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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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My boyfriend of 1 year owns a rental house with his ex-wife.

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My boyfriend of 1 year owns a rental house with his ex-wife. Actually, it is all his money tied in it but she supposedly "manages" it. Anyway, it keeps them, in my and others' opinion, "tied" together. She has a bf who she is supposedly happy with. Bot***** *****ne, they have to communicate about the house and it gets emotional at times like when tenants didn't pay rent and made a huge mess of the house before getting evicted. She requires emotional support from him during issues with this house. So, what bothers me in addition to this is that she communicates with him when his aunt passed away and everyday, sometimes all day, when he had prostate surgery, when her boy got a car, got a job, when she sold her car, when she's struggling with a home project like painting or plumbing - it seems like there are frequently excuses for her to engage with him and he thinks it is all above-board, she's not playing any games, etc. (she's quite well known to be manipulative and he not see it). He recently told me that he intends to be friends with her. I didn't like it and suggested that we all be friends. He agreed not to communicate daily; but, I know this is only until the next time. Is this acceptable behavior, am I just insecure? Should I accept this connection

This relationship may be crossing your boundaries and that is making you insecure. It actually would be surprising if you weren't a little insecure. You just have to make your wishes known and be reasonable in how you deliver your message. If he is a supportive partner he will find a compromise that works for both of you. You can tell him that his promise seems very transparent considering that situations will continue to arise. You have to find as a couple firm boundaries to deal with this situation and not feel like you are overstepping your boundaries. It is okay to need him to compromise. This situational should be as comfortable for you as it can be. He may also be hiding awkwardness on his end but doesn't want to admit it. This situation may be exacerbating your other issues. I would step up the communication that you have as a couple. This may mean finding new resources that help you avoid communication pitfalls. Use this situation to accomplish that and then everything else will be trivial.

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