How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband is abusive in all ways phyisically, mentally,

This answer was rated:

my husband is abusive in all ways phyisically, mentally, sexually everyway the only difference from all the other comments i have read is that the man is sorry well mine isnt he said that if i would behave he wouldnt have to treat me that way or if i would shut up he wouldnt have to hit me he invites guys over to our house to have their way with me while he watches he said he likes it to degrade me, then he kicks me out to be with younger women he is now alone again after only 4 months of going out with other women (he cheated through our whole relationship anyway) he has only gotten jeoulous a few times we have ben together 7 years i was wondering how he can be so heartless and says he loves me but i am a f**k up and he does what he does to put up with me i have donw everything to make him happy so he wont abuse but nothing works 1. why does he not feel any remorse for what he does and 2 why do i wnat to be with him so much (i know i dont want to but i cant help it and do what is wrong with me also
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You husband is a malignant narcissist. That means that he has an extreme form of personality disorder who thinks he is better than others, has no conscience, cannot control his behavior, and takes pleasure from his cruelty and sadism. He has no feelings at all for you or anyone else. If he says something nice to you, he is lying.

He is not like most other people. To say that he has no soul really hits the nail on the head. He is someone that you should not be around anymore. He is destroying your life and has taken you over completely. Right now he owns you and his is destroying your soul as well.

I understand that he controls you by making you deathly afraid of him. You can put a stop to him by getting an order of protection against him and having him thrown out of your house. He will not be allowed to come around you or contact you and if he does he will go to jail.

You can have him arrested for assault and battery or for rape and sodomy for what he does to you and what he allows others to do to you. You can also have them arrested and charged with rape.

These are horrible crimes being committed against you and you must stop him.

The first thing you should do is to call a rape crisis center. It is anonymous and you will speak to someone who can help you and guide you towards getting your life back.

Your case is one of the most abusive and horrible ones that I have heard of. A man as mentally as he is is a danger to your life and you MUST get away.

Call these numbers and you will get all the help that you need to end this nightmare.

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE(###) ###-####



National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE (1.***-***-****)

website is

I know this is hard for you. Call either or both of these numbers and you will get advised and protected right away. Knowledge is protection.

Please stay safe. God bless you. My prayers are with you.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

my age was wrong i am 50 he is 58 i dont knwo if that matters he has already kicked me out of the house already and he has proven over and over that protective orders dont stop anything it only angers him more, he does things still even though i dont live there he says i am his forever. is this true or will he eventually leave me alone, i am to afraid to call the cops becausse when he does find me it is ten times worse, he is always getting off i dont know how he keeps getting misdemeaners. and could you please tell me why i am so sad and want to go back with him i dont understand myself who in there right frame of mind wants someone like that in there life but i just cant seem to talk myself out of it i dont get it and it is driving me crazy

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i will gladly pay you for your extra answeres i am at the point where i just dont know what to do how to make myself not go back and i didnt know you can charge your own husband for rape anyway if you could help me with the second part of the 1st answer i would appreciate it thank you Yvonne

Dear Yvonne.

Let me do my best to help you. You are so afraid of this man that you are paralyzed with fear.

I gave you two telephone numbers that you must call and get information and support. Just to have some nice women who have been through experiences like you have been, will help you get your courage back.

Please call them and get some support and comfort from them. They can also provide you with information and even a safe place to live.

If you have an order of protection to prove that your husband is not allowed to be with you and he rapes you, than you immediately call the police, or go to the emergency room of a hospital. Do not bathe or clean up. A special police woman or assigned nurse will take samples to get DNA evidence and it will be used in court. If he raped you then he will be convicted. A husband cannot force his wife to have sex any more than he can force a stranger. This is rape.

If he makes you have sex with other men, you can do the same. Don't clean yourself. Call the police and they can be charged and convicted of rape. Don't tell your husband what you are going to do or he will make you bathe and destroy the evidence.

You are suffering from trauma and depression and that is why you are so sad. Get this monster out of your life and you will eventually recover.

When you leave or call the police he probably becomes more threatening and manipulative and it makes you more afraid and harder for you to leave, or forces you to go back to him.

If he has a restraining order on him and he breaks it, it is the legal duty of the police to enforce that order. If you have had problems before, or wish to make sure that it works, go to talk to your local county or district attorney, the one who works for your city, statel, or county, the one that prosecutes criminals in court, and explain to her or him about your situation and say that you are afraid for you safety and life and want to make sure that you are protected.

After all of the abuse you have suffered, you self-esteem is so crushed that you no longer have the confidence to stay independent of your abuser. Perhaps you are dependent on him for financial support or affordable housing, and feel that you must return to this relationship because you have no other support.

Some women get no support from family or friends, or even get blamed for their own troubles, or are told you must not get a divorce. They don't know. They aren't raped and battered.

Some women return to abusive relationships because the feel sorry for the ones who are hurting them. If they don't threaten the women, they lie and tell them that they love or need them and cannot live without them. These are all lies of a dangerous criminal. Yes, he is a dangerous criminal and belongs in jail. That might not happen, but you must get away from him forever.

Statistically, the typical abused women leavers her abuser 7 or 8 times before she stays away for good. Like you, most victims often exist in a state of confusion, fear, and terrible sadness. To make the permanent break you need support from the organizations that I gave you contact information to. With their support, you will be able to leave this terrible situation and never look back.

Remember, he is a sociopath and has absolutely no feelings for you. He is a cruel sadist. You are sad and confused because you have been so traumatized. You can get away and you MUST get away.

Please get help.

Call both of these organizations:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (###) ###-####



National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE (1.***-***-****)

website is

Call your local prosecuting attorney (district attorney, county attorney) and make an appointment to see him or her and tell him about what your husband does to youl Tell him about his low-life friends who also rape you. Name names. Put this to a stop. Get an order of protection and make sure that it is divorced.

You must defend yourself any and every way that you can.

I wish you the courage to take action and overcome the fear. Make those calls and get a boost in your confidence. That is what they are there for.

I will keep you in my prayers. Ask God for strength as well. You must resist this Evil.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Related Mental Health Questions