Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. You are clearly having a difficult time making the transition from this therapist to your next therapist. And the reason is not difficult to spot; you write the reason yourself: the therapy itself has been for abandonment issues.
And so intellectually you know this was not an abandonment situation. You, in fact, have gone to great lengths to describe to me why he needed to discontinue the therapy relationship with you.
But in your emotional self, this is indeed another abandonment in your life. And it is very difficult for you to deal with it. In therapeutic terms, the situation is called transference.
Transference is not uncommon. In fact, in many forms of psychotherapy, especially psychodynamic psychotherapies, transference is worked with as a very important aspect of the treatment of the problem. It is PURPOSELY brought into the therapy session. So not only should you not be embarrassed to bring it up with your next therapist, the therapist would ENCOURAGE you to bring it up and to work on it. In other words, as you move on now to your next therapist and move forward in your work toward healing from the sexual abuse, this will be the first thing you work on with the next therapist.
This brings us back to the question of why would transference be encouraged in psychodynamic therapy. And as we said, BECAUSE when you become AWARE of your transference, it means you are starting to bring into conscious awareness some of the parts of the upbringing you needed but didn't get and are ready to reprocess some of those things that were messed up. Or parts of your past experiences that weren't processed properly that are now ready to be reprocessed. A trained therapist can use this to work on that developmental gain you are perhaps ready to make and help you bring it out.
What I very much want you to take from what I've said to you above is this: I haven't focused on your trying NOT to feel the sense of loss because of the end of this relationship with your therapist. Rather, I'm focusing on how you need to move forward. Yes, you're feeling loss; but you know that this is part of the problems you've been dealing with in therapy itself. Therefore, I'm focusing much more on how to now find a new therapist and to bring in the feelings you have, the transference I discussed above, into the new therapy. Because that's what is so important here. And because this is how you will make the relationship with your therapist properly become part of your past, a healthy part of your past.
Here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory if you need help finding a new therapist. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (because they seem smart and not so easily manipulatable!) look at the listing and see if they list psychodynamic therapy in their orientations.
Good Therapy is a non profit directory. Same idea as the one above:
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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