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DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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How can I get over the hurt of being used by a

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How can I get over the hurt of being used by a psychopath...? I am so ashamed that he manipulated me so completely, I feel so stupid and hurt. I was willing to do practically anything for him and took some risks that could have been devastating professionally and personally. I still have to be tested for STD's and am feeling afraid about that. I am hurting inside although my friends keep telling me he's not worth crying over they don't seem to understand how painful it is to realize you've been used so severely and for an extended time...

Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

It will take some time to not feel so hurt, manipulated, and used. Generally speaking, people who are "psychopaths," are good at what they do, AND they can be charming and persuasive. It is completely understandable that other people fall into their traps.

This is what I think the best things you can do:

1. Don't rush --grieving and processing take time. It IS painful and you must allow yourself to feel that pain.

2. Stay in individual therapy (or go back if you stopped) so that you have someone with whom you can process and grieve.

3. Give yourself grace. We are all capable of being charmed and conned. Maybe you know better know, but you didn't at the time and that HAS to be OK.

4. Know that feelings pass. You will move past this hurt, but it will take time. You can only hold onto the truth that eventually it won't hurt nearly as much as it does right now.

Keep in mind that your friends want you to be OK, and they want that to happen NOW. They don't want you to hurt. While this is understandable, we can't just turn off our feelings. They take time to work through. Tell your best friends that you need them to be patient.

Please feel free to follow up with me.


Dr. Fee

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