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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I have been married 9 years and my husband is just now

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Hi - I have been married 9 years and my husband is just now starting to speak to me disrespectively. He gave me the finger the other day. He called me a bitch twice, he did apologize, but he did it again. I am an awesome wife. I take very good care of him, making him a nice dinner every night, I make his lunch every day ( and I work full time too),keep a nice home. He has also started to roll his eyes at me every time I try to make a point or start a conversation. This has been going on now for about a year. We only have sex about once a month now (used to 2-times a week). I have spoken to him several times about all of this and all he does is roll his eyes and thinks I am over reacting. What gives??
KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : I don't think you're over reacting.
KansasTherapist : His behavior is certainly disrespectful and you have a right to expect better.
KansasTherapist : since this started relatively recently, it makes me wonder what has happened in his mind that has changed his attitude toward you.
KansasTherapist : Do you have any ideas?

Yes, he is overworked at his job. He works 55 + hours a week and he claims he is very tired. He was promoted last year to a more sr. level and there is alot expected of him. But I still don't think that is reason to get fresh with me. I get tired too. I just tell him I am tired and don't want to talk at the moment. I have a very even tempurement and I am very easy to get along with. But when I get pushed too far, I just leave the situation. I almost left the other night to go to a hotel, just to leave for a few days, not sure if this is a good idea. Seems like I am running away, and I don't want to do that. I do love him very much....but I am not going to take being spoken to like this.

KansasTherapist : I agree you shouldn't accept the way he's treating you. Right now, you and your feelings don't seem to be a priority to him. Perhaps taking a break for a few days will remind him that he needs to make an effort of he wants to maintain his marriage.
KansasTherapist : If you're gone for a few days, and he responds by taking your unhappiness with the way he's treating you more seriously, seeing a therapist for couples counseling seems like a good idea.

You think leaving for a few days may be beneficial?

KansasTherapist : I do think it could give him some time to think about how he's acting.

I know this will anger him more and then it will take time for him to get over it. He can be immature like this. My biggest fear is he'll enjoy my being gone. I guess better to find out now than many years later. (BTW, I am his third wife) This may be a clue too.

KansasTherapist : Yes, being married two times before does suggest he has a hard time with the day to day maintenance of a marriage.

Could the change towards me mean he's possibly having an affair?

KansasTherapist : That's not out of the question. Has he had affairs in his other marriages?

No, I have asked him and he is not a liar. But it feels like he's testing me, to see how much I will take. Sometimes, he's completey checked out mentally. Is this because he is a man or is it because he just can't deal with things?

KansasTherapist : it sounds like stress to me .

I think alot of it is due to stress also. But if he speaks badly to me again, I am definitely going to a hotel for 2-3 days.

Thank you and have a great day

Pauline Manix

KansasTherapist : You're completely welcome.
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