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I hav a? aboutt a relationnaship. i met annother grl who was

i hav a ? aboutt...
i hav a ? aboutt a relationnaship. i met annother grl who was my roommate when we wer in the hosp., well we became mor than frreinds. now that we r out her mom is not leetting me talk to her, i know its not her cause she was talkking to me on facebook untill i think her mmom stopped that too! please help, im not sure what to do? i reallly like herr and she livs only like 1 hr away from me
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Answered in 13 minutes by:
10/21/2012
Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Verified
Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I can assist you- Welcome!

Customer:

Hi

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It sounds like your relationship with this person may be a challenge with her mother "guarding" her.

Customer:

yeah its crazzy

Customer:

and im not sur why shes doin it

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You have lots to talk to her about I'm sure- yes would drive one "crazy"

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you have any information about this- other than her mother is trying to prevent the contact?

Customer:

so i don't know if i shouldd jus go over there? i hav an idea why, but its jus a guess

Jean N/20pluscounts :

My best guess is her mother is trying to "protect" her from "something"?? What do you worry about in going over there?

Customer:

i dont know for sur if she told her aboutt what kind of rellationship?

Customer:

i dont want to go over and her mmom to freak out

Customer:

the otherr thing is i was in the hosp for psych reassons but so was she

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Did you agree to stay in contact once you left the hospital? Right you don't want to make it more difficult- if her mom were to be upset. Is it fair to say you were both in a vulnerable state being in the hospital?

Customer:

yeah we made all kinds of pllans

Customer:

but i thinkk it wouldv been the same if we had met outside the hosp?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I can only imagine her mother wants to keep a close watch on her since she was in psych. hospital- not just from you but from anything. Yes you never know where you will meet someone special.

Customer:

shes over 18 tho so i dont know why shess lettin her mom do this too

Jean N/20pluscounts :

As difficult as it may be try not to take it too personal- her mother does not know you- does she? How long have you been apart? Maybe she depends on her mother for emotional, financial etc. support

Customer:

no her mom only met me like 1 time and when we wer in there. we have been apart about a month now

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Her mother has probably been through a lot with her with her mental health and such- I could see how her mother would be "overly" protective.

Customer:

i dont want to giv up on this thoughh, i really do like her and it was very speciall not just about physical

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Her mother may have concerns that she met someone in the hospital- but it's all guesses right? That's what's so hard about this. What has your contact been within the month? She may be settling back into her life- adjusting back- since her discharge.

Customer:

i havnt been able to talk to her on th e phone bt some contact with facebook

Customer:

but then thats stoppped and i think her mmom found that too

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If it's "meant to be" and she has mutual feelings for you- she will find a way to get in touch- I know it's really hard though- the waiting and wondering- but try to think positively- even though you don't know for sure what's up.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Maybe give it a bit of time- time for her to show her mother she's stable

Customer:

ok, thats hard tho

Customer:

i want too see her so badly

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- I bet her mother is watching her closely- especially if she is still concerned and worried about her- her mother is probably afraid, wants to protect her don't you think?

Customer:

yeah she prob does but keeping her from me isn't healthy eithher is it?

Customer:

i mean i was ther for her complletely,

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- it sounds like she means a lot to you- maybe helped you through stuff in the hospital- good support- I'm sure you would want to talk to her. She will have to work that out with her mom- she may not want to tick her mother off either- she may be in a tough, stuck spot- being dependent on her mother. I think she probably appreciated your help. She will have to set those boundaries with her mother since she is an adult.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you think she knows you have been trying to get in touch?

Customer:

i think she prob does, i told her i wasnt goin to leave or disappear out of her life when we left

Customer:

and we leftt on the same day

Jean N/20pluscounts :

How have you been doing otherwise since out of the hospital? I hope good- things must have been tough for you- sorry about that- but hope it's better. Trust that she knows you are there- that you helped her and supported her, and you want to continue to do so.

Customer:

ive been doin okay, exceptt for maybe the meds?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This does make it more challenging for you emotionally I bet- of course! It's important for you to have support to. Continue to work on your healing.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Meds can be tricky- yes

Customer:

its jus that i hate them, prob not goin to cont them, if i could just see her i know i wouldnt need meds too

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This will be a test for you- see if you can stay strong- patient, optimistic. If you can't talk to her- you could write- write as if you are talking to her- not even that you send it- just an outlet to process this.

Customer:

ok thats a good idea, i do journnaling sometimes

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you have good support? You need and deserve support- we all need support.

Customer:

not a lot, but i do hav 1 really good guy friend, so thats all it is, just a friend

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- really try and work on your recovery- you don't want this to cause you to "lose" all you've worked for. Identify what has helped you the most and do that- like journal writing. Keep your friend close.

Customer:

when i talkk to my fam it makes it worse so i dont usuualy

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You will get through this- hopefully with contact from her-

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I bet it's really hard being so close- an hour you said?

Customer:

yeah onlyy an hr to drive there

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Give it a bit of time- then consider trying to contact her. She may need to "show" her mother she's okay- that can take time for mom to trust- she's okay- esp. after being hospitalized.

Customer:

we bothh deciided we wernt goin back to the hosp ever again

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I think she knows you are there for her- sounds like you helped her and supported her when she really needed it- that's a good friend.

Customer:

i tried to b ther and b strong to help her

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The hospital is hard isn't it- stressful- intrusive- really in your business.

Customer:

its horrible and it was my 2nd time, 8 wks of it

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sure you were a great help to her- and she knows you care. You were there when she needed someone the most.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's really really important for you to stay on track- take care of you- so you stay stable-

Jean N/20pluscounts :

why 8 weeks- that's intense!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you in therapy since you were discharged? I meant "wow 8 weeks- that's intense"

Customer:

im trying to take care of thingss now, i don't know, it tookk awhille to get things right, and the meds, my thinking was pretty screwed up

Customer:

yeah i hav therapy and a pyschiattirst

Jean N/20pluscounts :

May be important to take the meds then- at least for now- or be open with dr. if you don't like them- or if they are not working. What to keep your thinking clear and healthy.

Customer:

its back to normal now an not speeded up , not hearing thins

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's hard work but the therapy and treatment can pay off- you must be learning lots about yourself and life with your treatment. I'm glad it's back to "normal"- that's great!

Customer:

i dont mind the appts, just keepin up with meds has always been hard for me

Customer:

and they make thinkking slow, and sorta foggy

Jean N/20pluscounts :

yes- not easy taking pills- but hey we want you healthy!!! Yes pills can help with some things but then there is uncomfortable side effects- have to weight the pro and cons.

Customer:

and i wan to stay healthhy this timme around too for sure

Jean N/20pluscounts :

As hard as this is- I think you have to be really strong, patient, keep positive, for both of you.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The journal writing may be a good outlet- or any other diversion you can think of to get your mind off the struggle.

Customer:

yeah u r right, i stay and think too much

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You deserve to be happy- as does she- but some of this she will have to decide how to handle with her mother- the gate keeper.

Customer:

im not going to giv up on it, she woulld hav to tell me herslef she didn't want me

Jean N/20pluscounts :

We all think too much- ok if it's productive and positive right!!?? Find ways to quiet your busy mind- finding things to relax you- even just a walk.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- you won't know for sure until she enlightens you to what's going on-

Customer:

i will try to do more , i stay a lone alot

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Important sometimes to get out- careful to isolate too much- we are mammals we need other mammals:):)

Customer:

lol yes

Jean N/20pluscounts :

When you find yourself thinking neg. that's your cue to do something- to change the course of your thinking- I'm sure you know all about this stuff- right!!

Customer:

i think iv stayed alone a lot more since getting sick

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Work hard in your recovery- it does take a commitment to work the recovery program- every day sometimes. You may need to find ways to be with others more- even if you don't "feel like it". Don't want you to slip and struggle again.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

When alone and isolated is when we tend to think too much- okay if its' "productive" thinking right!!

Customer:

yes ur exactly right, i hav to stop doin what keeps me going backwarsds

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are young- today is the first day of the rest of our life- I love that saying :)

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sometimes to go forward we have to do the opposite of what comes naturally.

Customer:

thats a reallly good thoughtt

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are not alone- life school is very challenging- for all of us.

Customer:

sometims i feel alone in my craaziness so thats good to hear

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Because of what you have experienced- you know if you get really strong- you can be a helper- cuz you've "been there done that"

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Many people who "help" others have been there done that- that's what makes them credible. They have been enlightened from the darkness-

Customer:

thatss what i was tryin to b for her, and still could b if her mom woulld let me

Customer:

but i understannd what ur sayin, it makes sense

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You will be able to refer back to this once we are done- come back to this to remind you what we talked about. Yes you are a natural helper- sensitive- I can tell.

Customer:

i really reallly appreciiate your time and help

Jean N/20pluscounts :

But being sensitive can open you up for a bit more hurt too- need to be a lid on the sensitivity sometimes- a sort of protection. A lid you can open and close.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm glad to help- I'm really glad you posted tonight and send you lots of positive healing thoughts!!

Customer:

and u r right about bein sensitiv i hav often wished i wasnt so much

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Remember your strengths- so you can continue to build on those.

Customer:

and i'm gllad i posted now too :)

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sensitivity is a strength but need to "protect" it too.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Let me know if I can help again- take the best care of you!!

Customer:

thank u so much, i willl,,, and i can ask for u again if i need too?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

As a therapist- I am honored to hear your story- thank you for that! Yes just start a question with "Jean N/20plus counts" they will then send your question to me.

Customer:

ok perfectt, thanks again :))

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I would really appreciate it if you rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credit Thanks so much! Jean

Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Verified
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Jus wanted to let u know im feelin way better and u were really helpfull for me tonite, ty again

I'm glad to help- and I really appreciate the great rating and generous bonus- Thanks!!
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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
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Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)

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