Hi I have been married for 40 years to my husband, Rob. I have two children, a son from a previous partner and a daughter, Rob's child. My children are now grown up and living on their own.
i married Rob when my son, Charl was one year old. Throughout the years, when the children were growing up, Rob first emotionally and verbally abused me and then started turning his anger outbursts towards Charl. Calling him names, being harsh, shouting at him, and generally having the most horrendous anger outbursts. I would plead with him to stop. He would be remorseful, be gushy for a while and then the whole cycle would start again.
Our daughter Michelle on the other hand, was completely smothered and over-protected.
Today we all suffer from the years of abuse. Charl is well educated and work as Head of English in India, but he suffers from depression, Panick attacks and is a heavy drinker.
Michelle had to watch her brother being abused while she was the favourite. This created guilt feelings in her. It has taken her years to shake this off.
I have absolutely no love for Rob. I am angry with myself for being in denial for so many years, just kept on hoping matters would improve but it never did
I also carry so much anger in me towards Rob.
Today Rpb and I live like housemates in the same house, but dont connect emotionally at all. This is a very lonely existence for me. I have mentioned a divorce or trial separaton but it makes him go into fits of rage and threats of suicide. He goes into his bedroom, closes the door and threatens to shoot himself! My family are right behind me, encouraging me to leave him after all the years of abuse.
He still has anger outbursts and becomes verbally abusive.
Something else that worries me is that he does not like animals. He once hit one of our (old) dogs with a broom, for barking too much, and broke its ribs. This took place in front of my little 11 year old grandson, who has never forgotten or forgiven his grandpa
for hitting his favourite pet.
Rob is so kind to people, but has a very cruel streak in him. He has been to see a counselller once or twice but did not bother to continue with his treatment. He went to see the councellor after I separated from him for a couple of weeks, last year. This was the first time I had ever left him. He got such a fright and decided to go for councilling as his moods had become impossible to live with.
I find his anger outbursts worsens with the intake of alcohol. He has never been a heavy drinker, but for the last couple of years he has had a few glasses of wine in the evenings and these have made his aggression worse.
The counceller hinted at him being an OCPD and he seems to agree. I have read up on the symptoms of OCPD and it is exactly like Rob.
I yearn for someone to love and living with Rob as a housemate is very lonely.
I would love to walk out of this marriage, but after 40 years this will require a lot of courage. The thought of living on my own at the age of 62 is rather scary. Trying to improve my marriage is fruitless. I have a choice. Stay with my "Housemate" or leave.
Please give me your advice on this. Many thanks. Karen