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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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We have been married for 48 years, I discovered my husband

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We have been married for 48 years, I discovered my husband was calling and receiving calls from a married women secretly, when I discovered and confronted him he said we are just friends, he continues to deny that it is an affair because there was no sex involved, I am terrible hurt and I cannot get pass the fact that he even asked this women for her phone number, he continues to say that I am blowing it out of proportion, when I discovered the phone calls and confronted her she threw him under the bus, her husband of coarse was very upset, the phone calls stopped, I feel betrayed, and can't trust him anymore, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man and now I don't think I can. Please help is this considered an affair or not.

You are experiencing the result of betrayal and this can be quite difficult. What he did is what we in this field call an emotional affair. This is just as devastating as an actual affair because trust is damaged beyond repair unless this is addressed. I would strongly urge you to see a marriage counselor with him so that you can be heard. Sometimes the partner's needs are over and above your own and this causes you to not find closure. This will also give you an idea if he is truly willing to resolve this. You can't ignore something and hope it goes away and he needs to understand that. Something causes a man to look elsewhere and he needs to recognize what this is. Find an outlet to be heard and go on from there. Although you have done this before problems arise and they have to be addressed. There is never too much help. You can also use letter writing to let him know how hurt you are.

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