Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your wife has been through a lot of trauma. While everyone responds differently to abuse and trauma, it is universally common for people to have to adapt by altering how they relate to others. As a result, people who are abused often struggle in relationships. They do not understand what is healthy behavior and what is dysfunctional behavior which is what they learned as a child in response to the crazy environment they were forced to cope with.
You mentioned your wife was emotionally and sexually abused. She was also manipulated by her parents and had to deal with a mentally ill father. That is a lot. In order to protect herself, she may have had to shut down socially and sexually. And because she has not dealt with her issues, she continues to stay shut down in order to cope with her feelings. She also may have been so traumatized that she developed PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress
I agree, your wife needs to deal with her feelings about her past before she can move on. She may need to not only express her feelings about what she went through, but she also need to understand what healthy behavior and responses are, something she never got to learn as a child.
Therapy is the best way to address your wife's issues. But whether or not she is ready to deal with how she feels is another thing. Anyone who has gone through a trauma needs to feel ready to cope with the overwhelming pain and emotions that come with exploring what happened to them as a child. There is a reason they react as they do, they are trying to hold onto those feelings so they don't feel overwhelmed. Once they begin to explore what they went through, it can be very painful. So it may take some time until she is ready.
Talk with your wife about your concerns and let her know that you care about her. Consider introducing the idea of therapy then give her time to think about it. Offer to go with her for support the first few times. And offer to help her in any way she needs as she deals with what she feels.
You can also talk to her about self help. There are many resources to help someone who wants to explore childhood abuse and find ways to help themselves. Here are some resources to help:http://www.ascasupport.org/
Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused by Steven Farmer
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan B. Allender
The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by ***** *****
One of the best ways to help your wife is to ask her how she wants to address what she feels. And as long as she is moving forward, it is a good sign. Be supportive, offer to be with her whenever she needs you and let her talk about how she feels. It can take some time, but each step is closer to healing.
I hope this has helped you,