Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

You answered a question for me about 18 monts ago and it

Hi There. You answered a...
Hi There. You answered a question for me about 18 monts ago and it really helped. Now I'm back again. I have been seeing my therapist for 2 years most of that twice a week. I have a history of depression and family related issues. The last few months have been really difficult with my therapist. I mentioned in my last question that I'm obessed with her. I google her and her family members all the time I'm like an online stalker. I found something out about her that I think has really damaged out relationship, she is dating someone who is 30 years younger than her she is 52 he is 22. I just think it is so wrong. I more or less told her this and I got so anger and stormed out. When we next met we discussed it but she wouldn't reveal anything but she did tell me she was angry with me. We moved on after that but my anger stayed I found other things to blame her for and at times I have been so horrible to her but she just took it and said it was good that I could display my anger with her. My question is am I really angry at her or is it something within me that I'm angry with? I kept threaten to leave and end therapy but i always changed my mind and ask to continue. Anyway last week I got really angry and told her that I wanted to end that she is making me worse. I'm obessed wih her and her life I think about her all the time. I feel stuck in therapy and can't move on with my life. I do think I'm ready to go it alone but I can't live without her. So after that session she said that we needed to end and that I was ready to go it alone. I felt rejected and like I'd been kicked.. I begged to continue but she has been very firm and said no. So she decided on the last date 12th Dec so I have 7 sessions before it all ends. I feel so sad I can't eat sleep or focus I feel like someone has died. Will this stop I can't live like this? I have told her all of this. I suspect that she has had enough of me and wants out but she has reassured me that is not the case and that she wouldn't do anything that didn't feel right. But I can't help but think this. I just feel like I will never survive without her. I've never had a connection like I've had with her, she is the ultimate professional and has never done anything to ever make me question her approach. I can't stop crying and it hurts. I've even considering seeing another therapist so try and get over this but that could create a vicious circle. Please can you give me your thoughts on all of this.
Jen
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 17 minutes by:
10/6/2012
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,897
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified
Hello, it's good to hear from you again.

It sounds like you have been experiencing transference with your therapist. It is not necessarily your therapist that you feel these things about (though it feels that way, very much so) but instead these feelings that you have are about unmet needs from your past.

When you start therapy, your therapist purposely keeps her personal life out of therapy. This is so you not only have the chance to focus on you, which is what therapy is for, but you also can take unresolved feelings and put them on the therapist- called transference. This allows the therapist to help you resolve these needs through identifying and bringing out those feelings which you have carried with you since the trauma, neglect or abuse occurred in your life.

What it sounds like is going on here is that you researched your therapist until you found something that made you identify with something from your past. In your case, it was anger about something you did not agree with in your therapist's life. While normally what your therapist does with her personal life would not concern you, because you had this unmet need you put it on your therapist. One possibility is that someone in your past did something that hurt you and that caused you to feel hurt and angry about what your therapist did because it brought out the same kind of feelings you had before. But whatever happened, this was your way to try to work it out in therapy.

However, it does not sound like your therapist has caught this transference going on so it is going unresolved. Now that she is ending therapy with you, you feel abandoned and hurt. Part of that could be that you still have emotional ties to her with the transference. And another is that you still have unresolved issues.

You may want to bring this up in therapy during your remaining sessions. It can help a lot to deal with transference issues with your therapist, the person you are transferring these feelings onto. You may not be able to completely resolve the issue before you have to end, but you will at least begin the process. And since your therapist will not change her mind about continuing to work with you, you may have to finish your work with another therapist. But in the end, once you work this through, you will feel a lot better.

Kate
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Thank you.

I keep telling myself she knows best but I don't feel ready to move on so maybe I do need to see someone else. I feel hurt that she won't see this out with me but I also have really been a challenge.

I blame myself for creating the situation.

Do you think I should continue with another therapist?

Jen

If you leave this therapist still feeling that you have more to talk about, then yes, it would be a good idea to see someone else. Therapy is only done when you don't feel you have anything left to talk about with your therapist.

Kate

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

I forgot to mentioned my therapist said that she couldn't discuss the my interest in her etc as it invloves her private life - do you agree or is she not dealing with the transference issues?

She can talk with you about how you feel which does not involve discussing her personal life. At this point, she may not be aware of the transference or she may be and is not dealing with it for some reason. Talking with her about it can clarify which one it is and therefore how you should proceed.

Kate

TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,897
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified
TherapistMarryAnn and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,897
5,897 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

TherapistMarryAnn is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

5,897 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I'm depressed just finished my divorce yesterday feel so sad
Hello, I'm depressed just finished my divorce yesterday feel so sad how to get over it faster no energy my eyes tell on me. My X is who wanted it he has abusive and acts like the victim and blames me … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back and forth with me.. he was addicted to oxy I love him but he's so closed off… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Im struggling alot about handling. Strws. Sad and i dont
Ever since i was little i always struggled with waking up sad and then bursting into tears for no reason… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I was about 6 I remeber like kissing almost making out with my two sisters, they were 5 and 4 then later when I was about 14-15 I developed la… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
772 satisfied customers
I feel this feeling of guilt and sadness and I'm not sure
I feel this feeling of guilt and sadness and I'm not sure why Would you happen to have an explanation for that … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
772 satisfied customers
I feel sad so much I need help dealing with how I feel
I feel sad so much I need help dealing with how I feel because it's affecting with my relationship with my boyfriend and my happiness in general… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
772 satisfied customers
Second opinion] OKMH98-130 I've been very sad and in a bad
second opinion] OKMH98-130 I've been very sad and in a bad state of mind ever since my mother figure passed away last year. I suffer from insomnia ever since. Loss of interest in daily activities. I p… read more
Juliet Cooper
Juliet Cooper
Doctorate of Psychology
29 satisfied customers
OKMH98-130 I've been very sad and in a bad state of mind
OKMH98-130 I've been very sad and in a bad state of mind ever since my mother figure passed away last year. I suffer from insomnia ever since. I've been sad often. I noticed my mood is better when I'm… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
I am 54 and sad and lonely, just like the lady I am reading
I am 54 and sad and lonely, just like the lady I am reading about right now. … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I am so sad and exhausted. My baby brother dies April 2015,
I am so sad and exhausted. My baby brother dies April 2015, 18 months later i list my Mom. I had been her caterer … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
The girl I care for is holding a grudge feels neglected a
The girl I care for is holding a grudge feels neglected a has started to flirt with her ex who's cheated lies and maniplated her I don't want her to go through the same cycle again how do I get her le… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
772 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x