Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
You are, for the time being, in a difficult place. You parents, especially your mom, can talk the talk, but she cannot walk the walk. She knows that its true that you should be able to love anyone. She taught that well. But in her unconscious mind, from her own upbringing, she feels that being gay is some kind of defect. It it is her child, then it is HER defect.
She also has hopes to have biological grandchildren (she still can). She can and will learn to love whomever you choose. Not now. Not in six months, but in the future.
She prefers to be in denial, where it is safe. This is the way she protects herself. This is the kind of behavior that keeps children in the closet, and she is giving you space to go back into the closet.
You don't have to give up the woman that you love. You just have to practice discretion and accommodate you parents, who in their hearts know that you are gay, but prefer the illusion that you are not.
If you don't mention it then you are fine.
When you have more independence they will understand who you are. You must not ask their permission because you are still a minor child for a few more months. When you reach 18 this should not be a signal for you to rub their faces in it,and I'm sure you do not intend to do this.
Instead, let them slowly get used to the idea which they will absorb without you having to run to them. I know you want them to share your joy, and one day they will.
I had one sister (recently deceased), and she had two daughters, one of them gay. My niece has a baby by artificial insemination, and lives with her partner. The baby is my flesh and blood and is part of our family.
What seems extraordinary now eventually become normal. This will happen.
You have situationally caused depression and anxiety
(called Adjustment Disorder) and will settle down as the situation normalizes. That has to be a function of time, for nothing else can heal like time does.
The crying is from sadness, and the chest pains from depression. You will get through this.
Let me recommend a book (available at amazon.com and elsewhere):
How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide
by Tracey Stevens and Katherine Wunder
If you feel you need therapy as well, there are counselors and therapists who specialize in gay and lesbian clients.
Go to www.psychologytoday.com and click FIND A THERAPIST. Enter your state and city, and then when the list pops up, go to left hand side under ISSUES and click gay and lesbian and narrow down your choices.
You will get through this.
I wish you great success.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC