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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have moved to a different country with my second husband (

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I have moved to a different country with my second husband ( of 15 years) I feel extremely guilty about being so far away from my adult son ( he's 31..single) He recently was sick and I wasn't there....where should my loyalties lie?

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Dear Arlene,

This is a difficult and unfortunate situation. This was an marriage that has existed since you son was about 16 years of age. Your new residence I assume is more recent. Nevertheless, your son is long out of the nest, i assume, and is unfortunately not near you.

You committed to your husband long ago to make a life with him, and unfortunately you are far away, but not impossibly so.

This risk was undertaken when you left the country. You did not abandon him, but just moved inconveniently away.

Your loyalties are not either/or, hopefully. You are loyal to both your husband and your son. You can never abandon being a mother.

You never stated that you couldn't go to your son when he was ill, or right now if need be. I assume that your husband is not prohibiting you from going and does not forbid you from going.

If this is the case, and he does not allow you, then your loyalty should be with your son, for no spouse should try to separate a parent from their child(ren).

If your son is better and can get along without your help, then you have been blessed with good fortune. If he is still ill and needs you, then your loyalties should be with your son and your husband should encourage and support you. Anything less is unconscionalble and unacceptable.

I wish you and your family great fortune and urge you to follow your heart. Your heart will always guide you to do what is right.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Dear Arlene,

Thank you so very much. I wish your family good health and prosperity.