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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my wife just had her tubes tied, 2 days before the surgery

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my wife just had her tubes tied, 2 days before the surgery i asked her to wait,because i was having doubts. She said it was too late it was already scheduled.So i did what any good husband would do and took her and helped her. but now i am so lost and feel like a part of me died,im having awful visions and thoughts,i havent eaten or slept in days. what can i do?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you needed more time to decide if your wife having her tubes tied was ok for you. Having them tied means the end of having children and that can be more traumatic for some people than they realize.

Also, it could be that you expected your wife to listen to you and she decided to go ahead with the surgery against of your feelings about it. That can sometimes hurt more than you expected it to.

Either way, it sounds like from your symptoms that you may have developed a depression reaction or you may be grieving. You mentioned that you already tried talking with your wife about this but it doesn't sound like it is helping you to feel any better. In that case, you may need to talk to a therapist. Your reaction to the situation may be bringing up some past issues for you or they are causing you to grieve the loss of having other children (or any children). When you experience such a strong reaction to a situation, that usually indicates that there is more behind it than is obvious.

To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at

You can also learn more about depression and the grieving process to see if the symptoms fit what you are feeling. Here are some resources to help you get started:

I hope this has helped you,
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