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Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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my wife can only give black and white answers of divorce desruction

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my wife can only give black and white answers of divorce desruction chaos in our marriage i love her dearly and have been trying so hard to save our marriage and all she does is destroy?

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about what has happened in your marriage-

Bill :

Are you available to chat now?

Bill :

In reading what you have written, and rely on my 35 years of experience of working with couple, it appears that your wife has little or no interest in working on the relationship and has thus detached herself in a way where she is only being more and more provocative to achieve whatever secondary gains she may have in mind toward ending this marriage.

Bill :

First and foremost- you have to keep in mind that the only person you have control over is yourself and although this is a time where you feel devastated and want the marriage to continue- if there is no motivation on her part, you are going to have to seek some counseling for yourself to sort out YOUR path and direction at this very difficult time.

Bill :

There are never any concrete answers to all of the WHY question you have as each person is as unique as every relationship.

Bill :

I am going to give you a link with some excellent, detailed information on infidelity and recognizing traits that signal the end of relationship. This will help you learn but it won't end the pain. This is a difficult process and as above, one in which you may need professional counseling to help resolve.

Bill :

Qualities of success vs unsuccessful marriages:

Bill :

If you have additional questions, feel free to ask- I am happy to help at this difficult time.

Bill :

Kindest regards, Bill

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

We have two young children a business which caused the death of the marriage I love her with all my heart even through this period of hatred anger violence on her part she is unable to talk about the problems and is still continuing an inappropriate relationship which really hurts me she says he is a friend only but they did have sexual contact sux months ago we are in counciling but she two weeks ago said she wants seperation and she is really opposite to who she was we did a test for obsessive compulsive personality disorder on the Internet it turned out she was narcissistic dependant skitzapal histrionic I am trying to get her to go to a professional physiatrist one min she is goin next she is not she gives out confusing messages of I am trying I am not trying I am divorcing do you think a physiatrist could make her see what she is doing and treat her do you think she has a mentall issue?

It is clear to me that your wife has personality and/or other Psychiatric issues.

She would benefit from Psychiatric assistance, but in reading what you write, it is unlikely that she is going to follow through with seeing a Psychiatrist. No Psychiatrist on earth can effect change if the patient is not motivated to change and committed to the treatment process.

If she has a Personality Disorder (which is sounds as she does) they are very difficult to treat and a person has be motivated to change. Unfortunately, I do not see this here.

As I suggested above, you are going to have to make some choices about what you have control of and that is YOU. You cannot fix your wife if she is not willing to change.

Again, I would encourage you to talk to a counselor individually to get some help and support in determining difficult choices that you may have to make regarding this.

I wish there was a magic wand to effect the change you desire - there isn't and this is what you have to come to accept for yourself and the welfare of your children.

The following link addressed Personality Disorders in Depth.....There is also a support forum for persons (like you ) that are involved/married to someone with a Personality Disorder. I trust it will help.

I wish you the very best with this most difficult issue.

Kindest regards,

Please leave positive rating so that I receive credit for my time.

Thank you.
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