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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I am a 35-year-old mother of 3 boys, married for 16 years. I

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I am a 35-year-old mother of 3 boys, married for 16 years. I have a very low self-esteem. It has started causing a problem in my marriage because I am so jealous of any woman my husband talks to.......or even looks at. I am constantly worried he is going to leave me, or worse, cheat on me and then our whole small town would know and laugh at me behind my back. How can I get these negative thoughts out of my head? I'm scared that I'm going to drive him to do the very thing I'm afraid of, simply because I'm so paranoid!

You have taken the most important first steps. You have asked for help and you have admitted that this is relative to poor self esteem. Most of the time, this paranoia is due to a person feeling negatively about themself. When we feel we are worthy we don't feel the need to project this self esteem issue onto another. Right now your low self esteem can lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. First you can find a therapist in your area by logging onto the site for the American Psychological Association. There are even ways to participate in therapy via online by Googling online therapy. You should want for yourself genuine work on this issue. The therapist could even bring in your husband later as you learn to communicate more effectively about what you need. I would urge you to do work on your own during this process. My favorite resource in this area is the Self Esteem Workbook. When you understand you better, you will be less willing to over react to these situations. Feel free to bring your husband into this work as you figure out what triggers such situations.

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Well, I'm checking back in just to let you know that on Dec. 15th, my husband confessed to me that he's been having an affair with a friend of ours since Feb of this year. The problem is, he and I have had many, many arguments regarding this girl (she's only 27) this whole year! He would always tell me that he loved only me and that I had nothing to worry about that he would never cheat on me......he's apparently a really good liar. Anyway, we have an appt for marriage counseling the day after Christmas, so we'll see how it turns out. In my heart, I just don't see how I can ever trust him again......but I want to try counseling for the sake of our boys.