. Anyhow, this gradually became worse. One lie led to another and so on. I never used to lie in the past. I hated people who would lie, and somehow, I have become one of them. I become so much engross with her, I knew I am madly in love with her, and was thinking of spending the rest of my life with her. Indeed my wife at home, became aware of my relationship. I told her that I am in love with this person. But I am not strong enough to leave my children and move out. I also knew that despite, I am in love with this person, (and I know it's not infatuation, I just happen to love to people for real), I also like my wife and would not want to hurt or leave her. Though I have hurt her so many times emotionally and I am to blame for all of it. Needless, to say, we had had several disputes and arguments at home. I continued to see this person, as I really missed her. I have attempted to leave her, as I was not making onyones happy and life had become so miserable. Then she would call or text me with different pretext and i know that she was missing me too. So one of the problem is that I have lied so much to both of them, and I am so upset and sorry about it. I knew that was very bad, but I only did it, as not to make anyone of them sad
, though i knew that in a few days time, the really be be known somehow.
Now she hates me (I presume so, or she may just be angry as she has kept telling me not to lie).
The other problem is that I cannot keep my eyes off beatiful ladies/girls. It has been a problem for me since a young man. So often, I would approach them, asking out for a drink or a chat. I have been been emotionally involved with them, as i was merely an attraction. Once or twice, this has lead me into problems at my place of work. But I just can't stop myself from approaching them. I am aware this is wrong, but for whatever reason, I just can't stop looking at them or sometimes approaching them.I do not know that if deep down every man feels like that, but i guess, may be not, and mine is pathological. But one thing for sure, this one, i really love her a lot, despite that the fact that, I have realised that she is not without any fault herself. Despite that, I love her and I want to keep her at the back of my mind, as I cannot forget her, but I want to carry on my life, with my wife and children. mainly because I do not want my children to grow up in a family without a dad. I love my children very much.
Do I need help from a psychologist or a psychiatrist. What do I do with my obsession of looking and approaching woman. I have hurt 2 people with my lies and I am very ashamed of myself. (I am someone who preached morality and I have lied myself). I have hurt the feelings of 2 people who clearly cared and loved for me. I genuinely am in love with 2 woman, though I have realised that I love (as a husband to wife) my new woman and care for my wife (and have less husband to wife feeling) a lot. she wife has asked for the this love to be brought back to her if I want to stay with her and I guess I will stuggle with that. I believe because I have love my wife because she is nice, very intelligent and beautiful (but slightly less so). In my eyes, intelligence overrides beauty, but over the years, I have realised that I also need beauty to have a proper husband to wife relationship. could you please help.