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Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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My grandson continues to cry when his mother leaves for

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My grandson continues to cry when his mother leaves for work. His father works in the home, and he also cries when his father has to go upstairs to work.
He screams at me, and locks himself in a closet as he cries uncontrollably.
i use a kind voice when I am talking with him. I told his mother that I wish that I could him to self soothe himself. She said that he will get over it!
Yesterday, I took him to Macy's with me while I bought some socks. I told him that he had to stay with me. Of course, he ran, and I couldn't find him.
I immediately as for security assistance. They found him in a chair at the other end of the store. I know that the last time that I asked for your help, you asked me if I cold hang in there with him. I said,"yes" but I don't think that I can. When his mother leaves, she leaves quickly, so he won't know that she left.
Today, I hurt all over- my knees, neck, and lower back. I want to tell his parents that maybe someone else maybe can help him more than I can.Help?
Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I can try and assist you. Welcome! Thank you for your post.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I notice you had been working with "Ask Eleanor", did you want to wait for her to be available to assist you?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The situation you describe sounds very challenging. You must be torn between being that direct caregiver for your grandchildren, and removing yourself from the conflict you describe. In addition to the conflict in the family you sound like you are in pain-hard to keep up with the little guy! That is frightening when a child runs off when you are in a large store. You did the right thing in asking for help from security- thank goodness it turned out okay. Are you wondering if this is more than you can realistically manage?


Yes, I do think that this is more than I can realistically handle

Jean and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
It's a difficult thing in such situations. You have to take care of yourself. If there is tremendous stress and conflict, and you are not getting the support you need, it is wearing you down. You are the grandmother and as the grandmother you want the interaction to be much more carefree, relaxed, and positive. If you are warn out, stressed out, not so sure you are up to the task of being anything to anyone.

The challenges you describe sound like they need to be handled more directly by the parents first. If you decide to step back as the sitter, you may be better able to support the family. It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed. Put that back onto the parents to solve. You certainly can share your concerns, offer support, but stepping back may be the best thing for you.

There's no doubt about it- this is a very difficult situation that you see and understand quite well. However, it is up to the parents to first determine if there is a problem, and take the steps to make things better. If what you describe continues, the parents won't be able to negate and or ignore it. That little boy is trying to communicate something is not working- he's the little barometer.

Best of wishes on this one, taking care of yourself is important in all of this- so you can be the grandmother you want to be.
How are things going for you?