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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I'm 29, married 9 years, happily. We are a perfect match

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I'm 29, married 9 years, happily. We are a perfect match other than our extremely bland sex life. Since the very beginning I have been disinterested in sex. Every once in a while I will get into enough to have really good sex, but it just seems like so much work that happens maybe once or twice a year. I get irritated if my husband tries foreplay, normally we just get right to it, per my request.
I don't really feel like I'm missing much, I just don't have the drive for it. But recently I've been feeling really selfish. I want my husband to experience good sex regularly, he shouldn't have to go through life without it.
I guess my question is what can I do to turn my libido on?
Extra info: I don't have a problem reaching orgasm, I don't have any religious baggage or experienced sexual abuse, I had sex a handful of times before my husband with one partner, he was a virgin.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You do have an unusual situation for a young woman, and it you want to have a better sex life with your husband, then you will have to do some more work.

According to many researchers, eating healthy food and participating in a regular exercise program are more effective and dependable then aphrodisiacs. The best way to enhance your libido, which you have already found by the erotic stimulation of your own imagination.

I don't usually recommend pornography, but in your situation I believe it might help very much to stimulate you into heightening your arousal, along with the erotic material that you also use.

You mentioned that you like to get straight into the sex act, and don't go in for foreplay.

However, stimulation or of your erogenous zones (nipples, clitoris, G-spot in particular). You must be open to trying new experiences.

There have been studies that testosterone treatments for women can significantly increase your sexual satisfaction.

If I were in your position I would fine a certified professional sex therapist, one who also has a mental health license as well. They can be of tremendous value. That is their specialty.

Best way to find one is to go to the following website:

AASECT - Member Directory

Open this site, and then when you see the map, click on your state and a list of therapists will pop up. Read through them carefully and choose someone that you and your husband can see together.

This is my best advice for you now. Please do not hesitate to get back to me for further questions or follow up.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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